Inappropriate content shown to a child. Help me deal with it.

[ThisHasToStop]

So, this evening my husband decides to show my 7y old daughter a new clip from Sia (elastic heart).

I am fuming. He's been known to do this before. Last time was on Christmas day, Avatar, in my absence (I was driving to bring family to ours). I previously said that I can reluctantly agree to the 10y old watching this with an adult (so my husband), but said clearly this is not OK for 7y old DD. Most upsetting similar example was Grave of the Fireflies, which he was showing to DD when she was 6. I stopped it after 15mins but even so she still had nightmares associated with the grim content.

But Sia for me takes this to a whole new level. Previous clip (Chandelier) was unsettling enough, and already had sexual subtext. But this one is just paedophilia.

DD didn't seem interested in the clip, so confronting there and then in front of the kids didn't seem like a good idea to me. Then I had to leave, and when came back, husband was already asleep. So the difficult conversation will happen tomorrow. Not a bad thing, gives me time to prepare.

For context, relationship is in a bad state anyway. But at this point I'm asking for help with framing the difficult discussion.

Also considering educating DD on what's appropriate. Even if she is not strong enough to confront daddy, then at least she'll have some nagging voice in her head about what's right. She already knows about movie ratings.

Sigh.

After skim reading I just read the rest.

I am glad I am not alone.

I think it is sad that anyone could view this as anything sinister.

What difficult discussion do you actually need help with? I don't see why a discussion needs to happen at all.

I said I was done posting because it was all getting a bit bun-fighty but I wanted to just say I watched the whole thing tonight (only saw bits of it yesterday). With all your comments of 'it's not sexual' and 'he's her dad' or whatever in my head it doesn't look so bad but I do think that is with all your comments about it is only innocent etc. From first viewing for me it is very disturbing. Very angry if you do not have all the messages about 'innocent' etc in your head to me it's sort of portraying her like a temptress.

But I did want to come back and say I had taken all your comments on board and looked again because I didn't personally just want to react to the initial image without giving it a fair viewing.

I still feel the OP has got every right to talk to her dh about issues and of course this music video was only one item she was concerned about, but I am glad I did watch it because it was doing my head in a bit with so many people being so sure it was very innocent.

Maybe I am a bit overly concerned about stuff on line, no reflection on the OP, it's her thread, I just wanted to say. And to explain myself in case people wonder why some of us may react quite strongly to stuff, it is because a lot of children are growing up very fast in our society and becoming sexualised very early and I feared this way one such example. I am not not sure, and think I may have overreacted a bit.

There you are, mumsnet helps to change a mind!

But I shall not Google the other music video mentioned, my brain may explode!

All best wishes.

overreacting a bit!

Yes not half.

I suspect those who are all "this is the work of the paedo Devil" are probably people who did not grow up in stable happy 2 parent families.

Only someone with serious issues would think that video was something not to be shown to children or "normalised" inappropriate adult/child nudity.

Thanks for the psycho analysis SelfLoathing but I grew up in a happy two-parent home. It doesn't really help people to explore issues and discuss things rationally to start name calling.

Ig - "if you do not have all the messages about 'innocent' etc in your head, to me it's sort of portraying her like a temptress."

(my bolding)

I saw her more as a leopard or similar, than a temptress (and that's not meant to be derogatory, just that to me she portrays speed, agility, a level of controlled "hostility",with the ability to "take care of herself" - ie powerful, not tempting, and certainly not submissive or controlled).

My last twopenneth!

Thanks Networkguy to me it is very interesting that we are all interpreting things differently and when we are not accusing each other of being horrible people, I apologise if I did that to anyone up thread, you can see other people's points of view.

I think that is what Mumsnet does really well, it helps people to put across views and see how others see them.

I must admit I would still say I can't see why the singer needed to use a child actor in the video and without everyone's comments I would have read this very differently, and it is not because I am mixed up (IMHO)! But we do live in a world where children are portrayed very differently and adult women sometimes portray themselves as children - so the lines become blurred, - it can all get very mixed up which for me is not good! So I won't stop being concerned just because no one else is but I truly do see where others are coming from. And even the song got a bit nicer after the first rather 'angry' beginning! I don't think I will be rushing to a Sia concert any time soon but I might be more interested in dance if someone could explain it all to me! I think I will stick with the Nutcracker Suite!

I am honestly the first to say if I think something is inappropriate and I more strict than anyone I know about what my DC watch.

DS is seven and is not allowed to watch Avatar, but he would be allowed to watch the Sia video. I honestly don't see it as sexual in the slightest.

am more strict.

I think the fact that it sparks debate around its meaning and the artist's intention is what makes it art.

I don't see anything except a difficult daughter-father relationship which maybe comes good at the end but it's too late. I'm not convinced by the music but I like the video.

I watched it twice, carefully, once trying to see them as parent and child, then watching it and seeing if there was anything that could be deemed sexual. And, sorry, I think there were parts where the 'sexual' element came forward very clearly.

I know it is fashionable on here to sneer at 'paedo hysteria', but in my view the choreography has a sexual element.

