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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this cheating ?

127 replies

Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 20:42

Man and woman cuddling, holding hands, general touching and kissing on the cheek. They are both married.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 22:24

hope the feelings for other man go away I mean and DH won't notice or be hurt.

OP posts:
deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:30

Hug the man you are in love with tighter than ever before.
And if he asks you what that was for.
Tell him......you love him....:D
Its Sunday tomorrow.....lie in?
Sleep well

mandy214 · 20/12/2014 22:30

I don't know how you're still in love with your H when you say you're massively attracted to another man, you never felt like this even in the early days with your H, you were jealous when he danced with someone else Hmm. I get that everyone can have a drunken snog but that's not what this is - its much more than that in my view.

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 22:32

Yeah, I'm not getting that she loves her dh. Says she does but then, actions speak louder than words. I love my dh and there is no way I would be fumbling around with another man, kissing and 'general touching' Hmm

Imi22sleeping · 20/12/2014 22:33

If you have to ask if it was cheating then it probably was cheating

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:33

Mandy, I read that she was like that with her DH, in the early days.
And she has said she is still in love with him.

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:35

But this thread suggests that Lilac is a deep person and very private, so we may never know what is inside her.
I am off to my pillow now....

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 22:37

Well, tbh, we never know who anyone is on the internet do we, only what they tell us...

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:40

So true....
But I know my pillow inside and out...:D
Hard bit along the bottom, bump top right.......corner.......soft bit..................in....the....mid.....dle.........zzzzz

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 22:40

I just wanted some advice as I feel bad about tge whole situation. sorry to drip feed at the start but didn't want a pasting for cheating on my DH or going near a married man.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 22:41

What advice did you think you would get other than stop doing it?

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 22:42

Was hoping people would say it's not cheating

OP posts:
deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:43

Oh...ffs.....I was just going off to sleep....:D
So, I want to ask you this.
Do you still love DH enough to want to be with him?

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:44

Nobody can answer that for you Lilac...
We all have different thresholds.
Be true to yourself.
Always.
Please answer my question, or I will toss and turn all night...:D

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 22:45

Well, some people might say it's not cheating but most think it is. No-one would like it done to them. We tend to judge others by our own standards.

Why don't you ask you dh if he thinks you cheated on him OP?

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 22:47

Yes desertrek I do. I know it was wrong, as are my feelings about the whole thing given how much I enjoyed it at the time, but I guess I wanted to ease my conscience.

OP posts:
deserttrek · 20/12/2014 22:51

Then go to him.
You know who I mean.
And start living again.
In ways you did as teenagers, or however, the first time.
That is all that matters now.....

Every minute is a chance to turn it all around.

Happy Christmas.....

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 22:55

It's common for cheaters to do that OP. They tell strangers on the internet because they can't tell anyone in rl. It is like a confession of sorts. However, you will always have to live with this, unless you decide to own up, which is unlikely, imo.

mummynanny67 · 20/12/2014 22:57

It has happened and didn't go too far. You are a human being and not perfect. We all make mistakes. Move on and try and put it to the back of your mind. Do not confess as it will only hurt your DH. Remember how you feel right now re: guilt, if the feeling should arise again. Avoid any near future drinks gatherings with this person until you feel strong enough to resist. Good luck.

DorisIsABitPartialToSprouts · 20/12/2014 23:01

You feel guilty because you know you crossed a line. You have feelings for this man - crushes count as feelings too. Would you have gone further if the opportunity had arisen? If he walked you to the taxi and kissed you? I think you would, so feel glad that you didn't because you would be feeling a whole lot worse now if you had. And that would be cheating, no doubt. Use how you feel now to distance yourself to prevent this from happening again - or even going further.

mandy214 · 20/12/2014 23:02

I agree that everyone judges others by their own standards, of course they do and in my view where its something that could be cheating, or something just close to the line, its your state of mind that it important.

And something doesn't quite fit in my view - it doesn't seem to me (judging by how I would behave and expect my H to behave) that if you feel the way you do about this other man you can't really love your H, you certainly can't be in love with him. Just my view though. It sounds as though you have some serious thinking to do.

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 23:02

The memory of that other man, your hand in his, those lips on your cheek, your lips on his cheek. His hand on your bum. They are images now. Take your hand and grip those images like sheets of paper and now draw them in between your palm and fingers and roll them into little balls of paper. Take time to do that in your mind. Then scrunch them up and put them in the bin. Where they belong.

Then go to work on you and DH.

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 23:17

desert I've been trying to think of who you remind me of and I've just realised it's Parker from Friends Xmas Smile

Xmas Grin
deserttrek · 20/12/2014 23:30

No tie, no suit.
And I would have had Phoebe in my arms before the end of that clip.....
She is sooo gorgeous.

Joysmum · 20/12/2014 23:36

Just to add to my earlier comment that this would have caused irreparable damage to our marriage if either of us did this...

If this happened the the other didn't dess up, the lying would be worse. For me it'd be over.

It's disrespectble to not adhere to another's boundaries and unforgivable to to tell them and give them the freedom to make their own decisions. That's the ultimate imposition of your will over them.