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Original poster

OH stay out all night?

109 replies

patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:06

My OH has been invited to drinks for someone's birthday in the village where he used to live. I am free that night and not drinking so I said I will pick him up. He was VERY adamant that I shouldn't and that he should stay at his parents. I think this is strange as we are a couple, I have children so we get every other weekend on our own which is one of these times so I can't understand why he wouldn't want to come home to me and wake up with me? Wanting to stay at his parents and act like he's 20 again and not want to come home to his partner is immature and worrying I think.Am I being controlling and suspicious for no reason or is he out of order here?

OP posts:
TurnOverTheTv · 19/01/2015 19:33

Goodness you sound very controlling! Leave him be, I'm sure no ulterior motive at all, just a chill out and then home to his parents, no biggie. I wouldn't think twice if my husband wanted to do this.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:35

Why do you need to control and monitor him?

He doesn't want to stop over at yours that night

That's ok. He's allowed. I think you're heading down a bad path with this, tbh.

Why are you like this? What are you scared of?

firesidechat · 19/01/2015 19:36

He must have very understanding parents. I hope my grown up children don't think they can doss here after a night out when they have a partner and home of their own to go to.

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:36

We've been together 2 and a bit years, known each other nearly 4. Was very gradual as he new lived with/had a relationship and I was separated with two children so it was slow and we are on the verge of living together properly. I just needed to know it was right as not wanting to move a man in too soon and confuse/upset my children. But if he needs to stay out rather than come home (and is it his home His other home is a flat, not his parents) doesn't that mean he's got something to hide or there's someone there he'd prefer to spend the night with?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 19:38

You are now sounding a little claustrophobic. Why would you want to go out at 2am to pick him up? Most partners might relictantly agree to pick their DP's up, but I'm fairly certain wouldn't be pleading to.

handfulofcottonbuds · 19/01/2015 19:38

Get a grip OP - you'll drive yourself insane with this - and drive him away.

Chaseface · 19/01/2015 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:39

Not invited as apparently its just guys

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 19/01/2015 19:40

Gosh you do sound very hard work. I'm with everyone else on this one. There is no issue here at all.

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 19:40

Well I will be one of those understanding parents, fireside, and very happy for my grown up children to come and stay the night if they've been to a party in our village.

Shinyshoes2 · 19/01/2015 19:41

You seriously need to back off. Let him go out with his mates for a night and go back to his parents.
You're not even living together.
Seriously, you'll lose him if you keep acting like his mother and are this controlling .
Whose having your kids if you do go get him at 4.00am ?
If you are for real, ( I don't think anyone can be this controlling) seriously listen to him. It's not all about you.

Millli · 19/01/2015 19:41

No it means he wants a night out with his mates without having to be accountable to you. Doesn't have to mean anything other than that. I get how you feel but if you push this he may get a little edgy about being controlled. Do you have any reason to think he wants to spend the night with someone else or something to hide? You have brought this idea up so there seems to be some trust issues here.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 19/01/2015 19:42

OP FGS give the man some space, don't smother him. He wants to go out with his friends, get drunk and go home to his parents.

You wanting to collect him at 2am is daft, why don't you trust him?

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:42

I know I'm being controlling but can't help it and can't see the logic of his views. I'm worried that loads of women will go, that he will not go back to his parents but to somewhere else, Don't really know..

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:43

no. It really doesn't mean he's got something to hide.

And it's not his home. It's your home. Which he stays at. As your boyfriend. His home is his flat. Which he pays rent/mortgage for and bills for and is his primary home.

If you don't address this issue you have, you are going to sabotage your relationship. It isn't normal to behave like this, it really isn't and it isn't going to make you happy.

Unless there's some massive dripfeed about how you once caught him shagging your sister or he's signed up to 73 dating sites and goes dogging on sundays, you have really got to have a word with yourself because this could go tits up for you.

He isn't doing anything wrong.

handfulofcottonbuds · 19/01/2015 19:43

You'll lose him if you carry on.

Shinyshoes2 · 19/01/2015 19:44

Then that's YOUR problem that YOU need to sort.
Not his
Leave him alone to go out and get pissed with his mates

whitsernam · 19/01/2015 19:45

I'm going to go down in flames here, but I do not understand the whole scene with "adult" men who have to stay out all night with their mates getting totally pissed. I do see where you are coming from, OP, and it seems really immature to me..... maybe not what a mum really wants in a partner.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:45

You don't need to see the logic of his views. That's not a prerequisite for this choice he is making.

You need to accept he has the right to make it.

It doesn't reflect on your relationship at all. I keep saying it but it is not a rejection of you! He just wants to go out, have a drink and then sleep at some point.

If you are getting to a point where you want to electronically tag him and monitor him then this relationship is doomed.

Have you been cheated on in the past?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:47

well, they don't have to, but if they want to, then that's fine.

From what the op describes though, he isn't staying out 'all night', he's simply having drinks with his friends then sleeping at his parents house who live close by.

He doesn't live with the OP. It's not like he's not "coming home to her" he's just not spending that particular night at her house.

Chaseface · 19/01/2015 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 19/01/2015 19:47

There could well be lots of women there and he could fuck them all before ringing you to get picked up at 01:00 so I don't really follow your logic.

Original poster
patch123 · 19/01/2015 19:48

My children are with their Dad that weekend.

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:50

so what's stopping you from going with him? or going out yourself? or having a nice quiet evening in with tv wine and a huge bar of chocolate?

It's nice to have some time to yourself, it really is.

You want to pick him up to make sure he hasn't gone off with some other woman.

That's really not good.

If you genuinely think that he is the sort of person who would do that, then trying to keep him under lock and key won't help. If someone wants to cheat - they will.

And if he isn't that sort, then all you're doing is insulting him, which is the kiss of death to a relationship.

But I feel like you aren't taking in anything you are reading because you are fixated on this.

Have you talked to him about it?

magpieginglebells · 19/01/2015 19:51

When I go and visit my parents I meet old school friends in the pub. One of them lives 6 miles away so stays with her mum and dad those nights. No ulterior motive, she's happily married but likes to be able to walk home whenever she's done.

If you have trust issues you need to address those, he could be shagging around on any of the nights he's not with you so no reason to think he will do on that particular night.