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Original poster

Inappropriate content shown to a child. Help me deal with it.

167 replies

ThisHasToStop · 12/01/2015 00:43

So, this evening my husband decides to show my 7y old daughter a new clip from Sia (elastic heart).

I am fuming. He's been known to do this before. Last time was on Christmas day, Avatar, in my absence (I was driving to bring family to ours). I previously said that I can reluctantly agree to the 10y old watching this with an adult (so my husband), but said clearly this is not OK for 7y old DD. Most upsetting similar example was Grave of the Fireflies, which he was showing to DD when she was 6. I stopped it after 15mins but even so she still had nightmares associated with the grim content.

But Sia for me takes this to a whole new level. Previous clip (Chandelier) was unsettling enough, and already had sexual subtext. But this one is just paedophilia.

DD didn't seem interested in the clip, so confronting there and then in front of the kids didn't seem like a good idea to me. Then I had to leave, and when came back, husband was already asleep. So the difficult conversation will happen tomorrow. Not a bad thing, gives me time to prepare.

For context, relationship is in a bad state anyway. But at this point I'm asking for help with framing the difficult discussion.

Also considering educating DD on what's appropriate. Even if she is not strong enough to confront daddy, then at least she'll have some nagging voice in her head about what's right. She already knows about movie ratings.

Sigh.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 12/01/2015 17:20

The not so subtle messages of mass media may well drown out parents voices. Did you spend a lot of time listening to your parents views, I didn't!

Before I was a teenager? Yes, I did. If you don't manage to have good conversations with your children, then I would suggest that the problem does not lie exactly with the insidious media.

And for godsake. The video is not showing a man and a child in an everyday context. It's a highly stylised video, with music in the background. What will it drive young children to do? Prance around in their underwear and knock their parents around the head?

What is "the harmful message" exactly?

DistanceCall · 12/01/2015 17:23

No, it doesn't mean anything to children, either as fantasy or as reality. That's the point. And no, they won't think that it's normal to get naked with a grownup just by watching it. Because they realise that it's a weird video, not real. Even my four-year-old nephew knows perfectly well that hobbits don't exist and there is no evil empire wanting to kill the jedis - even if, as you say, children don't think in the same way as adults (i.e. they don't see sex). They're children, not idiots.

Apparently watching an adult man interact with a child physically in ANY way is scandalous these days. How sad.

FloraFox · 12/01/2015 17:35

shasha I think that's already been covered in this thread. I agree with Italian that this is getting too bun-fighty. If you read the Guardian piece linked above you can see that Sia herself (whoever she is) anticipated there might be some views about this being paedophilia and she also apologised to people who may have been triggered with memories of sexual abuse.

I'm not interested in a bun-fight on this, particularly not when the OP was looking for support and has been widely derided on this thread, called neurotic etc.

DistanceCall · 12/01/2015 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 18:28

I'm not interested in a bun-fight on this, particularly not when the OP was looking for support and has been widely derided on this thread, called neurotic etc

Why the hell would anyone think its acceptable to lay down the law to another equal parent over something that is not a crime and is not a child protection issue. The father of her child is perfectly entitled to make his own decision as to what is acceptable to show the child. Seeking support she may be but it does not mean she should get it.

mummymummypony · 12/01/2015 18:42

Am I the only person who watched it and thought it was a touching portrayal of the relationship between a father and his daughter?

FloraFox · 12/01/2015 18:45

Well I'm astonished that anyone would think it's perfectly okay for kids to have to endure the sight of Shia Laboeuf writhing around in his underwear with a child in her underwear. The part where he lies beside her and touches her mouth is particularly gross. All the insults are coming from those trying to prove how cool they are with this because it's a shitty pop video art.

mummymummypony · 12/01/2015 18:50

But they weren't writhing around together, they barely actually touched. Writhing around together is a very different thing. I'm actually shocked that so many people saw the video as having sexual content.

merlincat · 12/01/2015 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 18:59

Assuming that by writhing you mean dancing and by underwater you mean normal dance attire

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 19:00

Underwear not under water obviously

Azquilith · 12/01/2015 19:03

I rather like the Sia one. I think it's choreographed beautifully and Shia is looking rather buff which helps.
Not quite sure why Avatar isn't suitable for a child either. It's certainly not suitable for grown ups so they must have made it for someone.

