My husband is an utter £&@*!!

[Snakesandpropertyladders]

Sorry this is more of a ranty post than seeking advice.

I was taken ill at work today and was sick in the office toilet. I felt so faint and unwell that I wasn't sure how I was going to manage the walk to the station, let alone collect the car the other end and drive to nursery to collect our toddler. Who is also getting over a bug.

I texted my "DH" to let him know and during a fairly long text conversation it became apparent that he was reluctant to leave his work meeting ( read drinks!!) early to collect our son. He even suggested that I take a taxi the other end when I said I didn't feel safe to drive!

So I ended up travelling back and am now at home with the toddler. I'm running to the toilet constantly and am in a lot of pain. I also feel like I'm going to be sick again at any moment. The twat has text to ask if I am still going out later tonight, which obviously I am not. So he has decided that means he is going to stay out himself.

I am so angry right now I could explode! He knows exactly how unwell I am and obviously couldn't care less. Before anybody says it I can tell you that he has been out several times per week for the past month so this isn't a well deserved night out for him. He has just selfishly decided to use my not going out as an opportunity to go out again, leaving me to try to sort our toddler out when I feel dreadful.

I really fucking hate him right now!

oh he really can just feck right off - how dare he. You don't need to tell him anything about any benefits you may or may not claim - it is none of his business. His only concern is what maintenance he legally has to pay you.

Tell him he has to go to his Mums - he can either do it nicely or he can wait for a solicitor to do it not so nicely. And do not cook or lift a finger for him now.

Would you consider couples counselling? Even if it's to just figure out where you go from here?
He sounds an arse :( I hope you feel better soon at least

Effort works both ways - he didn't make any effort for you or his son when you were ill, what an utter knob.

Don't worry I'm not doing anything for him. Just cooking a lovely roast chicken for DS and me. I will not be offering him a thing!

He is right that I haven't been making an effort with our relationship but it's because I've had enough. I do and organise everything but none of that counts to him. For this Xmas I have sent cards to all of his family and friends, I've bought gifts for his mum. He hasn't done a thing! I've not even had so much as a card from DS. He hasn't bought me a single gift. What he would have done is to run around and buy what he could last minute. All the while moaning that he didn't know what to get me. Because it's too hard to listen to me during the year and pick up my likes and dislikes, like I do for him.
I've also booked the hotel so we could visit his mum ( tempted to cancel it but that will mean he won't go there at all). Plus ordered all of the food. So basically Xmas wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for me.

None of this counts as effort to him though.

He is going to say whatever he can now to hurt you isn't he. Just ignore and disengage is my advice - he really isn't worth the oxygen is he. Just concentrate on yourself and DS and securing your own happy and peaceful future is my advice.

Wouldn't it be easier to just book a hotel room for your husband?

Give him the booking email along with a packed suitcase.

Agree with ArchangelGallic so glad you see this for what it is, OP.

He wouldn't go if I did book him a hotel. But frankly we can't afford it anyway with it being Christmas and hotel prices high. The easiest thing would be for him to go to his bloody mums but he won't " be forced out". She lives hundreds of miles away but would be delighted to have him to herself for a week or two.

It's fine at home as I've enough space that we don't really need to see much of each other. It's just making Xmas a pain as my mum was due here. Obviously I can't bring her here with him here. So I will just have to go to her and take all the food etc that I've ordered. She won't have a thing in because she thought she was coming here. Plus it will mean DS and I sleeping in her one reception room. DH is just being awkward because it's the only power he has right now .

He sounds like a prize ! You're better off without him.

But he can afford to go out drinking?!
Even if it's on an expense account, I bet there's personal spending involved.

Apart from last night it's been company do's he has been on so yes all paid for. Obviously he "has" to attend every single event because it would look bad if he didn't go drinking with every Tom, Dick and Harry that he may have ever met over the course of his career.

Just caught up on your thread Op - horrible situation, especially with a little one & so close to Christmas, however it does sound like you'll be much better off without him so stay strong.

Good luck.

Well, it seems as though you're happy with your plan. Avoid him until Tuesday, go to appointment, go to your mum's house for a few days?

how did you ruin last christmas?

I really have no idea how I posted that on this thread... sorry!

By being moody and snappy with him. Which I fully admit to. I had a 4 month old who still woke every two hours. On his insistence we hosted Xmas, because he didn't want to be driving on Xmas day and not be able to drink. At one point I was trying to cook while the baby was on the floor of the small kitchen in his bouncy chair. I think its understandable that I was pissed off.
I hadn't expected being left to do all of the cooking, but he had taken himself off for a half hour toilet break. By making a start on the cooking I was apparently saying that I wanted to do it...!
I was unreasonable and did snap at him in front of our guests but in my defence I was on my knees with exhaustion, and hosting Xmas for people was not a good idea.

And you write that description and conclude that you were unreasonable?

Seriously?

Snakes... Wow, you poor thing. Hope you're feeling better this evening.

Your DH sounds just like mine - see my recent posts for a few favourite examples...

I unfortunately was so incensed by his behaviour last weekend that I laid down an ultimatum, cut the drink, or leave. Cue MUCH sulking, but a gradual realisation that DS and I are in fact more important than his endless boozing after work. I am praying it lasts.

If you're feeling the same, TELL HIM. If you think you can salvage the relationship if he changes, then ask him to.

I must say, he sounds wretched (but so does mine on paper), and perhaps you'd be better off without him. Only you can decide. Good luck, and know you're not alone.

I'm sorry snakes, he sounds like an arse! He reminds me of my ex with the all night drinking/ inability to grow up and step up to his responsibilities. However, life has been much more pleasant since I got rid of him. Although, he was very difficult to get rid of. It sounds like your H may be difficult too. Don't be afraid to take legal action if needs be. I really regret not getting a restraining order. Hopefully you won't need anything like that.

The problem is that he doesn't see how my attitude towards him ( I admit I can be rude, dismissive and uncaring towards him) is a result of his behaviour. Or more the feelings that have died because of his behaviour.

He will say that he does things like Friday because he has had enough of being treated like a second class citizen. But it was him doing stuff like he did on Friday that have gradually caused me to freeze over towards him.

He says I cause his behaviour by being the way I am with him. I say I'm that way because of his behaviour. So its a vicious circle.

No, it's him being vindictive and turning it on you...

My H is the same. He is verbally abusive to me when he's drunk 'because I'm snippy with him' a lot of the time... It's all a pile of bullshit and you need to stand up for yourself, and stick to your guns.

You are not the one in the wrong to expect a husband capable of living up to his responsibilities.

Sorry you have found yourself married to such a cunt snakes. I'm really worried about your use of the phrase 'see if he will let me' and 'he won't let me'. These are not normal things to say about something even if it your dick of a husband. What on earth will be do to stop you? Why do you feel like he has the right to let you or not let you do something? It is really concerning.

he says, he says, he says

who gives a fuck what he says ?

he's a pillock