DH wants me to take drugs

[justsayno2015]

In our twenties my DH and I enjoyed using recreational drugs. We would go clubbing and out with friends and drugs was a part of our lives. Im now nearly 40 and have 2 DCs. I am no longer interested in taking drugs and that part of my life is over.

The problem is that my DH still wants us to take drugs together. He thinks that as we both use to enjoy them, we can still take drugs every now and again and we can have some fun and be closer for doing them.

I really don't want to do drugs anymore, if he wants to go off and do some that's fine, but I don't. He says im being unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. He cannot see where im coming from at all. He said that this could be a marriage deal breaker. I feel that I am being perfectly reasonable to not want to do drugs anymore. I think he is being extremely unreasonable to make this into such a huge issue.

what do you think?

I'm another one who thinks this may be more about him trying to get you to open your legs more often. He sounds very selfish. Does he pull his weight domestically, or is he always off out with his mates/doing drugs and leaving the bulk of the housework and childcare to you?

I've done plenty of recreational drugs in my uni days and early twenties.

Now I have little kids, I've had a line of coke at a party since then (kids with grannie) and tbh, all it does is makes me not want to leave at 2am, but keep going. So then I have a 2 day hangover and the dreaded "fear". It's not worth it, it's a waste of time.

If DH wanted me to do e like we used to and have mind blowing sex, I'd be tempered! But because I wanted to, no because he made me.

For me this all about enthusiastic consent, and you by not giving it-as is your right- has made him issue you unreasonable ultimatums. Ridiculous! Is that how hed like his daughter to be treated by a future boyfriend?! Oh go on, take this class a and shag me? Thought not!

what ?

I think anyone over 20 who does drugs for 'fun' is stupid and pathetic.
Only teenagers can do it without me judging them so much because they are not mature enough.

People die from using drugs. It destroys lives.

Tell your DH to fuck off.

What sort of example would you be giving your children, OP, if you were to give in to this pressure? And I don't mean about the taking of drugs per se, but rather doing anything they don't want to because of peer pressure.

EugenedeRastignac you should try reading the Daily Mail. It would be right up your angry judgemental street.

It's knee jerk to accuse those who don't like drug use as being cats-bum mouthed DM types. Do any of these recreational coke users know how many people die in places like Mexico so they can have a sniff? Those who would boycott Nestlé in a heartbeat don't like to think where their drugs come from; it's not organically grown somewhere. Drug cartels aren't really like Walter White.

FriendlyAppleEater You should try having someone you love dying because of drug use.

Thank you RandomNPC it seems some animals are indeed more equal than others. All fine for some brown people to die, women to be murdered in Mexico and other countries so naice people can have a line of recreational coke.

Get off your soap box, everything you buy comes from a supply chain tainted with exploitation. Your lifestyle choices cause misery to untold people. Do you think all cars should he banned too as they kill? It's mainly ignorance that kills drug users.

'Whattaboutary' bullshit, FriendlyAppleEater

Oh come on, the coke trade is utterly disgusting and the human cost is unimaginable.
Hash from Morocco - meh. MDMA from someone's basement - also meh. Cocaine from South america - you're a total wanker.

Totally agree, Ehric. When it comes to murder and mayhem, coke is in a league of its own.

I'm very relaxed about recreational drug use in and of itself, but supporting the coke trade is ethically inexcusable.

Fucking hell I've read it all now. How the actual fuck an adult can shrug their shoulders at the horrific nature of the Coke trade is disgusting and ingnorant in the extreme.

Tell your dh to go and read up on cocaine production, tell him to imagine his dc stamping on the chemicals used to release the drug from the plant with their bare feet, blistering and burning. Tell him to imagine you his dw being forced into the flesh trade as a part of the system of delivery to those in the west, who like him, enjoy a line of pure human misery up his nose just so that he can feel good.

Tell him to fuck off and do his research complete with 'lovely' glossy images of the people forced to work in this abhorrent trade, tell him to either grow up of fuck off with being a 'pusher man'.

I am so on your behalf.

Here we go some 'light and entertaining' for him to start with, just to ease him in gently mind, from there I'm sure he can look up other grim realities with regard to cocaine.

Whilst you're doing a bit of reading, better make sure you're careful where you shop for your clothes, you wouldn't want to be perpetuating a child having to work 60 hour weeks in unsafe conditions just to net a bargain in Primani.

www.theguardian.com/world/2014/feb/06/bangladesh-garment-factories-child-labour-uk

Also, for those who are married, hopefully your engagement ring has conflict free diamonds?

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/sierraleone/7936115/Blood-diamonds-and-war-crimes-the-conflict-in-Sierra-Leone.html

Huh, if all that's true (I'm sure it is) then it's rather an argument for legalizing them and pulling some control over the manufacturing process.

Mind you, I'm told that there are such things as Blood Avocados too ... apparently called green gold. That was a mild surprise.

(still don't think you shoudl take them just because your teenage husband wants to get high and have sex; you moved on, he hasn't; pressuring you is just wrong).

I'm not on a high horse but I can honestly say that my engagement ring has certified conflict free diamonds. I researched that before we purchased.
I've also never knowingly shopped at places where clothes are sourced from the sweatshops, although I accept that it would probably be well nigh impossible to be absolutely sure of that.

Buying clothes and jewellery on the high street isn't illegal though is it and they come with some forms of traceability, assurances or guarantees.
The real point though is that just because other things are bad, it doesn't make something else less bad or ok in any way.

Anyway the debate about the illegal drugs trade is muddying the waters about sayno's situation and how to help her with it. He could equally be trying to force her into binge drinking or anything else against her will, the fact that it's drugs makes the problem multi faceted, but the essence is the same.

He difference is folks that one can make an informed choice regarding clothes, diamonds etc as we have things like fair trade certification on produce bought in a shop. I have yet to come across organic biodynamic fair trade cocaine that has info on the workers conditions [humm]

"Buying clothes and jewellery on the high street isn't illegal though is it and they come with some forms of traceability, assurances or guarantees"

So you weren't shocked at the horse meat in food scandal then due to the legality, traceability, assurances or guarantees offered by reputable retailers. Surely they wouldn't be doing dodgy stuff, they're big businesses after all.

"one can make an informed choice"

That argument doesn't stand up as most people are ignorant, wilfully or not, judging by how busy fast food places & cheap clothes stores are

Shocking hypocrisy from people vilifying cocaine users for supporting the supply chain, not that I participate myself, but I see it as just as hypocritical and hollow as sex offenders being hated in prison by their fellow...er... criminals.

Also why the hell should anyone be forced to put chemicals into their body just because their dh wanted them to, this 'man' needs to stop acting like some sleezey pusher just coz he wants to get his jollies?

What would he do op if you both took some that was say cut with H and one of you ended up dead? These things do happen . Where would that leave yours and his dc? Has he thought of that?

My advise would be for you both to have counselling, providing he wasn't normally abusive, if he is then maybe you could get some inorder to work through if you wish to stay with him or not.

It does sound to me that your marriage dynamics are needing to be looked at.

How is he towards you in other ways?