there is something hate filled about spitting on someone
it denotes an utter lack of care and respect much more then a punch does
it's a huge red flag towards escalating physical abuse
Anyfucker is right, the whole of the way through this thread. Sometimes I think she's a bit too black and white in her views but in this case she is spot on. The truth can be tough to hear.
ive wanted to get out of this for so long, but he gets my kids involved, kicks up a big fuss when i try to hide it from them. he phones them, he knocks the door, he wont leave us alone. my son already left home once because of it and my heart was truly broken. he came back and i dont want to jeapordise it all again.
You already know what you need to do, so why aren't you doing it? Arguing for days on end, throwing him out, only to let him back in again every time he whines and whines and grinds you down is incredibly emotionally debilitating and demoralising, not least for your children. You say your own mother and her partner were too busy getting drunk and having violent arguments to notice you, and you saw repeated patterns of abuse and yet the irony is that you are doing the same to your children and you just don't see it. I appreciate that you really don't think you are in any way at fault here, but the fact is, you are. You are paying lip service to putting them first without actually doing it.
Change all your numbers including your children's and change the locks if he has a key. Refuse to engage in any more screaming matches or post-mortems of who did/said what - that just prolongs the drama and keeps the door open a bit longer. DISENGAGE. Just do it, without any fuss. Remove everything of his from your house and leave it at his mums, his friends, wherever, so he doesn't need to come to you to collect anything. If you anticipate that he will come to the house to kick off and make trouble then inform the police in advance. If he still refuses to leave you and your children alone then take out an injunction on him.
Does he actually live with you officially, as in joint names on rent/bills etc? I am guessing not, so this should really be very easy. He has no right to keep accessing your home against your will or to harrass your children and if he needs to know that if he tries you call the police. It really is that simple. It won't be pleasant for a while, but that is not a good enough reason not to do it.