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Original poster

DH wants me to take drugs

119 replies

justsayno2015 · 02/02/2015 13:35

In our twenties my DH and I enjoyed using recreational drugs. We would go clubbing and out with friends and drugs was a part of our lives. Im now nearly 40 and have 2 DCs. I am no longer interested in taking drugs and that part of my life is over.

The problem is that my DH still wants us to take drugs together. He thinks that as we both use to enjoy them, we can still take drugs every now and again and we can have some fun and be closer for doing them.

I really don't want to do drugs anymore, if he wants to go off and do some that's fine, but I don't. He says im being unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. He cannot see where im coming from at all. He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker. I feel that I am being perfectly reasonable to not want to do drugs anymore. I think he is being extremely unreasonable to make this into such a huge issue.

what do you think?

OP posts:

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/02/2015 13:57

It would be a marriage deal breaker for me
if dh came out with this kind of crap.

I imagine he has a dreadful Paul Weller hair cut too. (totally irrelevant)
We all got fed up with responsibilities sometimes, but anyone who insists their partner has to take drugs with them is a massive twat.

Nomama · 02/02/2015 14:01

Oh yes! it is indeed a dealbreaker, a marriage wrecker, a strong indicator that it is over between you.

If you cannot join him in his mid life crisis then you are indeed a very bad wife and should be freed dismissed from all wifely duties with immediate effect.

Silly bugger. What does he think he is doing? Has he entered himself for any competitions? Oldest Swinger in Town, perhaps!

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 02/02/2015 14:03

Well, if you're with an unreasonable childish whiner whose idea of having good sex is to make sure you take some coke first, I'm not surprised your sex life is a bit shit. I can't imagine he's a particularly creative or sensitive person to sleep with.

Oh, and YANBU, he's a twat. From another person who indulged similarly, then grew up.

He's chasing lost youth, by the way. Wee midlife crisis. Tell him to toddle off and take some. It won't be the same. That's why people move on from it: it's not the same when you're forty, have children, and aren't surrounded by friends the same age with no responsibilities. It isn't just the drugs that make you feel like that, you know, and you can't go back.

Tell him to work that one out and FUCK OFF with his ultimatums.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 02/02/2015 14:04

LOL at Paul Weller haircut!!

YES.

hahahaha can't abide men like this (it's almost ALWAYS men).

'Avin it laaaaarge.

BaffledSomeMore · 02/02/2015 14:05

Well that will be an interesting divorce petition.

Joysmum · 02/02/2015 14:08

He doesn't love you if he can't respect your wishes and is pressuring you to do something do dangerous

bettyboop1970 · 02/02/2015 14:08

There are many ways to improve your sexlife, coercing and bullying someone to take drugs is definitely not one of them!
Where are your DC's going to be whilst you are getting off your tits?
Do you really want cocaine or MDMA in your house with your DC's?
How would you feel if DC took drugs?
What sort of example are you setting them?
The deal breaker for me would be that I could not be with someone who even suggested this to me.
I would tell him to do one.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/02/2015 14:09

Coke won't help your sex life btw.

OhMjh · 02/02/2015 14:11

tantrums I was thinking that...quite the opposite actually.

Jan45 · 02/02/2015 14:11

You sound totally switched on OP, he sounds just a complete idiot and his reasons for wanting you to do something illegal are just pathetic.

Nolim · 02/02/2015 14:12

Yanbu

SweetsForMySweet · 02/02/2015 14:13

YANBU. Your "D"H sounds like he has a drug addiction. If he says it's a deal breaker in your marriage, I would agree with him. You and your dc don't need an addict in your lives so he should pack his bags and hit the road if he isn't willing to be drug free. He's 40 not 14, he needs to grow up

Millionprammiles · 02/02/2015 14:14

heartis - but any positive effects will be massively outweighed by the colossal argument you'll have in the morning about who's turn it is to wake up with the kids. Just saying.

acatcalledjohn · 02/02/2015 14:18

Your DCs should be enough of a reason for him to not want to do drugs. If they aren't, I'd question his suitability as a responsible parent.

He's willing to break the family unit you have over drugs. That's drugs before family. YADNBU.

hoobypickypicky · 02/02/2015 14:23

"He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker"

Here's an idea. Tell him that it certainly will be if he doesn't STFU and grow up fast.

heartisaspade · 02/02/2015 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upthedamnwotsit · 02/02/2015 14:59

Christ. Two people taking drugs together when one of them wants to be bond and have lots of sex and the other person is feeling pressured, worried and is being blackmailed ('this could be a marriage deal breaker') is an absolute disaster waiting to happen. He should realise that if he's done these drugs before and has any common sense, though by the sound of it he's lacking when it comes to the latter. He clearly doesn't have much consideration for you mental well-being if he's going to keep pushing and pushing for you to do this against your will.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 02/02/2015 15:07

I don't even think this is about illegal drugs. I don't drink alcohol any more and would be devastated if my husband started pressuring me into drinking, to loosen me up or make me more fun or get closer. In fact it's laughable. You have bodily integrity- you can decide what you put into your body, so can he, it isn't an overlapping thing (or shouldn't be in a happy tolerant relationship which this clearly is not).

expatinscotland · 02/02/2015 15:08

Sounds like a great dealbreaker to me. I'd let him know where the door is, don't let it hit him in the way out. What a total saddo he is.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 02/02/2015 15:18

Interesting that his answer to resurrecting a better sex life is to pressure you into something you've expressly said you don't want to do
That's likely to work well isn't it.

He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker

Do you have any marriage deal breakers OP?

pocketsaviour · 02/02/2015 15:19

Honestly it sounds like you have grown up, and he hasn't. The thing about "I let you invite your friends over even though I don't like them" is frankly a bit weird.

Does he tend to go out with his mates and do coke/E? Is he genuinely looking for a way to improve your sex life or is that a red herring?

pocketsaviour · 02/02/2015 15:22

Let me just clarify about "you invite your friends over".

Inviting your OH's friends over for dinner occasionally, even if they are dull/annoying/UKIP voters, is one of the compromises we make in an adult relationship.

To say that he's "putting up" with this and he thinks that an acceptable return would be you taking a drug you don't want to... It's just so far out of normal adult behaviour. It strikes me as very childish.

Allalonenow · 02/02/2015 15:29

Next time he says it's a deal breaker your reply should be....

"Yes, you're right. There is the door."

RandomNPC · 02/02/2015 15:45

Just say no

Ems1812 · 02/02/2015 15:48

Taking drugs to feel closer?!

Jeez, if it takes drugs to make you feel closer as a couple, then there are serious issues in this relationship. What's wrong with spending time together without children, going for a walk or weekend away?

Sorry but when you have children, it's time to grow up. That includes not taking drugs. It's not bloody difficult, he sounds like he's desperate to be young again.
As someone who grew up with a father who regularly took drugs, this pisses me off. He's being selfish & childish. Taking drugs when you have children, just for the fun of it is pathetic & can be seriously damaging to children who witness it.

Good for you for sticking to your guns, tell him to get a life.

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