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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So upset about something that's happened to me today.

128 replies

tallymo · 17/01/2015 17:52

My son is in year 1 at school. Within weeks of him starting reception year I'd somehow managed to piss off another mum from his class for reasons unbeknown to me. I tried a couple of times to approach her and try to sort things out but was told to "fuck off".

If she doesn't like me then that's fair enough I don't really care, but she will not let things lie, and regularly talks about me loudly at school collection, pulls faces at me, and bad mouths me at any opportunity.

This afternoon I took my DS to a birthday party, and halfway through the party this other mum walked past me, stopped next to me, deliberately sent me flying, pulled a face at some other mums, who all just laughed, and walked off.

I was mortified, had to fight back tears, and took DS home as soon as possible.

The mums that laughed were all mums that I thought I got on well with, but they clearly don't like me much. After it had happened they were all chattering away to her like she was their best friend in the world. None of them asked if I was ok.

I feel so upset. I'm angry at myself for not saying anything but I didn't think it would do any good for me to start arguing at a kids' party.

OP posts:
BitchCheese · 18/01/2015 10:35

Older I think that's the case in a lot of schools. It's not what you know, it's who you know. A lot of schools are quite pathetic about bullying full stop.

Topseyt · 18/01/2015 10:37

I think you could well find when you speak to the head teacher that she has form and find yourself pushing an open door, so to speak. They probably won't tell you anything specific due to fear over data protection, but they should take it very seriously.

To all the sceptics and naysayers on this thread, I grew up with a headmaster father and teacher mother. I can absolutely assure you that this sort of thing CAN happen. Some of stories I heard as my parents sat down in the evenings and discussed their days (separate schools) could be toe curling, so in the end nothing really surprises you.

Just because YOU haven't experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't happen. When my children were at primary school and I still had to do school runs there were certainly some types I was wary of. There were also many who were lovely too.

SuchSweetSorrow · 18/01/2015 10:41

What an absolute bully. She sounds utterly vile.

Good for you for deciding to report her. Keep that head up high Flowers

ChippingInLatteLover · 18/01/2015 10:42

I can't imagine living somewhere that this sort of thing happens.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 18/01/2015 10:57

Where do you imagine this sort of thing happens, Chipping?

Vivacia · 18/01/2015 12:02

Well done for doing something OP.

I was wondering how I would react in the same position (if somebody ridiculously pushed me like this, at a children's party) and didn't have a clue.

I think you're probably right to ask the police for advice.

SoleSource · 18/01/2015 14:46

Chipping bullies live/work etc in all locations.

I believe you OP, report the cow to the Police.

The other women are cowards.

ihatethecold · 18/01/2015 16:50

Well done op.
You're doing the right thing.

Koalafications · 18/01/2015 16:58

Can't believe the other women stood and laughed... Disgraceful.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/01/2015 18:28

Hi Tally. Hope you're feeling better now. Glad you've decided to report. Wipe that clique bullying smirk off her face. That was abuse and you do not have to put up with it.

ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME · 18/01/2015 20:15

this sounds awful. I think you should definitely report it.
A grown adult should not be behaving this way especially at a child's party!!

bighairyspider · 18/01/2015 20:20

Glad you're reporting it. Perhaps the other lady who laughed but then called you to apologise can be a witness on your behalf.

ChippingInLatteLover · 18/01/2015 20:43

I don't 'imagine' where this sort of thing happens at all tbh, but I can tell you it wouldn't happen amongst the school mums where I live.

kaykayred · 18/01/2015 20:45

Good on you for reporting.

Out of interest - have you ever really stood up for yourself in front of her?

I think when people just "take the high ground", eg. shut up and just take it - then its and incentive for the bullies to just keep going, as they know that there isn't going to be any consequence for them. If you stand up for yourself quite often they back down because actually they are complete fucking cowards

Bogeyface · 18/01/2015 20:49

I can tell you it wouldn't happen amongst the school mums where I live.

Well bully for you! Pun intended.

There are a lot of things that wouldnt happen where I live, does that mean I dont believe it would never happen anywhere? Of course not.

And bullies are just as often rich powerful people who hide it very well than they are gobby and shouty. There was a guy locally accused of workplace bullying who lost his job and when it went to tribunal he lost that too. There was a bit of fuss about it as people were saying how nice he was and what a shock it was that he was so utterly vile to his staff. After he has been sacked the truth came out, many people had been too frightened to speak out in case they became the next victim.

He could be your next door neighbour, she could be one the school mums where you live. It happens everywhere and anywhere and it is very naive to suggest that it couldnt happen where you live!

sunnyfrostyday · 18/01/2015 20:56

Chipping - genuine question, but why not? I'm just wondering what sort of school mums you are picturing?

Vivacia · 18/01/2015 20:56

but I can tell you it wouldn't happen amongst the school mums where I live.

I'm glad to hear that it's not happened to you yet. What would you do if it did?

Kay I think you mean well, but it sounds a bit like you are blaming the OP for what someone else did to her.

SirRaymondClench · 18/01/2015 20:57

Chipping And why is it that this sort of thing does't happen where you live?

Bogeyface · 18/01/2015 21:07

And why is it that this sort of thing does't happen where you live?

I'm just wondering what sort of school mums you are picturing?

I think we are teetering on the edge of a very deep abyss that involves words that may cause a HUGE row if uttered.................

AmantesSuntAmentes · 18/01/2015 21:11

I don't 'imagine' where this sort of thing happens at all tbh, but I can tell you it wouldn't happen amongst the school mums where I live.

So, again, if it doesn't happen where you live, where would you imagine it does? What makes one place devoid of abusive people, yet others not, Chipping? I'm sure if there really was such a place, past victims and others would flock there in their millions!

So, I'm pretty sure most people are aware such a place doesn't exist. If you haven't encountered it, congratulations! I didn't encounter it personally until very recently and although I too would prefer to think it doesn't happen, I've never disbelieved the fact it does. Everywhere!

Eltonjohnsflorist · 18/01/2015 21:16

They sound awful- childish, pathetic and mean.

I wouldn't hinge too much on the police tbh- it's a good thing to try but unless I've misunderstood your description she basically barged into you which isn't really a police matter

I think you should/ can try confronting her- many bullies back down when confronted. "What exactly is your problem, who the hell do you think you are pushing into me, don't you ever do that again, "etc etc. Tell her she's a bully. Call out her supporters, say aloud in front of all of them that they are afraid of her and that's why they're saying nothing, not because they like her. Grrr. I'd quite like to do it myself.

CockBollocks · 18/01/2015 21:29

My children go to school in a very affluent area (I think this may be what some are alluding to) and tbh I suspect some would assume this would never happen at our school.

However we have a couple of lunatics, one in particular who abuses whichever parent she has currently got issue with. The school are very good actually and keep and eye/make themselves seen to be watching if necessary and have called the police.

So, it's def a good idea to make them aware if nothing else.

Sallystyle · 18/01/2015 22:04

I can definitely see this happening.

A mum up my kids school doesn't like me. She hasn't said anything to me but she gives me some filthy looks.

There was a punch up recently between two of the dads and not long ago a woman was pushed into a bush and hit. A letter was sent home about all the swearing at the school gates and the arguments. We had the police outside for a couple of weeks.

I am sorry this is happening to you op Thanks

Sallystyle · 18/01/2015 22:04

Oh and I am also sorry that you came here for support after being treated so badly then you were accused of being a troll by a few.

jonicomelately · 18/01/2015 22:35

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-21720268
I know it's an extreme example but this happened outside a school!