Inappropriate content shown to a child. Help me deal with it.

[ThisHasToStop]

So, this evening my husband decides to show my 7y old daughter a new clip from Sia (elastic heart).

I am fuming. He's been known to do this before. Last time was on Christmas day, Avatar, in my absence (I was driving to bring family to ours). I previously said that I can reluctantly agree to the 10y old watching this with an adult (so my husband), but said clearly this is not OK for 7y old DD. Most upsetting similar example was Grave of the Fireflies, which he was showing to DD when she was 6. I stopped it after 15mins but even so she still had nightmares associated with the grim content.

But Sia for me takes this to a whole new level. Previous clip (Chandelier) was unsettling enough, and already had sexual subtext. But this one is just paedophilia.

DD didn't seem interested in the clip, so confronting there and then in front of the kids didn't seem like a good idea to me. Then I had to leave, and when came back, husband was already asleep. So the difficult conversation will happen tomorrow. Not a bad thing, gives me time to prepare.

For context, relationship is in a bad state anyway. But at this point I'm asking for help with framing the difficult discussion.

Also considering educating DD on what's appropriate. Even if she is not strong enough to confront daddy, then at least she'll have some nagging voice in her head about what's right. She already knows about movie ratings.

Sigh.

I agree with the others, as for the nightmares, my daughter had them when Dr Who first returned to our screens so I stopped it for a season.

Also it funny how I listen to music from my childhood with a different ear as I hear things or see things in the videos I simply didn't see at the time. Take Heaven 17's 'Come Live With Me'. I've always loved that and it wasn't unt a few years against I heard anything but the tune and realised what it was about. Same with Thompson Twins 'Don't you Want Me' being about a very abusive relationship.

As children we don't pick up subtext, let alone the bleeding obvious!

While I think that you are missing the point of the video pretty profoundly, I think that if your husband knows you are made uncomfortable by your children watching it, he should respect that. It shouldn't matter why.

My 4 and 6 year old love the chandelier video but I wouldn't show them Elastic Heart because I think the vibe is too angry and unhappy.

I think you're freaking out over nothing OP, it's also up to your husband to determine what is appropiate and there's nothing wrong with his choices.

If you want to see something higly innappropiate for children, like BigRedBall has said, watch a Nicki Minaj video. I needed eye bleach after her Anaconda video.

I think the crux of this issue is not the video which is art not paedophilia BTW but your massive lack of trust in your DH.
He is DD's parent too, and has some say in what is appropriate or not. You say that there will be a difficult conversation today. It shouldn't be a difficult conversation.

I've been watching old Grey's Anatomy over the past few weeks and recently watched the episode where Derek asked ask Bailey how to give advice and she told him to give an analogy and people will see in it what they are already thinking.

This video acts as a physical analogy, it plays out an interaction in which we can interpret in different ways, it can mirror our own thoughts, worries and experiences.

I'm not sure how it would be interpreted by a child who presumably doesn't have the baggage we adults have but I don't think it would cause harm.

I watched the video before reading any comments, other than the OP, to see what I thought. To me it screamed out that it was a father/child struggle. I did not see anything sexual about it at all. Intense love, yes, but in the context of love for a child. I suppose we all see different things, I thought it was very moving.

Maddies wig is supposed to make her resemble Sia its not a stripper wig

I found it uncomfortable to watch but I think that was more due to the fact that it is so emotionally raw. There were only a couple of bits that I thought strayed too close to the line of what is acceptable to portray with a child and adult.

I don't think I would want my hypothetical 7 year old watching it as they would not have the emotional intelligence to understand the meaning behind it and just find it unsettling.

I do feel the video could have been just as striking if they had more clothing on, it just came across as a little unnecessary, but I'm no expert. I think sia May have avoided such criticism if the male especially had been wearing more clothing.

I've just watched the video, not read the comments on here yet though.

I have to say I don't see any sexual undertones in it whatsoever, and I'd be more than happy for my 7 and 3 year old to watch it.

I muted the song cos to be fair that was shit but watching the dance I thought it seemed like father/daughter and represented the struggles they had with each other-which I would happily explain to my children who would understand obviously at differing degrees. I thought it quite an emotional but lovely piece to watch.

Full marks to the record company's marketing team for generating so much interest in their product.

Agree with domino. Never heard of Sia, no intention of watching the video.

Or rather that should read "I've never heard of Sia until reading this thread"

Just watched the video & see nothing sexual about it, quite tame really as far as music vids go.

What do they gain from you watching it, though, MixenLane?

Only some silly number of views, but no hope of a sale (and given the record industry shrieks about piracy, I'd have thought releasing videos and audio like this is the way for them to most dent any sales {when the music and singing isn't catchy enough to want to ever listen to again!}

What do you gain from watching it? At least a chance to have an opinion on whether the OP has a point, or not, and to put context on other comments made in the thread.

I watched the video before reading most comments and as the parent of a 10 year old I don't see anything sexual in it at all. N fact I thnk it's amazing!!
Th dancing and acting is really good nd then when I read it's about the singer helping her father with his mental health issues I can really see how the video represents that. I Also have no issue with Avatar, my DD watched it age 9.
However, OP does have an issue with her child being shown this, maybe there is a backstory we don't know about but she does have a right to decide what is appropriate for her child to see so needs to discuss that with her DD.
I think my DD would love the dancing in that video and will be showing her it later.

Ziegler wore the same wig in the "Chandelier" video...I thought it was to make her look more like Sia, not a stripper!

