My husband is an utter £&@*!!

[Snakesandpropertyladders]

Sorry this is more of a ranty post than seeking advice.

I was taken ill at work today and was sick in the office toilet. I felt so faint and unwell that I wasn't sure how I was going to manage the walk to the station, let alone collect the car the other end and drive to nursery to collect our toddler. Who is also getting over a bug.

I texted my "DH" to let him know and during a fairly long text conversation it became apparent that he was reluctant to leave his work meeting ( read drinks!!) early to collect our son. He even suggested that I take a taxi the other end when I said I didn't feel safe to drive!

So I ended up travelling back and am now at home with the toddler. I'm running to the toilet constantly and am in a lot of pain. I also feel like I'm going to be sick again at any moment. The twat has text to ask if I am still going out later tonight, which obviously I am not. So he has decided that means he is going to stay out himself.

I am so angry right now I could explode! He knows exactly how unwell I am and obviously couldn't care less. Before anybody says it I can tell you that he has been out several times per week for the past month so this isn't a well deserved night out for him. He has just selfishly decided to use my not going out as an opportunity to go out again, leaving me to try to sort our toddler out when I feel dreadful.

I really fucking hate him right now!

he wi never acknowledge the positive role you play, he will never "get it", he will never look at himself and find it wanting

he doesn't need to understand, he has you tying yourself in knots trying to work him out, wrackng your brains to understand why he behaves as he does

it's quite simple really, he does it because he can

no more, no less

your choice to tolerate it or not, because you certainly won't change him and he won't have a lightbulb moment where he suddenly turns into a decent human being

You only had a bug!
DW wouldn't be very pleased if I told her to cancel her night out because I have a bug.

It would certainly be borderline abusive to then lock the doors and threaten to take away the children for Christmas because she didn't do what I wanted.
As you've said earlier, it's not his usual behaviour, it's entertaining clients etc which is normal around this time of the year.

After all he did pick up the slack the following day.

If you are only staying with him because of money then you need to leave.

arsenal what a nasty excuse of a human being you are !!!!!
I once "only had a bug" and on the way from my bed to my baby's cot when I had to see to her in the night, I almost fainted. Naturally (!!!) my DH took over for the rest of the night and worked from home the next day, because it wasn't safe for me to look after the children by myself. Your attitude is just despicable and no half decent person, man or woman, would leave their other half to look after young children when they are feeling horrendous with a bug, if they could help it.

Jokat that was a bit harsh.

Don't be ridiculous arsenal. Parenting is a two person job when both parents claim to be involved. He's their father, not the babysitter. Why does he get to just check out of his responsibilities whenever he wants when she can't even have an hour to herself when she's ill?
Your attitude is just ludicrous.

Arsenal - your DW would rather spend the evening drinking and laughing whilst you vomit everywhere - and while your/her children are NOT BEING PROPERLY CARED FOR?????

Riiiiiiiight.

It's only a bug. I wouldn't call DW to cancel her plans because I have a bug.
She didn't need urgent medical care, she was busy on MN, she was okay.

He looked after them the following day whilst she had a rest.

However OP saying she's only staying because of money is not on.

Erm... have you ever tried to look after a small child when feeling really poorly? Clearly not.

Even though it's not exactly a one-off? If she'd taken lots of evenings out, leaving OH to look after the children? That is not exactly parenting, is it?

Arsenal - words fail me

It sounds to me as if you two will both do each other a favour by splitting up before this gets worse. Not to sound harsh but you clearly can't communicate with each other, nothing he does is good enough for you and you now say that all you want is his salary. Perhaps that sentiment is reciprocated, he just doesn't communicate that to you.

For gods sake split before your child starts witnessing your arguments. You'll both save a lot of heartache.

I agree that he was bad for not cancelling his night out on Friday but he had already got two drinks inside him, couldn't drive and ok, he is in the wrong for at least not offering to come home.

But aside from that it really does sound as if you have absolutely no affection for the guy whatsoever.

Unless I'm reading this wrong?

Some of you need to read my posts properly. I didn't ask my husband to cancel a night out. I was the one supposed to be going out. I cancelled it due to being ill and he then decided that he would go out instead. After I had told him I was throwing up and wasn't safe to drive! He had decided to start drinking in the afternoon, while supposedly at work, despite knowing he was due to be caring for DS that evening.

I don't recall saying that I was only with him for his money. He doesn't have much! I said I only needed his money, meaning that is all he is bringing to the relationship these days. I've gone part time since having DS and now don't earn enough to pay the mortgage and bills alone. Or so I thought until I found out that I would be eligible for help with childcare costs. Anyway I can see how it may have come across.

Also I'm not sure how you can deduce that nothing he does is good enough. He doesn't do much at all which is one of the biggest problems!

Hi Snakes, I hope this means you are feeling better. I think you need to keep a brave face on over the Christmas and New Year period then come Jan 5th or whenever, tell him in no uncertain terms that the next time he pulls a stunt like this he will be out he door.

Obviously I read it wrong..
Apologies

Snakes I hope you manage to enjoy Christmas.

Snakes, I honestly think it's time for an ultimatum... I hope it goes your way. If you want to stay together that is? You need to want to stay for more than the security though - you'd find a way to cope alone. Once you realise that and aren't scared of being on your own, you'll be able to make the best decision for you and DS.

Good luck