So upset about something that's happened to me today.

[tallymo]

My son is in year 1 at school. Within weeks of him starting reception year I'd somehow managed to piss off another mum from his class for reasons unbeknown to me. I tried a couple of times to approach her and try to sort things out but was told to "fuck off".

If she doesn't like me then that's fair enough I don't really care, but she will not let things lie, and regularly talks about me loudly at school collection, pulls faces at me, and bad mouths me at any opportunity.

This afternoon I took my DS to a birthday party, and halfway through the party this other mum walked past me, stopped next to me, deliberately sent me flying, pulled a face at some other mums, who all just laughed, and walked off.

I was mortified, had to fight back tears, and took DS home as soon as possible.

The mums that laughed were all mums that I thought I got on well with, but they clearly don't like me much. After it had happened they were all chattering away to her like she was their best friend in the world. None of them asked if I was ok.

I feel so upset. I'm angry at myself for not saying anything but I didn't think it would do any good for me to start arguing at a kids' party.

Any head and if not, board of governors worth their salt, will take this type of behaviour on school grounds or at the school gates very seriously indeed.

There is a mother at our school who was been banned from the school grounds, I am desperate to know why! She is......to use a phrase of my mothers, hard faced. I suspect it may be to do with abuse to the teachers, but as I said above, I am not involved in the playground cliques so I havent been able to find out! Our head is great and can be a great support when you need her, but she doesnt suffer fools at all. The mother has been allowed back on since September, so presumably has promised to behave.

Are you in North Devon by any chance op? Plenty of playground bullies there.

Sounds like the sort of thing my sister would do.

What I've recently learnt about bullies - and this may explain the onlooker's laughing at you - is that they're too scared not to be the bully's 'friend' in case the bully starts on them too.

You need to report her 1) to the school and 2) to the police and then try speaking to one of the other Mum's to get the other side of the story, making sure you do this not in the presence of the bully.

Chinese whispers can ruin a person's reputation. I'm a nice, shy, decent person and this sort of thing has happened to me a lot in life. I have a sign on my head that says Abuse Me. So yes, I believe you, OP.

Where was the party? Might there have been cctv. I would have called the police.

What is so bloody difficult about pressing the 'Report' button rather than posting about how you don't believe it?

Is it some weird desire to make sure everyone knows you guessed it was BS before everyone else? How strange

I grew up in an awful rural village and have encountered many, many adults capable of this behaviour - and unfortunately, their children, who have now grown into carbon copies of their parents.

Bogey indeed, schools do have a duty to protect the wellbeing of staff and pupils. To be honest, I haven't told a single parent at the school about it all. I'm almost embarrassed for these people, their behaviour was that ludicrous.

Ordinary everyday people just do not behave like that.

Quite. Normal, everyday adults don't need to be told by a headteacher that their behaviour is unacceptable - but it happens!

Is it some weird desire to make sure everyone knows you guessed it was BS before everyone else?

Yep. I reckon you have hit the nail on the head there. "Oh I knew it was a troll waaaaay before anyone else, aren't I brilliant?!" Sad really.

Normal, everyday adults don't need to be told by a headteacher that their behaviour is unacceptable - but it happens!

Exactly. These are not normal everyday adults. They have, for reasons that may or not be clear, never emotionally matured to the point where they can function normally in society. They have to be top dog, they have to put others down and they will do whatever they need to do in order to achieve that. Bully is another word for abuser, and thankfully the vast majority of people will never understand how an abusers mind works, which is why we dont get why bullies bully. All we can do is stand up and say "I am not taking this shit!" and use the resources available to us to stop it happening.

Just because its never happened to you doesnt mean it never happens. (That is a general You not a specific You btw)

FFS. Just because you wouldn't act that way it doesn't mean others don't. Some people are vile. Bullies of whatever age get people going along with their voile behaviour because they are scared of being the target.

I was bullied at school. 25 years later some situations can still reduce me to tears because of it - things can take you back to how it felt before when you felt helpless and can make a current situation a lot worse.

And troll hunting is not allowed. Hope you are ok op.

Bully is another word for abuser

Very true. I wonder if the same troll hunters feel it appropriate to heckle the victims of male abusers too...

Op, I hope you are OK.

OP, could you have a coffee with a couple of the other mums and casually bring up this problem? It may be that none of the other mums are aware of any problem, hence the reaction at the party.
I am going to sound like a twat, but if it was a group of mates and one accidently barged into another sending her flying, I might well laugh (depending on the circumstances, of course), so it may just be that no one else realises what she is doing to you.

If it were me, I would wait until she is in a large group, approach and try to chat to her naturally and see what response you get. That would be your opportunity to show her up for the cow she is.

The head of my dc' school banned a mother simply for shouting at me. The poor woman hàs mental health problems but it was much quieter when she had to drop off at the gates.
report to school. .. normal people do not tell ithers to fuck off ans 101 police abiut assault.

Norway, you remind me of someone I know, who when someone complained about bullying, she would say they were stupid and overly sensitive, she claims to this day that there were no bullies in the school, obviously, she has not realised she was the worst of them.

Agree with others. Check school policy too. There is not allowed to be any swearing in the school grounds at our primary and any parent would be banned if they did.

