sex problems - how do we sort this out?

[usernamechangeryetagain]

DP and i had a discussion about this at the weekend, can't really cAll it a row cos I wasn't disputing what he said. But he is clearly upset about it.

We've been together nearly a year. I've had gynae problems which mean I am bleeding fairly constantly. Sometimes it's barely anything, others like a full on period.I've seen my gp several times and basically they won't do anything about it.

When it first started I avoided sex with dp completely. He got concerned by this understand ably,we talked and basically agreed when it was at the lighter times, apologies for tmi, we'd try then.a.d that's how we've gone on.

That means in a typical month I'm probably only able to have sex half the time at best. Which doesn't sound so bad, but the added complication is that we don't live together, and sex at my house is impossible because of dc.

This all blew up because dp said he couldn't remember the last time we had full sex (it was before Xmas, with the Xmas break we've been spending more time at my house) and one time we did try over Xmas when the DC were out, I made a flippant comment during which was silly and put him off, and really upset him.I apologised sincerely at the time but he is still hurt about that.

I don't know what to do. We do spend some time at his, but only once a week at most,and hesaid he hates feeling it I has to be that night, he would rather it was less planned. The only thing I can think of is spending more time there, I'm just worried that might not solve the problem.

He is lovely. I may not be making him sound like it but he is. I think its just months of frustration.

I can't get the coil easily. My gp says I have to have a swab when I'm not bleeding, but of course I.Always am. Plus there's no one to fit it at my gp so I'd have to.go.miles away. Or wait til I can change surgery.

No fpc in my area unfortunately, or not for my age group.

We did the map after condom split the last time, I'd rather not have to do it again. But I can't go on bleeding like this either.

Ok, so you may have to stop your current method, wait for the bleeding to stop then have the swab. Surely that would be better?

What about a diaphragm as well?

OP your OH is getting a tough time on here, I know what you mean by the flippant remark I've done it and ruined the moment.

Your contraception doesn't suit you, go to a family planning clinic for specialist advice, there will be a method that suits you. You deserve better.

Fair enough about the MAP, but condoms shouldn't split. Would you consider charting and using condoms? You could always avoid sex in most fertile times then.

They fit the coil when you are bleeding as it's easier. Is your nearest family planning clinic (or whatever they're called now?!) far away? I got mine fitted at one as they were used to doing it regularly I guessed they'd be the experts. Make some phone calls today and book an appointment at one just to talk through the options. It would be worth the trip and any future follow ups of checking the strings can be done at your GP.

If the contraception is defeating the very purpose for which you take it then it is of no use to you.

Sounds like you need to see a doctor.

There is no fpc in our area at all.

My gp won't do swabs while I'm bleeding.I have to have stopped.My next injection is due in mid Feb, so it will be at least until then before it stops, and with the way things are I'm worried that will be too.late.

I do also think your DP is a bit unrealistic. If you stay with him once a week and you both aren't prepared to have sex at yours, then of course it's hard to be spontaneous that time and that would be regardless of the blood.

Do it in the morning before the teens get up? Host a sleepover one weekend and then send them on a sleepover another weekend?

By the way, have your iron levels been tested?

I'd be pissed of with my DP if he behaved like this over it all tbh. Which in turn wouldn't make me feel sexy.

If he is a really nice guy he would be supportive and help you figure this out.

Equally, I wouldn't keep on taking a contraceptive that made me bleed constantly.

In your shoes, I would stop the pill and give your body a chance to normalise and your relationship a chance to normalise, even if it means using condoms, map, spermicide, a cap whatever.

Then as a couple seek the best form of contraception. Good luck.

If it's a physical problem and you have a plan to sort it out, DP would not be being nice to break up with you over it in the next month.

What if you come off the injection in Feb and then get swabbed, that would be a start? In the meantime you could use condoms, maybe practice with them a bit now, different brands, when you have a second line of defence if they do split?

You're on the injection? That's very odd then as I was on it for ages and didn't bleed at all and have read the same on here. I think your GP practice is being complacent and unhelpful. Sure, it 'might be the same' with other contraception but why not try and find out? I would go back and be firm, say you've been suffering with this for a year, no one seems interested and you want some suggestions or a referral to a clinic that can help you. I would also try the serious talk with your partner and say how sad and anxious all this is making you, and that his attitude of only being bothered about sex, not your health, is not helping.

I'd second the Mirena coil suggestion.

I have suggested a sleepover when we spoke at the weekend. I think.dp was still.concerned it felt a bit pre planned. But I will try it.

Mornings are not really a goer as dp has to be out by 630 when he stays at mine, so there isn't really time.

We discussed the whole contraception thing a few months back and he was really supportive then. But I think we both hoped it'd improve by now.

A condom wouldn't necessarily split again but you are almost certainly going to continue bleeding. Does your DP not want to use condoms? Is he trying to solve the problem?

Are copper coils an option? No hormones in those.

As things stand, my plan is not to have another injection and hope I stop bleeding quickly after that. The last gp I saw said it might take months to stop which is a worry.

Dp suggested that I stop before the last injection and go back to condoms. I was persuaded by my gp to give the injection another try. Wish I hadn't!

Again, this is coming back to his unrealistic expectations.

I sympathise a bit, after having kids it took me a while to adjust to the fact that sex needed a bit more planning. But you have teens and thin walls - until they grow up and leave home, that's always gojng to be a factor.

X post - I meant expectations about spontaneity!

Ok, the bleeding might take months to stop. But it might not.

There is something they can give to "dry up" a constant period - I don't know if it would work for you and I can understand they might not want to give it often - but it might be worth enquiring if you could have that as a one off if bleeding went on for more than, say, a fortnight after the injection stopped.

Nb I am not a doctor, it's just something to look into.

I think the key thing here is to share with your partner your concerns and what you've been told re possible stopping after the next injection (although I personally wouldn't take that risk).

You could change contraception. Yes family planning clinic may be out of the area but it'd be worth it.

In the meantime there's the option of a fully waterproof mattress protector.

Oh and you partner needs to get real, it may not be ideal to feel sex need planing, but that's the situation and if he's that bothered he'd better get used to it!

I would be concerned about your blood cell counts. I had a similar experience to you and went to give blood, they tested me and said I needed to be given it! I echo others in that your GP is not taking you seriously.

When the GP talked you into trying the injection again, what was the rationale?

Yonic, I had the injection for 2 years and my GP would tell me to give it another go and the bleeding should stop - it never did.

Op, two trips to the FPC, one for assessment and second for the fitting. Totally worth the trip.