My husband is an utter £&@*!!

[Snakesandpropertyladders]

Sorry this is more of a ranty post than seeking advice.

I was taken ill at work today and was sick in the office toilet. I felt so faint and unwell that I wasn't sure how I was going to manage the walk to the station, let alone collect the car the other end and drive to nursery to collect our toddler. Who is also getting over a bug.

I texted my "DH" to let him know and during a fairly long text conversation it became apparent that he was reluctant to leave his work meeting ( read drinks!!) early to collect our son. He even suggested that I take a taxi the other end when I said I didn't feel safe to drive!

So I ended up travelling back and am now at home with the toddler. I'm running to the toilet constantly and am in a lot of pain. I also feel like I'm going to be sick again at any moment. The twat has text to ask if I am still going out later tonight, which obviously I am not. So he has decided that means he is going to stay out himself.

I am so angry right now I could explode! He knows exactly how unwell I am and obviously couldn't care less. Before anybody says it I can tell you that he has been out several times per week for the past month so this isn't a well deserved night out for him. He has just selfishly decided to use my not going out as an opportunity to go out again, leaving me to try to sort our toddler out when I feel dreadful.

I really fucking hate him right now!

Then just do that OP. Packup the car and go to your mums.

What do you mean he won't "let you" have DS over Christmas?

He doesn't get to call all the shots - he has behaved appallingly and shown no regard for DS welfare, or yours.

Can you confide in DM or someone else to get RL support?

He says DS is his world..... clearly !

Challenge him on that one, his world, yeah right. Himself is his world, you and DS are merely there to make he look better. Idiot.

Then just do that OP. Packup the car and go to your mums

I agree.

If his DS was REALLY "his world", he would have dragged his sorry arse home and helped you care for him. Clearly his drink and his colleagues are "his world"... not you and your ds.

Yep, if you want to go, then go.

He won't want you to and leave ds with him. That would be too much like hard work.

If you're still feeling terrible, could you ask your mother to come and pick you and DS up? Then leave a note for your twat of a dp for when he eventually emerges?

He does not get to "let" or "not let" you have DS for christmas. And he should get to see DS at christmas too. The thing is not to let him try and play "happy families" but rather make it clear this is purely for your child, and anything between you two is now DONE.

The note could read:

Have had DM pick me and child up. We are at hers, and I have no interest in seeing you.

PS, I want a divorce.

That will be a nice surprise for him!

My mum lives too far and can't drive so that wouldn't have worked. I've been in bed all day and just left him too it. He did keep asking if I needed him to get me some medicine so he clearly feels bad.

I told him the only thing I'd like him to do is go to his mums for the next few weeks to give us both space. He started ranting that I ought to put more energy into my marriage than into being horrible. I did ask him to let me take DS to my mums for Xmas and he said I'd ruined last Christmas for him so may as well ruin this one too.

He has gone out again tonight so I don't regret my decision. I'm starting to feel human again now so will take DS out for the day tomorrow to stay out of his way.

With every new post, this man sounds more and more entitled, manipulative and nasty.

Take your DS to your Mum's for Christmas.

Keep informing yourself on your financial options and gather documents, and go see a solicitor as a Christmas present to yourself, while you are on your DH-free Christmas break at your Mum's.

I did ask him to let me take DS to my mums for Xmas and he said I'd ruined last Christmas for him so may as well ruin this one too.

"Let you"?

"stay out of his way"?

Where have you learned that this is acceptable in a relationship??

I don't want him to make a fuss about it and upset DS.

So what are you going to do? Does he know how much he has hurt you?

Pack up and while he is nursing his hangover tomorrow go to your mums for Christmas.
Start planning your 2015 exit from this arse

I can't go until Xmas eve hence the desire to stay out of his way. That way he can't whinge about me not being nice, or ruining another Xmas.

Snakes, in your posts today you seem broken. Silly question I know but are you ok???

Yeah I'm ok thanks for asking. Just very drained by this bug. The anger of last night sort of helped me to plough through but now I've crashed a bit.

You can go. You are choosing not to. Who cares how much he whinges? He will anyway -- whatever you do.

It is not your job to keep him happy, and he is unpleasable anyway.

You are letting him manipulate you here. You are staying to avoid diddums getting in a mood and saying "I told you so". You are letting his moods dictate your actions.

That's not healthy.

Do what is right and good for you.

We no my son has a medical appointment on Tuesday which is why I can't leave now.

Good luck snakes
what's he been like since his night out? Hope you are over the bug

Feeling sorry for himself and acting like I've ruined his life.
I've asked him to go to his mums but he's refusing. Which means I will have to take DS to my mums. She doesn't have room as her house is tiny. She was supposed to be coming to us. He is just being awkward now.

Do you have enough money/credit to book a hotel room near DM?

I think you have to stand your ground now and not back down. I also think you should see a solicitor as he clearly doesn't give a toss.

Do not leave your husband/partner over this. Mine was terrible when our son was younger, he didn't change his 'single man' ways at all. I finally got through to him after 3 years and he is starting to learn how to parent and enjoy being a dad. Give him another chance, it's Christmas after all.

Plarail - this is about way more than a christmas night out - have you RTFT? What a load of tripe you are talking.

OP - I hope he just bloody leaves. As if it isn't stressful enough without him being an utter manchild about it.

Yes it's about way more than one night!
He is telling me I should have put more effort into my relationship rather that what benefits I can sponge if he leaves. I must point out that I work so it will only be child credits I'm entitled to. Before anybody thinks I really will be sponging.

You should have put more effort in? Nothing about him trying harder?

Dick