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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't control my temper because you're a fucking bitch

148 replies

ConciselyConfused · 27/12/2014 13:32

That is what my dp just said to me when I told him he couldn't control his temper and needed help.

I want to take my baby and go and stay in a hotel for the night. Am I overreacting? I don't want to be near him right now and I have nobody in real life I can turn to.

OP posts:
Cloudhowe63 · 27/12/2014 22:36

No-one is here to judge you. Agree that couples counselling is not appropriate where there is abuse. And there is abuse here. Unless he acknowledges that he has a problem, counselling won't make a difference to him. Counselling for you could help you find the strength and perspective you need. Good luck, Concisely.

Cloudhowe63 · 27/12/2014 22:39

Can you keep important documents at your mum's, just in case?

cestlavielife · 27/12/2014 23:55

Go to individual counselling. For you. Go to self esteem and confidence classes. Anything where you can be you.

Imagine a day without him where you can eat porridge all day if you want... Ok if he had cooked a three course lovely meal and you went and ate porridge it would be weird.. And rude . But even then not enough to abuse you.

That you already said you fancied porridge, it's fine.
He is making trouble coz he wants to.

Saying no one else would put up either you is a classic line. Puts you down.

snowflake02 · 28/12/2014 08:51

Just wanted to echo what others have said about couples counselling being a really bad idea in an abusive relationship. I found that it really damaged the progress I had started to make in my own counselling as the counsellor was taken in by him and never questioned anything that he had said or done to me, so I left each week thinking it must all be perfectly acceptable behaviour and that I was over reacting (which or course is what he always told me).

Individual counselling is a really good idea though. For him too. If he wants to change that is.

kittybiscuits · 28/12/2014 09:18

OP you've started to see how it really is. Please read the books suggested. Please please please do not do couples counselling for the reasons others have said. I did and it was horrendous how he played the very experienced counsellor and how she stuck up for him. She said that I would never let things settle down because I always had to 'create a drama'.

You're not pathetic. You have been worked on, ground down, and trained by this excuse for a loving partner. Please keep talking and seek help for yourself x

Aussiemum78 · 28/12/2014 09:24

Why can't you choose your own friends?

Why can't you choose what to eat? Or go to the shops when you want?

He believes he can tell you what to do and gets angry that you don't recognise his right to boss you around.

If you aren't ready to leave, please observe how he takes away your ability to make decisions. He does it more often than you realise, although it can be disguised with caring and concern. He is your jailer, not your partner.

queenoftheknight · 28/12/2014 09:31

The Freedom programme is what you need. It changes lives.

Some (very, very few) abusers do change, to say that they never change is not true. BUT, these men can be very dangerous indeed, and they do kill....frequently, so don't allow your dream of mending this to cost you your life. Seriously.

In order to change the relationship, both parties have to change.

You can see that. He can't.

So the only way forward is to change you. The Freedom Programme is the best next step.

He need know nothing about it at this stage. But please have a look at it.

ConciselyConfused · 28/12/2014 12:32

Hello again. Thanks again. You are all very lovely and caring.

I spoke to him today and said we should go to counselling, and he said 'couples?'. I said 'No we should go individually'. I said he should go for his anger and he said 'yes but what would you go for?' I said I didn't know, I didn't want to say confidence.

So that's a good start... I can hear all your voices telling me to get out but really I want to try. He's apologised so much for how he was in the beginning and does want me to get friends. I just feel all my old friends have moved on so much I'd be the odd clinger on if I tried going back to them.

Anyway, I will look at booking us some counselling sessions, separately. I had a look at the freedom programme and saw you can do a course online for £10. Is that the right thing? Online might be the easiest for me. I'm on mat leave atm, dd is 5 months and breastfed so I can't leave her with anyone for long periods of time, I can't drive either.

OP posts:
Twinklebells · 28/12/2014 12:47

you can do the freedom programme online for free, but many recommend doing it in person as it is much better.

www.onespace.org.uk/learning/

ConciselyConfused · 28/12/2014 12:50

Thank you for the link. That isn't the same thing I found. I will try online and see about going in person. It looks really interesting

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 28/12/2014 13:12

About his anger problem OP - who else does he get this angry with? His friends, family, work colleagues, strangers in the street, people in shops, his boss, other men bigger and stronger than him?

Or is it just you?

Because all of those people will 'wind him up' at some point. Does he manage to control his temper around them even when they 'push his buttons'? If he does then he doesn't have an anger problem.

He is choosing to be angry with you because he knows that it helps him control you. You will back down, you will forgive him and you will change your behaviour to try and please him, to avoid upsetting him and to keep the peace.

