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Original poster

DH wants me to take drugs

119 replies

justsayno2015 · 02/02/2015 13:35

In our twenties my DH and I enjoyed using recreational drugs. We would go clubbing and out with friends and drugs was a part of our lives. Im now nearly 40 and have 2 DCs. I am no longer interested in taking drugs and that part of my life is over.

The problem is that my DH still wants us to take drugs together. He thinks that as we both use to enjoy them, we can still take drugs every now and again and we can have some fun and be closer for doing them.

I really don't want to do drugs anymore, if he wants to go off and do some that's fine, but I don't. He says im being unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. He cannot see where im coming from at all. He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker. I feel that I am being perfectly reasonable to not want to do drugs anymore. I think he is being extremely unreasonable to make this into such a huge issue.

what do you think?

OP posts:
heartisaspade · 02/02/2015 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

middlethird · 02/02/2015 13:37

really? Hmm

Goneintohibernation · 02/02/2015 13:39

I think he is behaving like an irresponsible child! Of course you are not being unreasonable. Fair enough that you did things like that in your 20's, lots of people do, then most grow up. Does he think the DC should do it too?

Linguini · 02/02/2015 13:41

He sounds fun. My Dp grows gange in the garden. I don't smoke it much but it's nice for a once yearly treat.
Are you sure you wouldn't want just a little bit? Gwaan.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/02/2015 13:41

I'm not against the occasional dabble into recreational drugs. But to bully someone who doesn't want to take them and threaten to end a marriage over it is absolutely unacceptable. If DH said to me that he would end the marriage unless I did something that he wanted to (especially something illegal) I would show him the door.

It sounds like your DH has serious issues with drugs if he would prioritise using them over his marriage. Have you suggested he get help?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/02/2015 13:41

You are your own person and if he wants to take drugs he certainly does not get to drag yourself together with your children down with him.

I think he is the one being totally unreasonable here and is projecting. It looks like he is only thinking of his own self interest here; your children and you do not come into this at all.

Do you see he and you still together in say six months or a year's time?.

juneau · 02/02/2015 13:42

He's saying its a marriage deal breaker that you don't want to do drugs with him?? Tell him to grow the fuck up. And yes, he's been VVU! No one should ever take drugs unless they want to.

bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 02/02/2015 13:43

What kind of " drugs ". There's a lot of them as and it's strange you don't specify.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/02/2015 13:46

Why is it relevant, bendy?

Hissy · 02/02/2015 13:47

He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker

anyone who said this to me would find out the very definition of that term.

how DARE he? Angry

tell him to FTFO with his threats

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2015 13:48

You have children.

He needs to grow up.

OttiliaVonBCup · 02/02/2015 13:48
Hmm

DH once wanted me to darn a sock.
Did I?

No.
Just saying.

bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 02/02/2015 13:49

I can't answer that without breaking a rule...

But doing " drugs " is something my gran would say.

Waitingonasunnyday · 02/02/2015 13:49

[zammo] JUST SAY NO [/zammo]

KatoPotato · 02/02/2015 13:50

Tragic.

Original poster
justsayno2015 · 02/02/2015 13:51

I mean the odd line of coke or MDMA.

This is a huge issue for us and I'm glad you see things from my side. He says that he does lots of things for me that he doesn't want to do (like invite my friends over for dinner) but i do nothing for him in return. I'm willing to compromise but just not on this issue.

Our sex life is pretty bad at the moment and he thinks that we need to lose our inhibitions and get closer by doing drugs. But i really feel that we need to get closer and have a more loving relationship mentally before the physical side can improve.

OP posts:
OhMjh · 02/02/2015 13:52

What kind of drug are we talking about? DM and DSD are mid 40's and still enjoy the occasional spliff every now and again.

Regardless of what drug/drugs it is, why it would be a 'deal breaker' is beyond me. Is he using them without you? Is it potentially a problem he has developing which he feels he can hide if you are participating too?
He sounds like a teenager. If you don't want to take drugs, then you don't have to.
Personally, I'd be telling him that his twatty behaviour ( not the recreational drug taking, but his pressure and almost blackmail) is a deal breaker and that he needs to stop acting like a knob.

DP and I used to have the odd crazy night before DD came along. I never ruled it out doing them again until I held her but I don't think I ever would again now; I've done that, it's a part of my past. I think having children affects women in ways it doesn't for men - I've told DP I'd never be annoyed at him doing them but that I don't see myself participating.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/02/2015 13:52

My aunt was with a man who was like this
He was insistent that she take speed with him, that she would love it, it would bring them closer blah blah
She refused for months, he kept going on and on and on, in the end he decided to spike her drink so she could see how much she would enjoy it.

No one on earth should put pressure on someone to take drugs. People can do as they please as far as I am concerned. As long as they choose to do it. Bullying someone into it is shocking.

It's a "deal breaker" for him? Well that sounds like a pretty good deal to Mr

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/02/2015 13:52

*me

heartisaspade · 02/02/2015 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatoPotato · 02/02/2015 13:53

He doesn't like friends over for dinner? Tell him to bog off and go be a sad tragic old loser dancing like Bez in the clubs where all the 20 year olds can make up a nickname for him.

Seriously, you're completely right here, tell him you will not be forced into taking risks with your health and he can hop it.

OhMjh · 02/02/2015 13:54

Xposted, sorry.

OP, it sounds like he's going through a bit of a mid life crisis if I'm being honest.

heartisaspade · 02/02/2015 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2015 13:54

Report him to the Police, that'll learn 'im! Hmm

OhMjh · 02/02/2015 13:56

Hmm..flip it. OP, if one of your children/siblings/friends came to you and said their partner wanted them to take drugs or would leave them, what would you say?

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