Having said that, you can't really waste police time to report someone who pushed you at the school gates. You need help, but they are up to the ears in work and frankly, I doubt they will pay any attention to you. They simply have more important things to do.

There are bullies who when you "hit" back, they back off, there are others who will get much worse. Considering she can tell you to "fuck off" just by approaching her and that she is a grown up woman, I would say that the best thing you can do is avoiding her and her friends. You don't need them, you don't need to get along well with them.

If it gets to the point that your child is constantly having a bad time due to the influence of this mum. Consider moving, there is no point wasting years of your life and ruin your DS's childhood not to let her have her way.

This is awful OP. Do speak to the HT. We had to deal with some similar incidents and tbh since the parent in question had also been abusive to staff it really really helped that other parts had reported her. She was banned from the premise and all staff were told to report any incidents directly to the police from that point onwards.
Our anti-bullying policy talks about the whole community, so might cover this too. Even if it doesn't, bullies often seek out people who they think won't stand up for themselves - prove her wrong by seeking help.
As for the other mums, I have only one word - spineless! It's makes me livid for you.

It's astonishing how difficult some people find it to accept that someone is a bully. A boy in my daughter's class made her life a misery for years. She wasn't the only victim, and he had a group of friends who copied his behaviour. By sheer chance I overheard his mother talking to a friend of hers after she had been called in to talk to the head. She was saying 'I know X is no angel, but a bully he is not!' Extraordinary.

FFS. I've just reported three people for troll-hunting. What's the matter with you? I've seen people behave like this IRL and been on the receiving end of it. Lucky you if you haven't but it's pretty offensive to suggest tht anyone who has is making it up. Would you do the same with a rape victim? Jeez-oh.

OP - what a horrible cow. Shoving you is assault, and telling the police about it will result in her being told in no uncertain terms how unacceptable her conduct is, even if there isn't evidence for the DPP or procurator to take to court. It sends a clear message that you won't be putting up with any shite. It'll be on record for next time and then you report every incident to them. You also never know who else is reporting her to the police or what for.

For example, I live in a side street. A few doors away there is a house. In this house there lives a twat. Not a whiny, manipulative twat who spies on people and gossips, nor a loud, drunken, violent twat who smashes stuff up and makes lots of noise. This is a self-important entitled bullying twat, and that means trouble.

The twat has a history of low-level bullying and threats. One day, the twat has banged on my door and stood ranting and threatening and waving his fists at me because he thought (wrongly) that he had overheard me slagging him off. I told him to fuck off get off my property, then shut the door in his face in mid-rant, and then reported him to the police. Two days later they went to have a word with him. A few weeks after this, one of his spawn threw something at my car when I drove past. Another visit from the police, this time for said spawn. Guess what? Neither of them come near me any more because they know that if they so much as pull a face at me they explain themselves to the police. And then, I suspect, they explain to his DW exactly WTF the police were doing knocking on the door and asking for them. Job done.

I have seen people like this in real life so I have no idea why certain people think op is a fake?

OP, you have to stand up for yourself. I know what it is like, I am shy and quiet but people seem take that as cold? anyway they think they can treat me how they like. As I have got older, I learnt to stand up for myself and yes I hate confrontation as I am sure you do too, but to stop people thinking your a pushover you need to fight back. Times I have fought back, the other person automatically stopped seeing me as a target or someone they can look down on.

Sorry it has to be like this but that is life, cruel world it is.

I don't think the OP is fake, but I do think that sometimes, without any awareness of it, if you're in a bad place it's possible to project.
Done it myself.

Totally believe you OP. To others who say otherwise, just thank your lucky stars you haven't been on the receiving end of this type of thing - it's shockingly common.

I'm aghast that people behave like this - and on school grounds and at kids birthday parties! Awful behaviour.

Your options seems to be:

• report to the police and the headteacher of the school. She has assaulted you, and is regularly intimidating you on school grounds. Unacceptable.

• move school. But think carefully about this. Which other school would you be moving your child to? How would that affect your life - school run, re-settling your DC etc?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Take care x

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I have spoken at length to DH and decided to report her to the police and will also speak to the school headteacher.

She has done other things in the past to other people. I am not the first person she has picked on. Maybe they will have had reports on her before?

One of the other mums phoned me last night to apologise for laughing, she said it was a nervous reaction but she thought the other woman's behaviour was appalling. Not quite sure why she didn't say something at the time or at least check I was ok?

Anyway, thanks again all.

A mother at my DD's school called another child a bitch in the playground. I reported it because there had been 'previous' between the parents and it was spilling into the classroom. (Ridiculous and I can't believe I'm typing it really!)

This mum was a leading light in the PTA and husband was a governor. Anyway school were a bit schtum on the situation and then that mum was offered a job as MTA!!!!!!!

Pretty disgusting behaviour from the school

Definitely report.
And I'd expect many of the women will contact you and say 'oh sorry, I wasn't sure how to react' all that bullshit, but you should send them packing. They should grow up, they're grown women! Pathetic.

You seem a lot nicer than me OP because I wouldn't have put up with it for so long. This makes me so angry! Send her here, we'll have her