Unfortunately for you, he doesn't want that, so no matter how hard you try he will keep pushing you, keep testing you, keep controlling you and it will get worse and worse.

Of course as your dd grows older, she will be under his control too. He will also get angry with her. He already pretends that he doesn't see or hear her distress and blames you for his actions making her unhappy. This will also continue to get worse. Can you imagine her life as a teenager? It doesn't sound like it will be very happy for her does it.

Also, whilst it is true that he is following the script, you are also making those same, very predictable choices. To try and change him, to try and change yourself, to work on the relationship, to keep your family together, etc. Whilst this is understandable you should also realise that it is extremely common. Most women do not walk out straight away, it takes a long time, lots of planning, lots of reading up and finding out about abusive relationships, lots of support and, eventually, the dawning realisation that there is no other option.

So whilst you may not realise it right now, everything that posters are telling you is true. Your relationship is no different to hundreds of others in the same situation. You could stay with him forever but you will probably be very isolated and unhappy. You dd and any further children you might have may become estranged if you won't distance yourself from him and, effectively, choose him over them.

The happy ending that you are looking for is extremely unlikely. Especially if you keep accepting his behaviour and believe his false promises. Action is needed as a catalyst to change. A trial separation whilst you both get counselling would be a good option for you right now. Once he is away from you, the fog might start to clear and you will see the situation you are in more clearly.

It's unlikely that he will agree to this as it's for your benefit, not his. But you never know, it might be worth a try? Sorry for the long post, hope you keep reading all the great advice from pp's and I hope that 2015 is the year that you can make positive changes for yourself x

Starlightbright1 · 28/12/2014 14:23

You can try doing it online. If you ring womens aid they do sometimes do them with a free crèche...I did it that was at a sure start centre and my DS was in another room so if he needed me I was available

queenoftheknight · 28/12/2014 15:11

I did it at the sure start centre too, free and with childcare. Your health visitor and/or GP may be helpful too, they are trained in dealing with abusive relationships. The more people you get around you, the better, for all kinds of reasons.

It is absolutely true that his behaviour has nothing whatever to do with anger. The cornerstone to his pathology is control. That is it. CONTROL.

Are you allowed to freely go on facebook? It is a great way to reconnect with your friends, and a good test to see if he has a problem with that. I put money on him having a BIG problem, because it undermines his control of you. Nothing at all to do with anger.

Cloudhowe63 · 29/12/2014 10:58

Hope you are well, Concisely. Don't rule out reconnecting with friends. The more people you have around you the better. Wishing you well.

TendonQueen · 29/12/2014 11:17

I would also think about reaching out to old friends. For every 5 who are busy and have moved on, there could be one who is lonely or even who is in a similar position to yours. You only need one or two friends to feel far less isolated

Re counselling, I would say you want to go to feel calmer and more self-aware. That will sound like stuff that could work in his favour. Say what you need to say to access help and move forward.

AlbusBumblebee · 30/12/2014 22:51

Thank you can everyone. Smile
Things have really been much better, they really have. I think dp realised how serious things have got. He said he wants to go counselling because he hates how he is now.

I've been finding the freedom programme really interesting. Just doing it online but would like to go in person. The scariest is how much of my dad I can see there. I haven't spoken to my dad very much since I was about 15, and have had no contact at all in the last 2 or 3 years. He is pretty much every bad man in there.

AlbusBumblebee · 30/12/2014 22:52

Ha gave away my new name change Blush
Will have to find a new one.
I'd not make a good spy.

AnyFucker · 30/12/2014 23:05

Please be careful

he is acting nice because he senses you pulling away

this is a very dangerous time for you

Starlightbright1 · 30/12/2014 23:27

I just want to tell you something a HV said to me when asking if there was any chance my abuser would change...Her response was he will do the minimum to keep you...

It is something I didn't understand till I looked back..Please bear it in mind

AlbusBumblebee · 31/12/2014 12:10

If you speak to hv, what do they do? I worry about getting anyone 'official' involved in my life unnecessarily.

AnyFucker · 31/12/2014 12:48

They will provide support for you and signpost local services such as sure start freedom programme and reading materials

they are not interested in interfering in your life or taking your kids away if that is what you were thinking (unless of course you are clearly in immediate danger, and then their help is invaluable )

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/12/2014 13:04

You are not patheitc
He doesnt have a problem with anger. He is controlling and abusive.
There is nothing wrong with you apart from him.
Post as often as you need to, whatever you do.

Starlightbright1 · 31/12/2014 15:49

I am going to say depends who your HV is. I seem to have had a mix of very helpful and some very unhelpful.

The one I spoke to I referred to was when we were in a refuge.

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