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Original poster

DH wants me to take drugs

119 replies

justsayno2015 · 02/02/2015 13:35

In our twenties my DH and I enjoyed using recreational drugs. We would go clubbing and out with friends and drugs was a part of our lives. Im now nearly 40 and have 2 DCs. I am no longer interested in taking drugs and that part of my life is over.

The problem is that my DH still wants us to take drugs together. He thinks that as we both use to enjoy them, we can still take drugs every now and again and we can have some fun and be closer for doing them.

I really don't want to do drugs anymore, if he wants to go off and do some that's fine, but I don't. He says im being unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. He cannot see where im coming from at all. He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker. I feel that I am being perfectly reasonable to not want to do drugs anymore. I think he is being extremely unreasonable to make this into such a huge issue.

what do you think?

OP posts:

Fantasmicos · 03/02/2015 12:26

Yep don't disagree with that. Maybe he should go out to a warehouse rave with some of his 40 year old friends instead of hassling his wife to get on it

PandorasToyBox · 03/02/2015 12:27

Yes heart I know, plenty of other ethnobotanicals that are not being produced in human misery.

Sorry for going off topic op

AdoraBell · 03/02/2015 12:29

I suspect if you were living with a reasonable person who respected you and shared the load of parenting then your sex life would be better than it is.

That's what he needs to work on, rather than bullying you into submission which frequently has a negative impact on the person being bullied. And therefore the relationship. And therefore their sex life. And around it goes.

And I don't accept the "mid life crisis" line either. For me the deal breaker is him behaving they way he is and effectively threatening to leave unless you comply. Personally I'd get in first and petition on the basis that he's threatened abandonment unless you agree to take illegal drugs with him.

heartisaspade · 03/02/2015 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fantasmicos · 03/02/2015 13:04

Could you compromise and get absolutely shitfaced on strong cider?

heartisaspade · 03/02/2015 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlicedAndDiced · 03/02/2015 13:34

I think special brew would be more of a compromise

gamerchick · 03/02/2015 13:38

He's an idiot. You don't know if either of you did any damage to your hearts in your younger days. Now you are older.. so are your hearts. Why take the risk?

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 03/02/2015 14:32

So you weren't shocked at the horse meat in food scandal then due to the legality, traceability, assurances or guarantees offered by reputable retailers. Surely they wouldn't be doing dodgy stuff, they're big businesses after all

Whether I was shocked or not that horsemeat was used in manufactured foods is neither here nor there is it. When it was discovered, despite the fact that people's health wouldn't be harmed by consumption, the outlets concerned recalled the products and offered refunds.
The traceability and quality guarantees worked and the issue was goods not as described not goods unfit for human consumption.
I don't think that happens with illegal drugs

By the way, you missed out where I said
The real point though is that just because other things are bad, it doesn't make something else less bad or ok in any way

EugenedeRastignac · 03/02/2015 15:31

Not so FriendlyAppleEater You are the one on the soapbox, if you really think the need to eat and clothe yourself equals the 'need' of the naice people to have some coke, well, I guess the stuff really fucked up your brain already.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/02/2015 15:53

If the H in question was merely suggesting that it would be fun to do some drugs together and have rampant sex like they used to, it wouldn't be that bad. Recreational drugs are often enjoyable, which is why people take them. Whining about illegality is a bit silly: the drug laws are ridiculous and (like all laws) people make their own choices about whether or not they are worth obeying.

The problem here is that the H is being unreasonable and selfish in trying to bully the OP into obeying him.

shaska · 03/02/2015 16:08

"If the H in question was merely suggesting that it would be fun to do some drugs together and have rampant sex like they used to, it wouldn't be that bad. Recreational drugs are often enjoyable, which is why people take them. Whining about illegality is a bit silly: the drug laws are ridiculous and (like all laws) people make their own choices about whether or not they are worth obeying.

The problem here is that the H is being unreasonable and selfish in trying to bully the OP into obeying him."

Couldn't agree more.

Fantasmicos · 03/02/2015 19:35

Eugened, such a stupid, predictable and flawed argument. We don't subsist in this country, people chose to indulge in a highly wasteful culture of consumption, and it has a huge human cost. People got by before Primark and New Look, those retailers aggressively stole market share and grew explosively with a strategy of new low pricepoints in the high street that had never been seen before, and the public lapped it up. The same public, who were all clothed before, of course. Then the stories came out about sweatshops, and the exploitation, the retailers hushed it up for as long as they possibly could, 'it's not us guv honest' before the proliferation of the internet and investigative reporting exposed that actually they were indirectly employing children in practical slavery conditions, and guess what, those shops are still booming even though this is all well known.

Enrique, "The traceability and quality guarantees worked" if your idea of quality guarantees working is eating horsemeat probably for several years, literally as long as the corporations could get away with it for, you must not be an English speaker as you clearly don't understand basic English words like "worked"

Eekaman · 03/02/2015 22:28

I like recreational drugs, always have, always will. I support decriminalisation. Always have, always will.

I do not like the concept of anyone being forced / coerced / bullied to do anything they do not want to do. Always haven't. Always won't.

If this were him forcing you to go to the opera with him, or train spotting, or robbing banks, it doesn't matter, it's one person forcing another to do something they do not want.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/02/2015 22:55

LOL at "Paul Weller haircut" and "adjusting his horrible little fronds."

In all seriousness, though, I'd be wondering where the feck he thinks he's going to get these drugs from? It's not like he can pull another dad (with frondy hair?!) aside at school pick up and give him a nudge and a knowing look, is it?

He must already have someone in his current circle who is using and has been tempted by hearing about it, that's if he hasn't already been dabbling again. He must have his potential supply arranged in his head already to even mention this.

It's madness, by the way, what is he thinking? Jesus, imagine the shame at school if he gets arrested for possession? Are Social Services going to start sniffing around if anyone to do with the kids happens to hear about this?

This is without thinking of the quite obvious dangers of having drugs in a House where children are around. What are you going to do - lock it away safely in the medicine cupboard with the calpol?!

I'm laughing at his pathetic was and making fun of him but his attitude towards you is disgusting. I'm not sure how youcan get past it without him realising what a twat he's being about it and then apologising to you.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/02/2015 23:00

I meant to also say that you may well change your mind about not minding him going off and doing drugs on his own - have you forgotten how fucking annoying someone who is high OR coming down is, when you've not taken a thing yourself? It'll be like being the only sober one among a crowd of loud, drunken mates - only 10 times worse. You would grow to despise him because of it. And lose all respect.

I really think you could both do with some relationship counselling here. And soon.

EugenedeRastignac · 05/02/2015 12:16

Fantasmicos You do know some people in this country buy from primark because it is the only thing they can afford? Not everyone lives on MN land with a lady of leisure SAHM and the wealthy husband's wages.

But if you think, again, the need for cheap food and cheap clothes in one of the wealthiest countries on earth (I am speaking about people who really can't afford to spend hundreds of pounds on a handbag, as you can see on style and beauty). Then I guess it's pointless to have a conversation with you.

NorksAreMessy · 05/02/2015 12:28

ptumbi · 05/02/2015 16:07

OP - no-one should be pressurised in to taking anything into his/her body that he'she doesn't want.

Applies to drugs, alcohol, meat (if vegetarian), penises...

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