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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this cheating ?

127 replies

Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 20:42

Man and woman cuddling, holding hands, general touching and kissing on the cheek. They are both married.

OP posts:
AlfAlf · 20/12/2014 21:10

I'd be gutted if my dh did that, too.

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 21:10

Life's not perfect.
We all do things we later regret.
You need to work out, on your own, why you wanted to do this in the first place.
Every minute is a chance to turn it all around.
Sleep well.

Bowchickawowow · 20/12/2014 21:11

Cuddling, holding hands, kissing on the cheek - it is hard to tell. Is it what physically happened - which could be cheating or completely friendly - or is it your feelings about it and the fact you are attracted to this person and want to do more?
Once you kiss on the mouth, you have definitely crossed a line - less ambiguity.

FreudianStockingFiller · 20/12/2014 21:13
Sad

What are you going to do?

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:14

I don't know, have really felt attracted to this man since I first met him. Never had this before since I mer DH (10 years)

OP posts:
sillymillyb · 20/12/2014 21:15

If your husband had walked in while you were behaving like this what would his reaction of been? Not batted an eyelid or been devastated?

That to me is the test of whether it was cheating, but for the record, I would be gutted if a partner of mine was acting like that - and I think you know in your heart it's wrong or you wouldn't even be questioning it.

sillymillyb · 20/12/2014 21:15

If your husband had walked in while you were behaving like this what would his reaction of been? Not batted an eyelid or been devastated?

That to me is the test of whether it was cheating, but for the record, I would be gutted if a partner of mine was acting like that - and I think you know in your heart it's wrong or you wouldn't even be questioning it.

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 21:15

Oh.....that's a big statement Lilac.
Read it again.

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:16

I don't know what to do. Have to work closely with this man too. But I doubt he'll be worrying about it.

OP posts:
deserttrek · 20/12/2014 21:17

Do you love him?

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 20/12/2014 21:18

You have to tell your DH. Especially if you were seen by others. He deserves to hear it from you.

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:20

I mean I've never felt this attracted to another man whilst woth DH.

The thought of DH walking in and what he would think made me stop and feel bad. Think it could've escalated on his behalf as he was asking me what I was doing after but I was sharing a taxi with my friend. He also had his hand on my bum

OP posts:
FreudianStockingFiller · 20/12/2014 21:21

Woah. Get a grip OP. Married 10 years, attractive work colleague, Christmas do......

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 21:22

It seems as if, and I could be wrong, this man is giving you exactly what you had with you husband in your beginning?
Would that be right?

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:22

Love DH ? Yeah he's great, kind and caring. Sex is great but not as often as I'd like due to young DC. When I first started crushing on this man I just put it down to not enough sex so I worked on that.

OP posts:
FreudianStockingFiller · 20/12/2014 21:23

Oh tell colleague to fuck off then. Surely he's a wanker compared to your H? Would your H do that?

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 21:23

OP why don't you ask your dh what he thinks about it? Oh wait, you won't do that because you know it's cheating and that's why you're hiding it from him. Nasty.

deserttrek · 20/12/2014 21:26

Lilac
Watch....listen....and feel.....

FreudianStockingFiller · 20/12/2014 21:26

I worked on that

Sorry you've lost me there.

Branleuse · 20/12/2014 21:27

its dodgy but its hardly an affair. Its a crush, its not a boom of special love. Dont do it again

Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:27

I know my DH is better than him ! He wouldn't do that to me and also DH is more physically attractive than him. Just random attraction

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:28

Freudian I mean I started making an effort to have more sex woth DH

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilacflower · 20/12/2014 21:29

thanks Bran. I just feel bad.

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 20/12/2014 21:33

I don't think it's an affair either but you have crossed a line. The betrayal of your DH is there and you have to decide how you will fix it. Were you seen by others at the party?

Mappcat · 20/12/2014 21:34

It isn't cheating! Not a great thing to do if you are in a relationship but certainly not cheating! Personally, I would chalk it down to experience and try to forget about it. Your OH would be upset if you told him but it sounds like it was pretty innocent TBH. No point in ruining the upcoming festivities bY confessing to holding hands with someone else. You need to get over the big crush though. That'll be the hard part by the sound of it.