Inappropriate content shown to a child. Help me deal with it.

[ThisHasToStop]

So, this evening my husband decides to show my 7y old daughter a new clip from Sia (elastic heart).

I am fuming. He's been known to do this before. Last time was on Christmas day, Avatar, in my absence (I was driving to bring family to ours). I previously said that I can reluctantly agree to the 10y old watching this with an adult (so my husband), but said clearly this is not OK for 7y old DD. Most upsetting similar example was Grave of the Fireflies, which he was showing to DD when she was 6. I stopped it after 15mins but even so she still had nightmares associated with the grim content.

But Sia for me takes this to a whole new level. Previous clip (Chandelier) was unsettling enough, and already had sexual subtext. But this one is just paedophilia.

DD didn't seem interested in the clip, so confronting there and then in front of the kids didn't seem like a good idea to me. Then I had to leave, and when came back, husband was already asleep. So the difficult conversation will happen tomorrow. Not a bad thing, gives me time to prepare.

For context, relationship is in a bad state anyway. But at this point I'm asking for help with framing the difficult discussion.

Also considering educating DD on what's appropriate. Even if she is not strong enough to confront daddy, then at least she'll have some nagging voice in her head about what's right. She already knows about movie ratings.

Sigh.

I don't think the real issue is whether the video is art (which as a 69 year old I thought it was and what the hell is wrong with Avatar?) but your assumption that you alone should decide what your DCs do or do not watch. Where does that leave your DH?

If he is their father he has every right to make decisions for them which may differ from yours and maybe your relationship would improve if you took that on board a bit.

Let's be honest if she was dancing with a woman no-one would bat an eyelid. But no it's a man and people her hysterical. This sort of dancing is supposed to be intense, the feelings it's potraying are intense: not sexual.

I watched the video and thought it was quite beautiful and not even the remotest hint of sexuality. I say this as someone who can't stand the sexuality that is so blatantly shoved in our faces on most TV shows / music vids these days.

GraysAnalogy I think it is because one of the dancers is a child that some people have concerns.

Yes I know that, but why does a child dancing with a male adult automatically have to be perverted She's a dancer, a very good one. She was hand picked by Sia. As people have already said the interpretive dancing is about a daughter and her fathers relationship. People are projecting sexuality onto it when that isn't the case.

But, art is supposed to provoke discussion, however it is completely wrong to cry paedophelia.

GraysAnalogy I thought you were pointing out that the problem that was being identified (by some hysterical people) with the video was the presence of a man. is that right?

And I was saying I think it is the presence of a child.

The fact some posters have said they feel it is 'sexual', and others have said they think it is not is something that has been debated a lot and I did not want to add to that debate.

But the fact that there is an adult male and pre teen female are facts and I feel it is the fact of the child's presence and not the man's presence that is the 'problem' for some people. Actually speaking on behalf of myself

thankyou for clarifying Italian, I'm sorry I missed what you meant. But do you personally think the response would have been the same if it were a woman? Because I do.

And why is it an issue that there's a young girl dancing in the video? Is this taboo now or...?

Oopse sorry 'hysterical' should be in speak marks.

I think it is the presence of a child in the video dancing with an adult that is a 'problem' for some people. I am not sure if the reaction would be the same if it were a child dancing with an adult woman but I feel fairly sure the reaction would not be the same if it was an adult woman dancing with an adult man. Therefore the factor which (in my mind) is an 'issue' is the child.

In my mind there is nothing taboo about a child dancing appropriately. This feels inappropriate to me. I can watch it with all the messages in my head from so many posters who think it is so beautiful and artistic and not sexual but in principle for me it is not appropriate.

I'm off to bed now GraysAnalogy will try to remember to look tomorrow.

I understand what you mean. I'm just completely against the idea that this is sexual and somewhat abusive (not what you've said by the way, just others on here and other websites)

In my eyes, and please bear in mind I understand how you feel, this sort of dancing is supposed to be intense, it's brilliant to actually see it in music videos rather than all the same old we see today. It isn't supposed to be fun, light and bouncy. It's gritty and emotive. It's portraying what it's supposed to really well.

I note too, that there hasn't been any uproar from the first video of Sia's that the girl was in, in the same clothing and doing similar dancing.

Sleep well Italian

The video has a completely different feel with the music gone and funny sound effects on it instead

Thanks GraysAnalogy for coming back and wishing me a good night's sleep. Too much staying up watching the Good Wife and reading mumsnet!

I am afraid I do just find the video all very creepy.

You said I note too, that there hasn't been any uproar from the first video of Sia's that the girl was in, in the same clothing and doing similar dancing.

I haven't watched the whole thing, just clips. It seems very different, it is a girl dancing alone. I would guess this is why there has not been the uproar but I have not seen it all so if an adult appears in the video, then obviously I have got that wrong (it's also not filmed in a cage).

Anyway, there you go. Not turning me into a massive Sia fan, but then I doubt she is worried about that!

Oh I love Sia I think she's fab. I like the way she's different, doesn't want the celebrity status because she was supposed to be retiring, so chose the blonde bob as sort of her symbol.

I don't really watch music videos though, Spotify all the way for me!