My husband is an utter £&@*!!

[Snakesandpropertyladders]

Sorry this is more of a ranty post than seeking advice.

I was taken ill at work today and was sick in the office toilet. I felt so faint and unwell that I wasn't sure how I was going to manage the walk to the station, let alone collect the car the other end and drive to nursery to collect our toddler. Who is also getting over a bug.

I texted my "DH" to let him know and during a fairly long text conversation it became apparent that he was reluctant to leave his work meeting ( read drinks!!) early to collect our son. He even suggested that I take a taxi the other end when I said I didn't feel safe to drive!

So I ended up travelling back and am now at home with the toddler. I'm running to the toilet constantly and am in a lot of pain. I also feel like I'm going to be sick again at any moment. The twat has text to ask if I am still going out later tonight, which obviously I am not. So he has decided that means he is going to stay out himself.

I am so angry right now I could explode! He knows exactly how unwell I am and obviously couldn't care less. Before anybody says it I can tell you that he has been out several times per week for the past month so this isn't a well deserved night out for him. He has just selfishly decided to use my not going out as an opportunity to go out again, leaving me to try to sort our toddler out when I feel dreadful.

I really fucking hate him right now!

Well, maybe he might just catch the bug over Christmas, then you can leave him to it too.....

text him to come home now as his DS needs looking after -if he doesn't respond tell him not to bother coming home at all

Selfish arse

Text him "You need to come home now. It's not safe for me to look after dc". Or call him and tell
Him so there can be no "I didn't get your message until..."

And if he doesn't come? Bin bags on doorstep.

Is this typical behaviour for him?

suck his toothbrush

Yes! Call him and say he has to come home now

I really don't understand why you went and got DS? Why didn't you just say he had to do it and you couldn't - end of story?

I know you are ill but you are coming across as a bit of a martyr. I hope you feel better soon

Suck it? Clean the inside rim of the toilet bowl with it!!! I would be utterly furious

How will he look after you both in the morning if he has a raging hangover?

Why did you pick up the toddler? Why didn't you just tell him he's doing it then hang up. Then call the nursery to say he's picking up and make sure they've got his number.

Why was being a martyr the best option?

x-post with littleDonkey

Ring him and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are fucking ILL and THROWING UP EVERYWHERE through an actual illness, not a fucking hangover, and he is to come home NOW to look after his son. If he is well enough to prance around with his colleagues - again - then he is well enough to come home and look after his family.

If he makes a big song and dance about it, or refuses, or whines like a man child then simply tell him "I see. In which case you can enjoy Christmas with your colleagues as well. You don't get to veto the shit parts of parental responsibility and only show up for the fun bits". Then hang up.

Don't just stay there fuming and saying nothing. Let him know this is NOT on. Otherwise he will play the "Oh I thought you didn't mind..you didn't SAY anything..." card.

Get on the blower and get him to come home. If you had what I had it's dreadful

He knows full well that I mind. His text telling me he was going to go out started " I know you're going to go mad".

I collected the toddler because he needed to be picked up and DH wasn't going to do it. He was in a "meeting" with drinks involved and had already had a couple when I contacted him. Meaning he wasn't able to drive. DS is still getting over the bug I now have and nursery had told me he was clingy and upset. So I could have insisted DH collected him but he would've done it in his own sweet time. Meaning DS would've been left at nursery until it closed and then taken home on foot in the freezing cold by a tipsy father.
I didn't want DS to suffer as a result of me making a stand.

It's not typical behaviour per se but not the first time he has been a selfish prick either.

Tell him the doors locked so he'd better book a hotel.

Now you are making excuses for him.
he could have got a taxi--but lets face it he didn't want to. he was happy to let you pick him up whilst he got pissed and was prepared to let his DC stay in the nursery until HE felt like picking him up.
You were not making a stand-you were asking for help.
Text him NOW home or bags on doorstep--AND MEAN IT

But you haven't "gone mad" have you?

Calling him and telling him his belongings are in the street is going mad. Telling him to fuck off and spend Christmas with his colleagues is going mad.

Being a bit huffy with him for a couple of days is a green light to do it again and again and again.

What did you text him in reply to his text?

Well, he'll carry on being a selfish prick as long as you put up with it!

Do you have mug tattooed on your forehead ?

A "please wipe your feet" mat on your person ?

Bastard - I think I would suck on his toothbrush too.

He's out several times a WEEK this month???! Total piss take, let alone all this as well.

I'd be livid.

I wouldn't care if he hadn't been out for a year! He should have come home.

Is he likely to come home drunk? Can you lock him out?

I think, when you're better, you better have a good long think about what he does or doesn't bring to your life.

Suck on his toothbrush and then clean the toilet with it

I'm not making excuses for him at all. Yes he could easily have left and found a way to pick our son up. He clearly wasn't willing.
I replied to his text to tell him to go fuck himself. There's no point me calling him, he won't come home. I'm too ill to have a text slanging match with him. The fact he said he knew I'd go mad shows me he knows he is being out of order and doesn't care.

I don't care either much anymore. I haven't felt the same about him since DS was born. I'd be happy if he moved out. It's just his money I need. I will have to figure out a way of getting by with my own salary only.