FloraFox · 12/01/2015 19:13

It's not overt sexual content necessarily (although the dance could just as easily represent how Humbert Humbert felt tormented by Lolita) but it is still creepy for a grown man to dance with a child in these clothes doing this dance. I can't understand why a father would want to show this clip to his 7 yo DD.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 19:15

No, you think there is something odd about the clothes and you think it's creepy.

I think grey horses are creepy that does not mean they are

Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2015 19:16

It seems clear there are lots of different views on this video and I am going to bow out now as it is somewhat doing my head in! Grin

For what it is worth I am actually slightly pleased to hear so many people feel this is so innocent to them because it means maybe that they are not reading into it any unpleasant thoughts. Very nice for them.

We are all different and we all want to project our views here. The world is a rather grim and gritty place to me sometimes, not because of personal experiences but because I know for so many people sex and relationships are exploitative. I see this video as one such example, not a nice normal family dialogue in dance but an older man dancing around with a young pre-teen girl. The world has a lot going on it. I am genuinely pleased so many people don't see anything wrong it, and I genuinely don't agree.

All the best Wink

OP I hope you and your husband managed to work out a few things, when you have your chat and that all will be well.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 19:26

Perhaps the 7yo has seen some of the more mainstream music videos and dad wanted her to see and gain an interest in proper dance as opposed to miley Cyrus, perhaps the father liked the video and thought his daughter would as well. I can think of many perfectly acceptable reasons for showing that music video to anybody adult or child, I can not think of many inappropriate reasons to do so because it is not a inappropriate video there is no reason why it should not be shown to anybody

Riseoftheflarelovers · 12/01/2015 19:26

OP you need some help. Seriously.

Video is not remotely sexual. The fact that it is 'triggering' for some people is not a reason to say it is peadophilia. Lots of normal innocuous things are triggering for lots of people.

As an aside, you are basically accusing your husband of showing your DD sexual content between adults and children. Think very carefully about what that says to both your DH and DD.

guitarosauras · 12/01/2015 19:28

I feel sorry for your husband and children!

FloraFox · 12/01/2015 19:32

OP if you are still here, please ignore these people who seem able to diagnose mental health issues on the internet and assure you your DH has only the most innocent intentions. You are entitled to have a say about the content your DD is exposed to and many people on here seem to think that your DH gets to do whatever he wants in the name of equal parenting. However if he is going to charge ahead and decide to show her anything that takes her fancy, that's not equal parenting, is it? Your views are being dismissed, you are not being treated as an equal parent.

Leonas · 12/01/2015 19:35

Your daughter will only be upset by this video if you are. It is simply a man and a girl dancing, albeit angrily at times. There is no suggestion of paedophilia at all, that is how you interpret it. Sia said that she knew people would jump to that conclusion, not that she knew it was inappropriate. Of course you need to protect your child from images that could be upsetting and teach her about appropriate relationships but implying that any contact between a grown man and a young girl is always sexual is over the top. I honestly don't understand why people are so upset about this video (I am a mother of a dd and a teacher of children the age of the girl in the video and I really don't see the issue with it?)

YellowTulips · 12/01/2015 19:45

Reading this thread is like watching Brass Eye with paedophiles in every draw....

DistanceCall · 12/01/2015 19:48

Paedogeddon!

BMO · 12/01/2015 19:58

The video is a bit weird and arty for my tastes, but I don't think it suggests paedophilia or a sexual relationship between the man and girl.

I think while it might be a little uncomfortable for adults to watch, it also isn't "inappropriate" for a 7 year old.

Avatar I agree is probably fine for a 10 year old but I probably wouldn't let a 7 year old watch.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 21:21

OP if you are still here, please ignore these people who seem able to diagnose mental health issues on the internet and assure you your DH has only the most innocent intentions. You are entitled to have a say about the content your DD is exposed to and many people on here seem to think that your DH gets to do whatever he wants in the name of equal parenting. However if he is going to charge ahead and decide to show her anything that takes her fancy, that's not equal parenting, is it? Your views are being dismissed, you are not being treated as an equal parent

She is entitled to have her views listened to she is not entitled to dictate.

He is entitled to decide her views are ridiculous and ignore them. He is also entitled to divorce someone who is accusing him of watching and showing his child a film containing paedophilia and in all likelihood that would make a very good example of unreasonable behaviour and show a good example of attempts to alienate him as a parent.

Sallystyle · 12/01/2015 22:15

Haven't RTFT either just yet.

Know the video, I think the people who see something sexual in that are strange.

Sorry, but you are being silly.