The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

Hi All
I don't know if you remember me posting a few months back about one of my friends talking to someone with a false profile and photo's. Big long story about how he was a trauma surgeon in Syria but came from our city. Contacted her outwith Match. My friend new it was a poss scam but kept it going emailing outwith Match but she reported her concern to Match and they took his profile down. He was telling her he loved her blah bland told . She wanted to keep it going to see what he was after but she got fed up and told him she thought he was fake, she never heard from him again.
Anyway I've just seen him on Match (ok same photo's...probably taken from internet ) Different user name, saying from Midlands, should I report him ? or should I message him. What to do, don't want anyone getting conned

Report him, definitely.

Hope you're OK, Jesy? That's a tough combination.

I'd report him, steel for sure. I'd think that Match could at least keep a look out for profile pics that match ones that have previously been reported, seems like that's the least they could do.

What are all of your red flags? I find if men say I'm intelligent that doesn't seem to bode well. Also, mentioning of people's (women's) looks. Saying they think men should be older than they women they're with. What "jokes" they find funny. Any use of the word slut/slag etc. Saying they think I'm out of their league (either they think I am or they're being overly complimentary - either way, not good!). Making me feel railroaded in any way. I'm sure there are more...

Thanksx Hansel and Raspberry, I've reported him

Blossom That's a shame, maybe going NC for a while will give you both space to decide what you really want.

I was texting the guy from POF on and off all day yesterday, we seem to be quite similar. How long do people wait to meet up? Also, im not keen on the idea of dtd very early on, is that something that people expect will happen after a couple of dates? Im not a prude, i just like to have a certain level of trust with a person before i get my naked wobbly bits on show!

Gin, I prefer to meet up as soon as possible, usually within a few days. As for DTD, there are no rules! Just whenever you feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured.

Blossom

We sexted each, it was very enjoyable and we both single .

So no harm done .

But well I might sound a bit strange but I've always believed in dreams mean something, last night I kept dreaming of water, and drowning which is meant to do with emotional turmoil, I had the same type of dreams last year when I was seeing a bloke I really wasn't sure about.

jesy - you ok?

Gin - i like to wait about 2 weeks. Just because i would have saved myself time and some pretty awful dates if i had chatted to them a bit more first and found out a bit more. If you give people long enough the ' them' will come out a bit more rather than just the nice bits. But then again ive been on so many dates its possible i come at this from a rather cynical perspective. I have, in the past, met the same day.

Got a bit narky with a guy yesterday, all he kept asking was ' whats your favorite' so, we dd that for a while, i kept trying to change the conversation to more of a chat, he kept going back to it. He asked me my favorite meals, I replied, he came back with ' i am surprised you like spicy food' i said i did and tried, but clearly failed to move the chat on, because he came back with ' whats your favorite'

however, my interest has been sparked by someone, and we chatted most of the day, till gone midnight. He would be wholly inappropriate as a boyfriend. Very alternative, lives in an actual art project, which is also his job. He is absolutley beautiful. The conversation was sparky and alive and even, just for that, i feel a bit perked up. we have a skype date later. I do not forsee anything coming of it at all, our lives are way to different, and, when he realises i am a dumpy, single parent, living in a semi , my shine will wear off ( well, he knows that, but i dont think he realises that, if that makes sense ) . But, for now, its fun.

Vintage

I'm ok , silly mistake happen.

Rioux Your Willy pic made me laugh ;)

Blossom You sound similar to me, my marriage had no sex, spending time with my exh over Christmas stirred me up inside. We have similar sense of humour and can have a hood laugh and great conversation. If my ex knew I had slept with someone since split, I know he would treat me differently.
Feel quite emotional over it, just when I think I'm over my exh.
Relationships are hard and I think sexual attraction is important.
Jesy Look after yourself, I was on the verge of a panic attack last night, felt dreadful. I had to get on the phone to my sis to talk me round, Seeing my exh and MT is making me anxious. Feeling alone is horrible and I have felt alone in a relationship and without.

I'm not sure about MT, got a message on OK and tempted to say Hi. Feel MT is just giving me BS ott comments but he ran dry yesterday. Think I did something wrong on our date Sunday, probably became too RL.

gotta I doubt you did anything wrong on your Sunday date. The guy I'm seeing is a bit ott too with his comments , I don't really pay any attention to them... maybe it is the ott comments that do put us off and make us wary. Us being wary is good , my exh has gone from woman to woman since we split , actually being single for two weeks in 18 months with 4 different women , each one he is madly in love with.... but really he just can't be alone ! I prefer now to be wary , than to be head over heels in love with each new person. I still haven't seen my guy , due to me having the kids .... but I'm making plans for my weekend off this weekend and he is not really featuring in it so far

well I am now stuck what to do next.

have been texting MSBE but doesn't seem like much chat now. Mentioned I was going to Exeter for a day and he got chatty about that. Then I thought sod it I may as well ask about another date or when to meet up and asked what he was doing at the weekend, he said he wasn't sure yet and I said to let me know when you (he knows). Then I asked him if anything was up as he hadn't seemed chatty and he said 'no it's ok'. so that was last text and now I'm not sure what to do next.

jesy - painkillers and loneliness and exes don't mix - hope you're ok.

gotta - you never know what MT thinks after you've met up in real time as it were, I'm sort of on same page as you but not met up as much.

