New partners quizzing your previous sex life

[ProfessorPickles]

Last night my boyfriend started quizzing me about previous sexual partners, not about whether they were good etc but when it was and if they were a boyfriend or ONS.

It made me extremely uncomfortable and he wasn't pleased with what he heard as I lost my virginity at an extremely young age.
Personally I do not see the issue because I'd prefer to have had sex young with a boyfriend when I felt ready to, than for example wait til my 20s and maybe jump into bed with anyone because I felt desperate to get it over with! But if I'd done the latter I can't imagine it would have been an issue
He said that I'm not the person he thought I was (nice!) which is pretty much him saying I'm a slag.
I can't see the relationship lasting much longer but that's another story.

Anyway back to the thread!
Do you think it's ok for a partner to ask anything about your sexual history?
Is it always a red flag if they ask or is it sometimes ok?
Would you ever ask them yourself or be happy to answer them?
If you cheated in a previous relationship should you tell your new partner or is it irrelevant?

Personally I don't really want to know about a boyfriends sexual encounters, I don't see why you'd want to know!

Today is the day AnyFucker, I'm very nervous but feeling quite optimistic. I feel like it might be a weight lifted once it's over

So pleased you are making a stand. I had this with my second boyfriend who had issues that I had lost my virginity to someone else. That should have alerted me to the ensuing 4 years of shit.

Good luck Prof, you can do this!

yes good luck pickles. I so wish I had done this after my ex quizzed me on exactly how many previous sexual partners I had had. It should have been a massive warning bell. Later he would call me a whore and slag and that if I went out then my knickers would fall off. Then it was easier just not to go out.....etc etc. Real Madonna/whore stuff.

Yy Sunny, I was also called a slag by my then-boyfriend. It was even more hurtful as I had been called the same as a teenager by a boy I knew and had to my boyfriend how upset I was by it

I love your username Sunny!
I was a big fan when I was younger.

Thanks for all the support! I keep doubting myself (as I did in past relationships) then I look back on here and there's more and more MNer's reporting bad experiences with ex's who said the same

How's it going OP? Did you ditch the nobber?

Pickles Any news?

Hmm... anyone else thinking she probably hasn't?

Pickles - no judgement here if you couldn't go through with the dump. It's really hard to do. I hope you're OK though and that you don't let him make you feel bad about this, or about anything else.

If you haven't dumped him, Pickles remember that you can come back for support as many times as you need to

This is all wrong and he will make you feel bad about it forever. LTB.

I haven't told my DH numbers etc. He has overshared with me in the early days before I had a chance to stop him (he is very earnest, and has probably less experience than me, but still an average amount, nothing scandalous). I hate knowing, and wish he hadn't.

When I couldn't go through with it I was ashamed of myself and was too worried to look back on this thread because I knew you would know I hadn't gone through with it.
It's made me extremely happy that some of you have said I am welcome back for support even if I couldn't go through with it, thank you so so much. It really has made me very happy

We have now split up at last and I'm proud (ish) to say I initiated it instead
of sitting and suffering for longer.
Other than being judgemental he really was lovely and I'm sad the relationship has ended as we got on really well and he was in some ways a positive influence on my life. I think him being judgemental is because he has had a bit of a sheltered life IYSWIM? That doesn't make it any better though.

For the past 3 weeks I've been ill with stress and I wouldn't be surprised if he was the cause, even though he was lovely and very thoughtful I was always worried about what he thought of me.
He also prioritised pretty much all other areas of his life over me which is the reason I decided to ask whether he was happy just seeing me the small amount he did and he said he was happy with it and couldn't offer more time.
That teamed with worrying about his sometimes judgey attitude meant I couldn't continue being with him because it's been wearing me down!

On the positive side of this, I have had a relationship where it hasn't ended because they cheated (that I know of, ever the pessimist!), I've met a few lovely friends through him and even though it took me a while I initiated ending the relationship for the first time instead of suffering in silence!

Well done pickles! For what it's worth, doing it in your own time, using your own judgment as to what does and doesn't works for you is far better than either putting up with less than you deserve, or acting in a knee jerk way to us lot on here - even though each and every one wanted good things for you :)

Well done, pickles

Thank you very much
Fingers crossed that in a week or two it'll all be forgotten and I'll be getting on with my life!

He's coming tomorrow to give each other our things back, I'm not looking forward to it but I'm curious about how he will act with me

Oh no!!! Dont be alone you might be tempted!!!

Is that a good idea ?

I can't see it being an issue, he agreed splitting up was for the best and doesn't seem to give a shit now we aren't together
I imagine it'll be a nice awkward exchange of t shirts and random rubbish by the back door!

I can't see it being an issue, he agreed splitting up was for the best and doesn't seem to give a shit now we aren't together
I imagine it'll be a nice awkward exchange of t shirts and random rubbish by the back door!

ok, fair enough