He prefers blondes - what should I do

[mogratpineapple]

My husband intensely stares at EVERY blonde woman or teenager ALL THE TIME. I am brunette, obviously.

Even on our special anniversary weekends I cannot hold his attention if there are any around. He says that he loves me and I'm the one he married. I get that, but...I feel second best.

I have told him how I feel, like the kid who doesn't get picked for the team, but it carries on. I refer to myself as the B Team.

I have decided that I must do something else to boost my self-esteem in these situations. I think maybe I should move away from the crowds when we're in public - maybe sit in the car or go off on my own.

Am I being pathetic though? Or do I need to stand my ground?

He's not a lovely man. He's a twat. I wonder how all these poor blonde women feel to see some letch openly stare at them as they walk past.

Urgh.

And instead of feeling utterly embarrassed that your H is clearly himself the 'B team' when it comes to being a normal, non-creepy, adult man - you feel inadequate?!

It's bad enough that an adult person is so intellectually lacking as to fixate on one physical characteristic of the opposite sex and keep on about it. But to stare in the street? He must look like a particularly stupid Labrador having a chocolate drop waved in front of it. Gormless.

You know if you were blonde haired, he'd do the same thing, right?

This isn't about your hair colour and him being 'deprived' in some way of what he likes. It's about him being an inappropriate, creepy, objectifying wanker.

So, your question is not 'He prefers blondes'

It is 'He's a perverted tosser who openly stares at women and teenagers in the street - what should I do?'

'He is a lovely man'

.... and this is why you're destined to spend shopping trips sat in the car on your own feeling bad about yourself. Sorry. You do need to stand up for yourself but, if you're already making excuses and minimising the behaviour, he has no reason to take you seriously either.

Print out a picture of a large, glorious cock and get it out and stare at it every time he does it - always have it on you.

Make 'mmm... hmmm' noises.

Only agree to stop when he does.

I have to ask.... why would you marry him? Was he always like this?

Ask him if he even cares how shitty it makes you feel to be ignored whilst he ogles other women. Also, point out that if he can't stop casting his eye around at everyone else, one day he'll look back at you and you'll be gone.

How unpleasant! Women with blonde hair are people you know not just "blondes" and I expect they don't relish him staring at them while they're trying to go about their business. Your husband has no respect for you or for any other women by the sound of it

Captain - except that the OP has to mean that for it to work, and by the minimising she is doing, that doesn't seem likely

How strange!
Has he always done this?
Ask him why he married a brunette in that case?
You can have a general liking for a hair colour but to openly stare at ALL blonde women is just a bit weird.
Do you think he's doing it just to undermine you or piss you off?

She doesn't need to print out a pic of a large cock. Her DH sounds like a big enough one to look at!

Ask him why he married you.

And are you sure it's just blondes? I think it's more likely to be every attractive woman. It would make me feel sick if I were you OR on the receiving end of his letching. It's amusing to catch some guy look away when they've obviously checked you out but to have some weirdo staring or craning his neck? Ew.

If he stared at my blond DD and I saw him, I'd go over and tell him he was a lecherous git. He should be ashamed of himself.
And I would wonder why any woman put up with that when he was with her.

I wonder exactly what he thinks continually staring at blondes does for him?

There's plenty of (now defunkt) late teen blondes on page 3. Just saying. You should'nt of wed him.

'He is a lovely man: kind, helpful, generous. It's just when we go out and blondes appear...'

No, he's a pervy creep.

Oh my goodness!

Thank you all for your responses. I have thought about posting this for a long time but didn't in case everyone thought that I was over reacting.

I now see that I am not pathetic. My self-esteem has been boosted already.

Thank you all again.

What a revolting sounding man. Perhaps refuse to go out in public with him until he can act in a more respectful way.

OP,
Has he always been like this?

I'd call him on it when he does it in public. Next time you see him staring at a blonde teenager, have a go at him, in a loud voice, and maybe apologise to the teenager on his behalf for him being a starey, creepy letch with no sense of appropriate boundaries.

Afterwards ask how that made him feel.

On a more serious note, is this the only way he makes you feel worthless? Does he value your opinion, ask for it? Does he listen when you tell him about your day? Does he make an effort to do nice things for you? Or is he conditioning you not to question his behaviour, no matter if it makes you feel bad about yourself?

It sounds like the thin end of a very bad wedge to me. If you let this slide, what's the next step? Will he sleep with a blonde, because "he couldn't stop himself"?

What else can't he help himself from doing that make you uneasy?

It is JUST blondes and they are not necessarily attractive - he is drawn like a magnet before he can see their faces/ figures half of the time, when in cafes etc. Yes, he has always been like this but in the ealy days he tied to hide it from me with that rapid eye movement thing.

I do feel worthless in other ways, plainjanine, as if I'm at the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to his friends, interests etc.

I will definitely make a stand now. With consequences.

Sounds very OTT. The trouble is even if he stops doing it, you know he's just hiding it.

You should be the one that catches his attention.

Or rather, you should be with someone who thinks you are the bees knees not second to a whole raft of blondes.