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Original poster

OH stay out all night?

109 replies

patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:06

My OH has been invited to drinks for someone's birthday in the village where he used to live. I am free that night and not drinking so I said I will pick him up. He was VERY adamant that I shouldn't and that he should stay at his parents. I think this is strange as we are a couple, I have children so we get every other weekend on our own which is one of these times so I can't understand why he wouldn't want to come home to me and wake up with me? Wanting to stay at his parents and act like he's 20 again and not want to come home to his partner is immature and worrying I think.Am I being controlling and suspicious for no reason or is he out of order here?

OP posts:
LineRunner · 19/01/2015 19:08

He wants to get pissed?

handfulofcottonbuds · 19/01/2015 19:09

Maybe he doesn't want to put you out?

Maybe he doesn't want to be clock watching for the time you'll be picking him up?

Sometimes it's healthy to give a partner some freedom, saves them thinking you don't trust them.

Sundayplease · 19/01/2015 19:10

Do you live together?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:13

Perhaps he doesn't want a 'hometime' but wants to relax with his friends, drink and just go to sleep when he's ready.

It's one night. With his friends. Unless you have reasons to doubt him, it's really not a problem, imvho.

It's not that he doesn't want to come home to you and wake up with you. It's not about you. It's not a rejection of you or a criticism of you. He just wants to enjoy a night out with his friends and be relaxed about what time it ends, rather than have you come and pick him up (and how late would you be prepared to do that which in effect is giving a grown man a curfew)

SocialMediaAddict · 19/01/2015 19:15

To be honest if I was going to a party I wouldn't want to be collected. I'd want to get pissed and roll in to my parents at a time I chose and have a lie in.

Unless there's a massive backstory I wouldn't have a problem with this at all.

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:17

We don't officially live together but every weekend and 3 nights in the week he is at mine. I don't mind bring put out and will pick him up at any time. Is it wrong to expect him to come home and act like a man in a relationship?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 19:19

I don't think its strange, he doesn't want to commit to a time to leave the party.

LineRunner · 19/01/2015 19:19

Where does he live the other night of the week?

DixieNormas · 19/01/2015 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MythicalKings · 19/01/2015 19:20

Maybe he wants to spend time with his friends and his parents?

You don't live together so I think YABU.

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 19:21

Are you not invited to the party?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:22

I really don't think he's not 'acting like a man' by choosing to have a night out and stay at his parents rather than go to his girlfriend's. It isn't a rejection of you. He honestly isn't doing anything wrong.

iklboo · 19/01/2015 19:22

He's not coming 'home'. He'd be going back to yours. Maybe he wants to spend the next day with his parents or do something else with his mates as part of the celebration weekend.

SocialMediaAddict · 19/01/2015 19:23

I don't understand your comment 'act like a man in the relationship'?

He wants to get pissed with old mates, not have a curfew and see his parents in the morning. Not a problem at all.

yellowdaisies · 19/01/2015 19:23

I wouldn't have a problem with a partner doing that as a one off. Could you arrange a night out with some friends of your own so you don't feel you're being left out?

Or did you actually want to go with him to the party?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:24

so where is his home then? If he stays with you but doesn't live with you - where does he live?

If the answer is with his parents - then you are probably even more unreasonable Grin

Fairylea · 19/01/2015 19:25

Who does he normally live with? By himself? If his parents are closer to where he's out and he doesn't live with you I think that's very reasonable. Maybe he wants to get pissed and doesn't want you to see him in a state considering you're not at the living together stage.

Tobyjugg · 19/01/2015 19:25

I imagine that by staying with his parents he's free of any worries about (a) having to leave the party at a given time - he has maximum flexibility or (b) getting so pissed he does something stupid that annoys you or maybe even makes you want to dump him.

If this were a regular thing, or he was staying in an hotel or with a mate, then you'd have grounds for concern. As a one off and staying with family, I'd just let him do it.

(Plus, do you really want a seriously drunken bloke on your hands in the early morning?)

Millli · 19/01/2015 19:26

How long have you been dating.

Chaseface · 19/01/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:29

But that then feels like there is an ulterior motive. I will go out at any tim, e 2am in the morning! So he won't be clock watching, will just text when he's done.

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 19/01/2015 19:30

Why can't he go out with his mates and stay at his parents for one night?

You sound a bit controlling.

Vycount · 19/01/2015 19:32

Don't be daft Op, he'd rather sleep at his parents' house than wake you up in the wee hours to come and get him. At his parents' house he can have a nice lie and rest his hangover, and his mum will bring him a lovely cup of tea.

Millli · 19/01/2015 19:32

How long have you been dating Patch. It sounds to me like he just wants a night out by himself without having to think of anyone else.

Chaseface · 19/01/2015 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.