I thought this was going to be about watching Resident Evil or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre or similar. Instead...

We recorded Avatar last time it was on specifically for our 5 year-old DD. I can't see anything wrong with it. Mind you, she's not a 'sensitive soul' and happily watches Dr Who and Harry Potter without having to hide behind the sofa like I did, so perhaps I just see things differently.

I think it is an odd video to show a 7 year old - in my person opinion. I wouldn't show it.

However, maybe he just liked the song and put it on to get the kids to sit and calm down etc? Is it possible he has no idea that the content is potentially not apporpriate?

I would also query whether a 7 year old would understand the subtext of the video..the actors are essentially romaing around a cage in an articstic way - I'm not sure I would have thought anything of it as a child?

Either way, if you dont like it then your husband should appreciate that and be more careful in future. I'm not sure he has done anything wrong, though, unless you honestly think he would ocnsider it inappropriate and then went ahead and showed your DD anyway.

Is it possible you only think this video is inappropriate due to the recent press coverage?

Oh god, maybe I shouldn't have show my daughters the Shake It Off video in case they think the bit where Taylor Swift does the splits is MASSIVE GAPEY VAGINA PORN and the title means WANKING.

I'm such a bad parent.

Shown, even. So I'm not just a paedo-sex-enabling Swiftyperv, I'm a paedo-sex-enabling Swiftyperv who can't type properly.

THE WORST KIND.

Your daughters thoughts were most likely.

A big cage
Man dancing
Girl dancing.

Oh, where is my doll/drink/sandwich/socks

Total over reaction. Your daughter will see & hear MUCH worse in the coming years.

That video is not suitable for a seven year old. It is unsettling and disturbing to me at 70! A childcaged with a man crawling, stalking her: her snarling and leaping on him. Most children would have nightmares at this. It may show talented dancing but it's a long way from Frozen!

Fwiw I grew up in a stable two parent family :)

My 17 month old loves this video, and Chandelier too. He loves the movement, the dancing and the music. I agree with him. They're beautiful videos.

I think it's utterly absurd to claim it's inappropriate for a child because it has sexual undertones.

^^ #HighgateMums

Something seems really unsettling about this, but at the same time it's really beautiful.

It would have been a lot better fi they'd been wearing darker clothing, somehow. The dancing is too stylized for near nudity ... and I'm absolutely cool with German saunas that have both 45 year olds, 18 year olds and 5 year olds of both genders in the same area. It's how you do it.

Hi. I'm new here so perhaps could stand to be a bit more polite in my first post but JESUS CHRIST there's a lot of nonsense in here.

@FloraFox: for someone who claims to not be keen on a bun fight, you seem awfully happy to:

A) throw around stupid insults like "Highgate Mum" to someone who professed an enjoyment for the video on artistic terms, whilst also
B) chucking about the stupid idea that people genuinely pretend to like something as they're "trying to prove how cool they are with this because it's a shitty pop video art" because clearly you seem to think you're talking to a group of teenagers rather than adults who might actually choose to formulate opinions on pop culture based on, oh, I don't know, actual feelings towards something based on rational thought and critical thinking rather than jumping to ludicrous conclusions that say more about the viewer than the piece itself.

As to the original post, I don't think you've got anything to worry about. It's a beautiful video. Grave of the Fireflies is a beautiful film. Are they an easy watch? Perhaps not. But that doesn't make them off limits for a seven year old. They're both about something important. The video for Elastic Heart speaks to being a parent, for me, and it hit me pretty hard when I saw it.

Grave of the Fireflies is profoundly anti war. I wouldn't watch the latter without wanting to talk to my kids about what they saw in it, but aside from the deeper meaning I (and most rational-thinking of people) would likely take from the Sia video, it really can be taken as just a video with two people dancing with a lot of movement and sound and gesture.

Avatar, on the other hand, is a piece of shit and no one should have to endure it. A waste of the better part of three hours.

Plus, the fact that those soldiers are able to basically slip inside the bodies of other creatures? Clearly that's dodgy and dangerous for our children and normalizing something awful blah blah blah.

Stick around a bit longer and you might see an actual bunfight.

We watched Grave of the Fireflies recently. It is a very beautiful and very sad anime (from Studio Ghibli). My 15 and 14 year old (and dh and me) were in tears by the end, I'd not show it to a 7 year old. However there are some lovely parts that a child would very much enjoy. I can also quite easily see that someone might assume it was OK for a 7 year old because virtually all the other Studio Ghibli films are very child friendly.

the pop video I don't see any huge issue with, and given that the daughter wasn't even interested it seems a complete non issue to me.

Avatar is just a bit rubbish, I don't see any huge inappropriateness concerns there.

I think the video was beautiful. Can't comment on the song as I watched it on mute (in hospital). But then I think Maddie Zieglar is an incredibly talented girl.
The bit at the end where she was trying to 'free' him. :(

I disagree however that the ops partner can show their child whatever he likes as he's an equal parent. My ex dp let our dc watch Ted when ds2 was 7. I don't care if he can't see the problem with that. I was furious!

I think the video and your relationship issues are two different topics and by conflating them you're likely to get very mixed up.