Stag do worries

[RoseberryTopping]

So DP and I have decided to get married this year. His friends are getting excited planning his stag do but have really latched on to the fact I've said absolutely no stippers. They think this is hilarious and are intent on teasing me about it at every opportunity.
I've got a feeling that they're going to book one anyway. Now I've found out that another stag do that DP is going to with the same people will definitely have strippers there just because they can't have any at DPs. It's stressibg me out so much that I just want to call the whole thing off. Im so nervous about DP going to this other stag do now. He totally respects how I feel but I understand that it'll be hard to escape the room when they're going to be in a lodge somewhere a bit rural. That's if he even would try to, obviously I wojldnt know either way.

I don't even know what im hoping to achieve from this thread, I just wanted to talk about it.

I know that the average sort of guy just goes along with stuff on a stag do.

It doesn't alter the fact that a lot of women don't want their partner hanging around naked women, why would she?

Seriously, why would she?

By the way I am very good at lots of "masculine" things, and I don't like much "feminine" stuff. I've managed to be happily married and have two children, so I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

Me too, Captain.

I'm definitely heterosexual and I like beer and playing videogames. But I also like reading threads on Mumsnet and did some crafting with my daugher last weekend.

Captain - did you wear a pinny with flowers on it when you made the jam?

If so, might you be in the closet?

Unclench male fragile egos. I'm very sure you are very masculine and heterosexual

I meant it in relation to arse's point that women would not like to be called masculine.

So i meant women being able to do everything typically associated with men does not make you masculine this is a made up term that is assigned to different traits according to the society you live in and the era.

My point though seems to be being proven right before my eyes. A helluva a lot of the male species do not like to have the masculinity called into question (even though that isn't even what I did) and to be seen as having a feminine trait Is even worse isn't?

Isn't it?

Yep, women preferring masculine sports/ activities are accepted, even praised for doing the 'cool' stuff. Calling a man 'feminine' is the biggest offence ever!

I would honestly just take this as 'lads banter,' - as pathetic as that makes them seem.

Obviosuly the more you make it known you have this rule, the more of an incentive it is for them to wind you up. If you trust your husband to be, then I would just try your very best to ignore it... I felt a similar way when my DP went on a stag do last year and I knew there would be stripper etc and I felt horrible the entire weekend he was away. I feel the same as you with regards to them, but as stag dos are largely conducted by the other guys attending it, in some ways I think it's best to keep your head down and quietly let your DP know your concerns but don't take it too seriosuly.

Hope you are ok...and while you say you're not body confident... the men I know who regularly go to strip clubs say none of the strippers are attractive - it's just their behaviour that makes it fun. (and yes, I believe them bevause these are male friends who are extremely blunt about this kind of thing!). I reckon if you saw the potential stripper who may attend the stag do, you wouldnt be so worried either... it's easy to build things up in your head.

sass - it was a joke...

I don't give a toss whether someone thinks I'm masculine or feminine.

Sorry pomp

I assumed from this post that you did (give a shit)
sass -" I probably am a (proud) nerd though grin. Not sure what a "feminine type" guy is but I don't really give a shit if people want to give me such a daft label."

My mistake.

I haven't been to a strip club, and have no desire to. I imagine it would be like visiting a restaurant where they put the food in front of you, but you're not allowed to eat it. Yet you still get the bill.

i am rather ashamed to admit that i visited loads of strip clubs when i was a very young man in the services. I did so because i was a but stupid, succumbed to peer pressure and i had no insight into the reasons why women may find themselves in such a position. I always found them deeply uncomfortable. As i matured i stopped visiting them.

Fast forward 25 years, middle manager in the public sector (ffs!) it was suggested that i take our fairly regular foreign visitors out for beers ,meal and lap dancing clubs. And then to submit the amount i had spent as a false expenses claim!!!! (i kid you not) I not so politely declined and was never asked again, but this practice continued and to my certain knowledge still does. It probably hampered my career a tiny bit. Don't care.

I have been on stag do's where this has been part of the 'fun'. i and about half of the others opted out of this part of the weekend. In truth i find the whole stag do weekend thing pretty grim.

I did so because i was a but stupid, succumbed to peer pressure and i had no insight into the reasons why women may find themselves in such a position. And if you knew me you would know that high-fiving anyone except a 4 yo hurts me a bit so you really deserved that.

Sass A good number of rugby players are masculine regardless of them being men or women.
My answer was to Viv that MOST women would not like to be described as masculine just as MOST men would not like to be described as feminine.

I rather like to cultivate my (patriarchy-think) "masculine tendencies"

Assertiveness, ambition, refusal to back down when I know I am right, knowing my worth. There should be more of it about.