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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my partner spat in my face.

105 replies

SeriouslyConfusedNow · 03/02/2015 22:49

ive posted about this big fuck up of a relationship before. basically, he stayed the night with his friend for work early in the morning, i dont have a problem with that. he came back making my life hell, saying i didnt respond to his fb message saying he loved me even though i only saw it as we were texting anyway. he is on another fucking planet. after two days of rowing i told him to go, he stood on my doorstep and spat right in my face. he thinks i spend the nights alone chatting up men on fb, i deserve better then this surely?

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 03/02/2015 23:45

He's out of the house now. Good.
How are you going to make this permanent?

Things to consider:

  • names on lease / house deeds: can you change the locks, will you need to find another place
  • informing the police of your history, and the likelihood that you will have to call them to intervene when he harasses you
  • informing him that it is over
HangingInAGruffaloStance · 03/02/2015 23:46

Really, you can't protect your kids from this vile individual if you allow him to be in your life.

You can either continue like this, thinking it is all you and your children deserve, or you can get rid of him.

If you fear he will harass you etc get advice from women's aid or police.

He doesn't get to decide anymore.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2015 23:48

He isn't "out of the house". He regularly stays at his mates for work then comes round to OP's to assert his dominance again and she lets him. Her kids are voting with their feet and still she doesn't change anything.

Lweji · 03/02/2015 23:49

You may think you are shielding them, but you really are not.
Not while their mother is unhappy and abused. Kids sense these things.

He's out, be proactive and keep him out, report to the police, get WA on your side, hot shit lawyer, whatever it takes.

BTW, I have walked the mile.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 03/02/2015 23:50

no balia, i have no anger against af, shes entitled to an opinion, as we all are. im just saying its so difficult to understand unless youve been there.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/02/2015 23:52

i used to pummel shit out of "weak" women on here
Interesting. Why would you?
Not many people do it, regardless of having been abused or not.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 03/02/2015 23:55

anyfucker, are you really katie hopkins you ballbreaker?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/02/2015 23:57

AF has 'been there'. What your son is experiencing is roughly AF'S experience. You've got the chance to get shot for good and get your family back. Take the opportunity.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2015 23:58

If by "ball breaker" you mean I hate men like your partner and get frustrated with the women who enable them over the welfare of their kids, count me right in.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 04/02/2015 00:00

oh my god i cant win, lweji, i was on mn for a long effing time, about eight years, i dont recognise your name btw. yet again, i have to prove myself....nah i think.

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/02/2015 00:00

Apart from anything else, what are you going to do?
Continue with this man? Will you be taking steps to get out?
Continue to complain in here?
There are ways out, but you have to want to get out.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2015 00:00

I can see the point of your thread is getting deflected now, so I shall leave you to it.

Ask your kids what you should do, love. Listen to them.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2015 00:08

Look, this useless shitbag of a man does not have superpowers and is not above the law. Unless the kids are his, he can be forcibly removed from your life and you will never have to have any interaction with him again.

Talk to Women's Aid and the police DV unit about getting him out of the house if he lives there and has his name on either the tenancy or the mortgage. If he doesn't actually live with you (ie he has a home elsewhere) change the locks and get a non-molestation order. If he continues to threaten and harass and assault you he can be put in prison.
It might seem scary and impossible to get rid of a prick like him but it can be done. You just have to take the first steps of telling WA and the police. Good luck.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/02/2015 00:12

She can't ask the kids what they think, AF. We already know he's groomed OP's daughter into thinking he's the dog's bollocks. She's hardly likely to say she wants him gone. He's groomed the OP, too, it's quite obvious.

The only one who's seen through him is OP's son. And he's gone, making his feelings quite plain. Feelings which have been ignored by his mother.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/02/2015 00:15

Sorry didn't read properly that your son is back. He probably only came back to protect you, you know, seeing as you aren't trying to protect yourself.

SeriouslyConfusedNow · 04/02/2015 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 04/02/2015 00:21

cheers curlyhair, thankyou. you just okd his abuse. ta.

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 04/02/2015 00:22

All your posts, bar the first 2, are defensiveness aimed at particular posters.

None of your posts address what you are actually going to do about your abusive partner.

What are you going to do about your abusive partner, OP? It has to come from you. It is scary, yes, and very tempting to avoid, but you can do it.

What will your first step be?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/02/2015 00:25

I ok'd his abuse? Are you serious? Look, OP, I really think you need to talk this through with someone in real life. Women's Aid would be a good start. You're all over the place.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 04/02/2015 00:27

ok, goodnight ladies, thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/02/2015 00:30

You do need to take a long hard look at yourself instead of attacking people here.
You are in an abusive relationship, according to your OP. It's affecting you and your children.
You said you used to berate women for being "weak" and now you are just attacking people who are actually trying to help you reclaim your life and protect your children. Not sure what is going on with you, but you are either a shit stirrer here, or you are in very deep trouble yourself and need help in directing the anger where it should be directed at. Get the help you need. You can get out. Use your fighting spirit to do it.

Original poster
SeriouslyConfusedNow · 04/02/2015 00:35

im not attacking anyone, far from. what? ive not attacked anyone here? ok, story of my life.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 04/02/2015 00:44

Why did you post in the first place, op? What was the point?

AF, and everyone following, was trying to help.

zozzij · 04/02/2015 01:05

im not attacking anyone, far from. what? ive not attacked anyone here?

Erm...

get a grip of your perfect perfect life and quit commenting on things you know fuck all about. take ur big stirring spoon and shove it ok?

Yeah, you are attacking people.

Mom2K · 04/02/2015 01:28

OP, without reading anything else you have ever posted - based on this thread alone - it is clear you need to take immediate steps to end your relationship.

I know it's difficult getting rid of someone who is controlling and unhinged - I did it myself a few months ago and I'm still dealing with the aftermath, but I am MUCH happier now. It's not easy, but it's worth it. He can only put you through so much crap while you're evicting him from your life but it will eventually end. It will never end if you keep him and let him walk all over you.

Good luck, I hope you can find the strength to do it. If not for yourself then at least do it for the kids. Flowers