sex problems - how do we sort this out?

[usernamechangeryetagain]

DP and i had a discussion about this at the weekend, can't really cAll it a row cos I wasn't disputing what he said. But he is clearly upset about it.

We've been together nearly a year. I've had gynae problems which mean I am bleeding fairly constantly. Sometimes it's barely anything, others like a full on period.I've seen my gp several times and basically they won't do anything about it.

When it first started I avoided sex with dp completely. He got concerned by this understand ably,we talked and basically agreed when it was at the lighter times, apologies for tmi, we'd try then.a.d that's how we've gone on.

That means in a typical month I'm probably only able to have sex half the time at best. Which doesn't sound so bad, but the added complication is that we don't live together, and sex at my house is impossible because of dc.

This all blew up because dp said he couldn't remember the last time we had full sex (it was before Xmas, with the Xmas break we've been spending more time at my house) and one time we did try over Xmas when the DC were out, I made a flippant comment during which was silly and put him off, and really upset him.I apologised sincerely at the time but he is still hurt about that.

I don't know what to do. We do spend some time at his, but only once a week at most,and hesaid he hates feeling it I has to be that night, he would rather it was less planned. The only thing I can think of is spending more time there, I'm just worried that might not solve the problem.

So he was telling you nice things after you'd said that thing about the sales and now he's bringing that back up?

Yes. That comment was weeks ago. He says lovely things to me all the time, like I said above generally we are so happy together, but last week's was particularly special. Which has made all this so much harder to take.

The silly comment was weeks ago that is.

Can you say that to him and ask what's changed in the last week? It does sound like something has shifted.

Last weekend there were couple of opportunities for us to have had sex which I didn't capitalise on, I think that may be part of it. But the first of those was a misunderstanding and the second I left it too late time wise. He leaves it to me to make the first move because of the bleeding issue.

Ok, deep breath.

Is this really only about the sex? Is he maybe not sure about the commitment of being involved with teenagers if you ever cohabited?

There could be more to it.

But by the time we are cohabiting in a year or so, eldest teen will hopefully be at uni, younger will follow in a couple more years with luck. So I don't think it is that....it could be I guess. But there's no rush for us to live together as we both have our own comfortable homes. So if that was a concern then we could delay. Generally though he gets on really well with my DC. His DC are much younger than mine I should add.

Guess I'll have to see what happens when we see each other next.

It's hard because right now from him saying the only way our relationship would end was death or if one of us was unfaithful, I now feel like he's on the verge of ending it over this instead. Which I don't want at all. But if he's already made his mind up (I hope he hasn't but I have to be prepared for that possibility) then I don't know what I can do.

Frequency of sex is something that goes up and down throughout a long term relationship. Right now there's a lot of stuff getting in the way, but in a few months the injection will be wearing off and that's the biggest obstacle - there clearly is an end to this, and yet he's acting like there isn't. All sorts of things can slow sex down for a matter of months, or even bring it a complete halt for a while. Health issues. Stress. Difficulty spending time together. If a couple is in it for the long haul, they grit their teeth and get through the tricky bits.

And he feels weird having sex after so long - when it was before Xmas? Some couples have to rekindle their sexual relationship after a year or more! It's been, what, a month for you guys? If that's such an issue for him then I honestly question how he's going to cope with future bumps in the road.

Also, two adults living apart and having jobs are probably not going to have heaps of totally spontaneous sex, with or without kids in the mix as well. That's life! And he's not happy with anything other than PIV, and he is still stewing over one clumsy remark that you made weeks ago and sincerely apologised for... He's talking a lot about what he wants, and not showing much of the flexibility that a long term relationship demands. Yes, sex should be good, yes, it should be something you both want, but it just sounds like anything less than perfection isn't worth the bother for him. Since you're both human, it doesn't really work like that.

Lots of tips here OP www.sofeminine.co.uk/sex-sexuality/men-and-sex-th1102-3.html