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Original poster

DH wants me to take drugs

119 replies

justsayno2015 · 02/02/2015 13:35

In our twenties my DH and I enjoyed using recreational drugs. We would go clubbing and out with friends and drugs was a part of our lives. Im now nearly 40 and have 2 DCs. I am no longer interested in taking drugs and that part of my life is over.

The problem is that my DH still wants us to take drugs together. He thinks that as we both use to enjoy them, we can still take drugs every now and again and we can have some fun and be closer for doing them.

I really don't want to do drugs anymore, if he wants to go off and do some that's fine, but I don't. He says im being unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. He cannot see where im coming from at all. He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker. I feel that I am being perfectly reasonable to not want to do drugs anymore. I think he is being extremely unreasonable to make this into such a huge issue.

what do you think?

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 02/02/2015 15:52

I think its fine if you want to and agree very occasional use for fun won't harm you, as long as you are careful.

There is no way you should do it because somebody else wants you to, your dh is BVVVU.

Let it be a marriage deal breaker then, it shows the drugs or the heightened sex is what he is interested in (being closer). I can't imagine in what other way it would make you closer.

BeCool · 02/02/2015 16:05

Can I just say I've taken drugs of many kids over the years - I'm not a prude when it comes to drugs. Each to their own I say.

But your H is behaving like a fucking dick head.
"He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker."

You are being very understanding & tolerant and he drops this nasty bullying bullshit on you.

I would find that extremely hard to come back from. Bloody hell, how is you taking drugs "doing something for him"?

BeCool · 02/02/2015 16:06

FFS - "drugs of many kids"

KINDS KINDS!

(clearly they had no effect whatsoever)

Lweji · 02/02/2015 16:09

"He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker."

I fully agree and tell him he should fuck off he he kept pressuring me to take drugs.

Our sex life is pretty bad at the moment and he thinks that we need to lose our inhibitions and get closer by doing drugs

I suspect you'd enjoy your sex life better if he stopped being a bastard.

l4j4eva · 02/02/2015 16:10

don't do it OP

Fairenuff · 02/02/2015 16:15

He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker.

Well he could give it as a reason in the divorce court and I'm sure the judge will look very favourably on him Grin

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/02/2015 16:33

What a bizarre man. I think he's pressuring you OP because he's got a problem and thinks, if you're joining in, he can indulge more often. Seen it before with alcoholics. If the partner drinks, they've got the excuse to uncork another bottle. If the partner doesn't drink they feel conspicuous drinking alone.

I'd suggest, especially as he's escalating it to making or breaking your marriage, that he's not being honest about his habit

shaska · 02/02/2015 16:50

It doesn't matter how old you are or whether you have kids or what your reasons for not wanting to take drugs are. Someone who threatens to break up with you if you won't take drugs with them is a prize twat, and I can't see how this could be the only thing they're being a prize twat about, if their twattishness has reached such heights.

You're not even saying HE can't take drugs. I know a bunch of people who have that arrangement, and while it's not for me, I don't think it's out of the bounds of normality.

That said, I am too old for drugs. The aftermath isn't worth the process. You think it'll be fun, but then you realise it's the exact same fun you've had before, except with a small voice in the back of your head saying 'you're going to PAY for this next week. PS remember how when you were 20 you thought anyone over 35 who took drugs was either a creepy saddo or in need of intervention? Are you SURE you were wrong?'

Branleuse · 02/02/2015 17:05

It sounds like hes desperatly trying to regain a connection with you. You say the intimacy has gone.
Do you go out for drinks together, or have breaks together at all.

Of course hes being completely unreasonable if he wants you to go out and take class A's, even if the reasons for it come from a regaining intimacy place.
Sounds like hes fixated on what will fix it, but it really wont, and hes unreasonable to put that sort of pressure on

Chillyegg · 02/02/2015 17:45

I'm sorry but what the actual fuckAngry!

Your DH sounds like a prize twat!