VintageDumpy, Single parent, living in a semi That made me laugh. I'm a single parent living in a rented semi and in need of a man who can do DIY :)

Gin I like to meet up asap but only if the conversation is going well and I can see us having good conversation in RL. DTD is entirely up to how you feel, I dtd once on a first date due to intense sexual chemistry, never saw the guy again but its something I needed to do. Just never feel pressured into dtd or feel you have to in order to keep him interested. A few Arse holes will just want to get you naked and them poof...gone. Old for me is constantly trial and error.
Raspberry Major Tom is one big red flag, he's come out with some very ott comments like your the most beautiful women in the world to me, your perfect, you mean the world to me, I have never felt like this with anyone before, your both beautiful and interesting, I love you, your so good at sex.Could go on but everyone might loose their breakfast.
Think I'm crazy for entertaining MT and thinking of getting out before I start to believe all he says and end up hurt, sex is good so I'm just going to focus on that for now.
Is it a good idea to date more than one person, I mean would I help to not get too sucked in with a man who may be playing me.

Gotta I very much doubt you did anything wrong! The problem With OTT people like MT, is that the behaviour is rarely sustainable and you can't be sure how genuine it is until much further down the line. I'm sorry you're not feeling great regarding your ex too, be kind to yourself.

Vintage sometimes chatting to someone totally different can be great and give an insight to another perspective of the world. Plus some natural spark, this sounds fun

Jesy I really wouldn't worry about that!

Dippin I don't naturally like to be wary but need to be. Would love to go into a new relationship with a trusting attitude. I do think MT is a flash in the pan, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but he's rushing ahead and is all about my looks. I get bad anxiety for a start and its worse in the beginning of a relationship.
He said a few things Sunday which gave me a glimpse of what I might not like in a man.

Super I hate it when they start to change the frequency of texting, MT did this yesterday. I was having a anxious day and it didn't help. Suppose to be meeting him for lunch Wed, and he suggested meeting his kids at the weekend.
MSBE needs to become more motivated I think. I like directness and hate hanging around waiting for a man to take the bull by the horns, I would loose interest fast with MSBE. But I am not very patient person, You have set it up for him to jump on the chance to spend time with you.

He tested this am saying hope I was ok but he confessed he love his now ex but has feelings for me .
That how it all started us talking about what he had.

I feel sorry for him in a away , she doesn't like to have sex more than once a week
Never cooks for him
He the one getting up to see to her baby

It could be a case of romatising what we had but we shared everything and ill always have some feeling for him but I also know he leing , cheating bull shitter, .

But life goes on

Chatted away to a bloke on fb today which was nice , think he a bit far away and young but sweet enough

Thanks Doc :) Have a son with some mental health problems, my reality is not neat at the moment. MT is too in the clouds and i don't know how genuine he is.

Super Based on what you said, I would be prepared to accept that MSBE is backing off. He sounds quite distant. I wish everyone could just be upfront so we'd all know where we stand!

Gotta Very few people have a 'neat' reality. A sound, genuine bloke is going to accept you and your DC for who you are, and will even want to help out and be supportive! MT does sound like his head is in the clouds, but it can't stay there forever!

Jesy I wish you would move on from these guys who have been disrespectful to you in the past. You will always have feelings for him if you allow this to keep happening and don't move on past it. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but I don't think you are helping yourself.

DocMT I suspect will be too needy to handle that my kids will come first and any man will need to be in line behind them. He's got two dc himself and I would respect him for putting his kids before romance.

Doc

He was my first for everything , on whole we had a good time.
If things had worked out , our baby would be two now x

Gotta As a non parent, if I was dating a parent and they didn't put their kids first, that would be enough to make me walk away. Any man should respect that you put your kids first, and want you to do so.

Jesy 99% of adults have a previous relationship in that category. You can choose to dwell forever, or you can choose to move on. It may be difficult, but it is a choice. One minute you call him a lying cheat, the next you put your rose tinted glasses back on. Most people in relationships 'have a good time on the whole', even if the OH is sometimes abusive/cheats/whatever. What % of the time is it ok to behave badly towards a partner?

Jesy Your situation with your ex would gave me in knots, if you could totally move on and stop contact, would you?
Its not a healthy situation, if I had a choice and didn't share dc with my ex. I would walk away and move on for my own self respect and mental wellbeing.