My sister wrote a letter about me to the guardian.....

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

It got published. It was full of wild accusations and assumptions and was really unfair.

I only just found out.

She's pretty much permanently depressed so I cant really go mad, but I'm so hurt I really don't want much to do with her. I'm had a go at her yesterday, shouted at her for the first time ever, then ended up consoling her over a cup of tea. I always suck up this sort of thing. And we've always been really close....I thought.

To make things worse, she told my best friend who couldn't face telling me so it's double humiliation. For some reason that's made me much more upset.

I'm mortified because anybody who knows me will have read it as all my friends read the guardian....

What do I do now?

I don't think that's the point of the letters. It's not an article.

The point is people vent as if it's private.

I don't like or read it, but hey papers have to try different things.

Again, I'm sure they've considered the legal ramifications.

They may well have "considered" the legal aspect, but that doesn't mean there isn't a case against them if they published things that are defamatory when the subject can be identified.

There is no such thing as "as if it's private" when you are putting something in the paper.

That's why we have libel laws.

Why haven't they been sued yet then?

Well, she's obviously upset with herself. Why's that odd? If she wasn't upset, I'd have cut her out.

She agrees I always listen to her, agrees it was needless, agrees that I'm always there for her etc. in short she says I didn't deserve it, and I didn't. And she, when she wrote it, assumed I'd read it as I read the G .... But not as thoroughly as I used to, because I'm busy, like everybody else. Plus she's prone to very bad hormonal swings ie two weeks a month she actually feels suicidal which must be horrendous. I'm assuming/hoping that's when she wrote it.

Of course it was about me ffs.....she didn't mention herself at all. Just what a shit I am. There was lots of editing apparently. Apparently they deliberately showed me in a bad light, I know that's horseshit.

They probably pre check every letter, just in case. Anyway, it's not that important.

Op, I can see why you're upset, I thought the list was yours not hers.

So Op - you've raised this with, insisted she refute it, insisted if she doesn't say sorry nicely you'll finish with her and I assume as a result withdraw access to your son - and you think that she's painted you in a bad light . I implore you - listen to what she said. Because it's not slander if it's true.

Why haven't they been sued yet then?

Because the OP just found out about this and doesn't seem keen to take a case against them??

By anyone? They've been doing this for a while. I still think they cover all this pretty well. I'm sure they can afford good lawyers.

The OP cannot sue a paper for printing an anonymous letter reflecting the feelings of a relative.

Exactly

insisted if she doesn't say sorry nicely you'll finish with her

Well yes I think the OP should do this. Grown ups don't get to plaster their worst thoughts all over a newspaper and get no come back. It may well be her truth but she seems to be rowing back from that even. And she's ended up sobbing hysterically while the OP is consoling her.

Lots of newspapers edit stories to make them more one-sided, more salacious etc. the story is more likely to get forwarded, tweeted, facebooked etc, so they get more advertising revenue. Just because The Guardian is a left-leaning newspaper doesn't mean it's immune to that, sadly. So on that score, I'd be inclined to believe her. Can she show you the letter she sent in, prior to editing.

Look, I'm not denying, it was a shitty move on her part. Maybe it was done at a time when she was feeling particularly hard done to, who knows, there's obviously a reason why she is resentful toward you, but it's still a shitty thing to do. However, I think this is an opportunity to explore the real dynamic of your relationship with your DSis, I'm sure you can both learn something from it and try to forge a more meaningful bond. If she's still intent on blaming you for everything then reduce contact and look after yourself, but if I were you I'd at least attempt to explore why it happened first.

She's had a year though to think about what a fucking awful thing it was to do, come clean & apologise.

Instead of what?

Carrying on as normal & thanking her lucky stars that she had got away with it?

of course she's upset that it has come to light!

On a lighter note. This reminds me of when I was idly reading an agony aunt column in the Independent I think, when I was a student. It was one where the public got to weigh in and add answers as well as the agony aunt.

The problem was about troublesome teenagers and one of the public's answers was about what a disappointment your kids can be. I got to the bottom and saw that this particular reply was from... my mum!

Luckily I wasn't very upset - I already knew by then that she was somewhat lacking as a parent and I wouldn't have expected anything else. It did piss me off that her full name was attributed though (and it was her, as she has a habit of doing things like this and has a v unusual name).

The OP cannot sue a paper for printing an anonymous letter reflecting the feelings of a relative.

If she's identifiable, and if the letter defames her, she absolutely can.

There are lots of reasons why she might choose not to, cost being chief among them, but the paper has fucked up here if she's been identified from the content they published.

People don't have carte blanche to publish their negative "feelings" about other people, if those "feelings" involve impugning that person's good character.

By anyone? They've been doing this for a while.

Well first of all, you don't know that they have' been sued previously for one of these articles.

They'd never go to court for one of these, they'd settle and gag.

Second of all, perhaps this is the first time they were foolish enough to publish a letter where the subject was easily identifiable.

Well you seem pretty sure, are you a lawyer out of interest?

Well, she's obviously upset with herself. Why's that odd?

Perhaps because she's only upset now, months after the item was published??

You said yourself that she "expected you to read it" so if she's so sorry I'd expect her to have been in a state for ages, afraid of you finding out; instead the waterworks only begin now. Call me dense, but I'd have thought the reason for her tears (and their timing) is all too obvious

Marsha ... The Guardian have published an article featuring my family. Dozens of friends and acquaintances told us they read about us in the paper. We are identifiable to the point where my home address can be easily worked out. The person who they interviewed for this article has been carrying out a campaign of harassment against me and my family for years. The police have been involved and taken action. If the Guardian had even done 10 minutes worth of research they would not have published the article. It defames us HUGELY. It even puts the safety of me and my children at risk. We are consulting lawyers currently. When we sue them I doubt the Guardian will publish that we have taken legal action against them.

Fergus, I have every sympathy.

I haven't searched for the piece in question (at the request of the OP), but "wild accusations" could certainly be defamatory.

And feelings, such as "he's a complete bollocks and I don't trust him" could be too.

There are lots of things you can think that you can't say and things you can say that you shouldn't publish.

Which is why this feature is so problematic.

Yvette I can see that sounds horrible, but I really am interested in whether this anonymous Letters page is the same and whether a lawyer would take up the op's case.

Not that she's suing of course, but out of interest.

I won't see it, most I know can't stand ghost lefty,sanctimonious rag anyhow.

Well, the problem here is that the OP has been identified by a third party. It is not anonymous if acquaintances can identify the subject of the letter. In the OP's case I would ask that paper take the letter down. If they refused I would consult a lawyer to compel them. However I am not a lawyer. The post of my post earlier that The Guardian are very careless, and they have left themselves open to legal action. However, I am not a lawyer.

I may be projecting because I am so very angry. I hate this publication with a passion because they have done a huge amount of damage to my family and I want to ensure they answer for it.

However, I do think they OP is dealing with this rather sensibly.

My case does not involve this column, btw.