I'm not judging about the experimentation in your 20's but as someone who lost their father from drugs at the age of 5 I think it's disgusting!
He has kids what happened if it was cut dodgy or he accidentally OD'd.
I have 1 friend who " tried" something he thought was MDMA in a club it was cut with dodgy heroin he was in a coma for 3 days.
My other very lovely and beautiful friend was coerced into MDMA in a club at Uni ( had never tried drugs before) he had an allergic reaction and died.
Also drugs like coke etc have long term affects of affecting libido, physiological conditions and other physical conditions.
He's being an irresponsible twat and has no right to bully you. If It was me I'd be kicking him out. Do you really want him to be round your kids on a come down?

FriendlyAppleEater · 02/02/2015 18:13

Why don't you give him a taste HOMhis own medecin (literally and figuratively) by getting something really nasty like DMT or Ketamine and suggesting you try that and watch him back down. Obvs you'd have to front it and do some if he called you on it.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/02/2015 18:28

Well for one thing, having friends over for dinner isn't illegal Hmm

juneau · 02/02/2015 18:34

If my DH pulled that kind of shit on me I'd call his bluff.

"Me not doing drugs with you is a deal-breaker? Fine, well there's the fucking door - if you want to leave BECAUSE I WON'T DO A LINE OF COKE WITH YOU, go for it!"

Chunderella · 02/02/2015 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muckymoo71 · 02/02/2015 19:03

I've had the odd coke sex session and yes it was good but it's not a good idea for parents to do it together, what if the MDMA was spiked? That would be a hard one to explain in hospital. I think you're being responsible and grown up, us mums seem to have a filter built in after we have kids and that's not a bad thing. If things aren't great and you want to reconnect there are other ways of doing so.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/02/2015 19:11

Ugh, this man is despicable.

Squitten · 02/02/2015 19:27

Me and DH dabbled a bit in our 20s and it was fun.

Now we all have marriages and/or families and I don't know anyone who does that anymore. We all have responsibilities and me and DH certainly wouldn't take the risks these days.

If my DH told me it would be a deal breaker, that would definitely be the end of my marriage

albal14 · 02/02/2015 19:45

Not a drug user and never have been. Total waste IMHO.

yOUR dp sounds a real immature child to me. Certainly is a deal breaker.

Tell him to grow up and get on with being a responsible DP and father.

HootyMcTooty · 02/02/2015 20:14

Drugs aren't the answer to improving your sex life. He sounds like an immature prick.

Just say no.

HatieKopkinsgob · 02/02/2015 20:26

He is a bully, if it wasn't drugs he were trying to force you into it would be something else.

Bluestocking · 02/02/2015 20:32

I know this isn't funny (and yes, OP, this is a clear dealbreaker) but I did LOL at the dreadful Paul Weller hairstyle references. Those haircuts have an absolutely unbreakable correlation with pathetic mid-life crisis mongers. I saw a fantastic one on the train the other day - he kept sneaking looks at himself in the window and carefully adjusting his horrible little fronds. Bleurgh.

dalekanium · 02/02/2015 20:41

... And I bet if you do do drugs together he will be the one volunteering to get up at 7am to see to the kids...

SomethingOnce · 02/02/2015 20:42

Poor Paul Weller - his haircut has been appropriated by mid-life crisis victims.

I always think, what would happen if one were high as a kite and had to deal with a DC-related emergency? Doesn't bear thinking about. Soooo not worth even putting oneself in that position.

Timetoask · 02/02/2015 20:51

Please don't give in op. He needs to grow up! You have children, you both need to act like responsible adults. Lead by example for your children's sake.

meandjulio · 02/02/2015 20:59

I'm with branleuse - it sounds like what he is saying is 'I want more intimacy, the way it used to be when we were doing drugs together' and the drugs have become a shortcut symbol for that other time.

Which does make it a bit more understandable. But it also sounds like a distraction. Ask him, does he really mean, he wants more and better sex? Why does he think forcing you to do something you don't want to will get him anywhere in that direction?

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