I don't see anything sexual in it so I doubt a seven year old would. It's just a form of dance. The clothing is nude so as not to take focus from the movements.
Much better than Rihanna or Beyoncé videos.

It's important, I think, to differentiate between someone admitting that they can see that people might find dubious elements in something - which you said Sia admitted, and actual paedophilia. If this video showed paedophilia, I promise you, it wouldn't be released as promo for a pop star. They do have people look these things over first!

Whether you think it's appropriate or not is your call. Whether your husband thinks it's appropriate is his call. If you differ, you need to discuss it and come to a decision together.

Personally, I find Sia a lot more interesting and positive as a pop star role model, even for a 7 year old, than the Miley Cyruses and Rita Oras of the world. Sia's videos have a message, she writes her own songs, and they are rarely about 'look at me being what men find sexy'. I don't see a problem with the video. It's actually fairly clear to me that it's a stylised representation of a father/daughter relationship. And I really like the girl's dance moves! I'd far rather my daughter was imitating those than the straight out of the strip club ones in most other pop vids.

I have an nearly 9yo and haven't let her watch Avatar yet, although she did watch the Indiana Jones films over Christmas and they are probably about the same in levels of violence.

Not sure what to make of the Sia video tbh, wouldn't let my dd watch it but not sure it would be the end of the world if she did iyswim.

NetworkGuy you said I saw it as not remotely sexual I am pleased some people can view this in an innocent way. I think it is good many people seem able to do so. But the fact the singer has apologised if it is triggering means that she does realise it could be viewed in a sexual way IMHO. I think someone would have said in the production of this video, 'Won't some people find this type of dancing between a 12 and a 28 year old a bit worrying?' and someone else decided it was OK. But I don't really think anyone who produced the video should be surprised it is seen by some in a worrying light.

uproxx.com/music/2015/01/sia-apologizes-elastic-heart/

I am not saying whther or not the OP is right to be worried about her husband showing it to their daughter, I am saying I can see some people may find it worrying.

NetworkGuy you also said Also of course with 33m views in 4 days, any controversy from threads like this simply serve to make the hit count higher! And I wonder if that is why a 'controversial' actor was chosen.

NetworkGuy you also said Perhaps you could enlighten me on those problem pieces that you saw so clearly, as I'm 'blind' to an implied sexual aspect. Thanks. I don't want to enlighten you really, maybe someone else does. If it is not offensive or sexual to you then that is fine. I wanted to support the OP that I also found the video worrying.

I am not an arty person. I don't especially want to watch a video and look for the hidden meaning, I feel we live in a society where young girls are portrayed in a very sexual way, we see it all the time. Adult women are also portrayed as young girls. I think there are lots of strange people out there who want to pray on children, I am not implying that people who watch this video in an artistic way are doing that, or necessarily that the singer who sang this song or put together this video/piece of art work intended that. BUT we live in a society where lots of adult men groom and abuse children. Not a high proportion of the country but a lot of people in general. Where child pornography gets viewed by lots of people. Not a high proportion of the country but a lot of people in general. So when 'art' or modern media seems to portray images of children which for me are worrying, I feel worried.

Personally, I think a child would be bored rigid watching this. I personally would not want to watch it.

I do think it is very helpful for the OP to see these different views. I certainly had not read all this (that other people have) into the video. It may be the OP's husband has read all this/thought all this. I would be surprised if the child had. But as I say, it is good the OP can listen to a variety of views because she is going to get a more balanced view.

And I agree with HelloItsStillMeFell when they say Cinnabar has hit the nail on the head.

differentnameforthis you said No, it just meant that she knew sick people would twist it into something is isn't! Which is actually very sad! I am not sick and I do not think people who find this video worrying are sick. I may well be very sensitive, that may well be true. Those of us who feel worried by this type of thing are not happily looking for things to worry about, we are reacting to things we see. And if as you say Their ages actually have NOTHING to do with the parts they are playing why not have adults acting both parts?

Good luck OP.

Sod the video, the film, any clip mentioned.

OP, you are being so very rude to your DH. You can't treat him as though he were another child or a sub human to be manipulated into your own shape/shadow.

I would agree you need to have a sit down talk with him.. but you need to work out why you fear these things as much as you need to discuss your co-parenting.

Just watched the video. I don't see it as sexual. I wouldn't choose to sho. w it to my 6 year old, but only because it doesn't interest me- and DD wouldn't know what to make of it. I certainly wouldn't worry if DD watched it with someone else. It's a lot less sexual than many other pop videos. At least in this one the girl is free to be herself and express herself in her own way.

I don't really see the problem with Avatar either. My DD is very sensitive and would be upset by some scenes, but I don't think she'd find it any more disturbing than many children's films. And the world of Pandora would be amazing to children.

I would have no problem with a child of any age watching that video. It wasn't sexual at all.

I hadn't seen it before because I would never have music videos on in the house with children here, due to awful inappropriate videos by most mainstream artists. Pretty much all videos on MTV are worse than this which to me was innocent, albeit pretty raw, art!

OP I just saw the video and its plain weird, some of the moves by the girl were a bit sexual, in ballet/dance you don't really see open leg pelvic thrusts but all that said it is fairly harmless, an artist being edgy and angsty to sell music/become more famous etc.

I would question why your DH chose to show it, or even how he came across it, is he a big Sia fan? (I had never heard of her). Could he be trying to wind you up or did he think that your 7 year old would genuinely enjoy it?

Re Avatar I think a lot of people think its a child friendly film? What stands out is that you feel that you have to do the policing in the family, you need to have a chat with your DH about the impact of scary/violent films are on children and agree a plan moving forward?