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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 84.

999 replies

MadeMan · 15/12/2014 17:36

Well, fancy seeing you here. Smile

OP posts:
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 22:21

Seems like some of you have been dating this turd.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 22:25

Luckily, Arnie grants Sully some payback.

OP posts:
Reallyme71 · 04/01/2015 22:29

In future if I try OLD again and someone says/messages something I wouldn't like to hear face to face, then that's it

Duh, must be tired tonight, that was what I was doing already, of course!

Anyway just wanted to add a disclaimer: I'm not talking about brutal honesty between friends, evenif they tell me something I don't like hearing Grin

RaspberryBeret34 · 04/01/2015 22:34

Dippin, I agree with Arrowminta, it's about finding the connection. I've had a couple of 3/4 month relationships and I reckon 9 weeks is around the time that things start to emerge that show if you can be with them longer term. I've felt it best just to end things when issues emerge as no point in "working" on a relationship of only weeks/months. Hope its just a blip for you.

Bah, I'm in horrible "is he flakey or is it all OK?" situation after only 3/4 weeks seeing someone who has a family issue going on just now and of course christmas etc doesn't help. I wouldn't normally be worried at this early point but I feel like my feelings have grown quicker than we know eachother :/. We last saw eachother NY day. We haven't had any contact today (have had contact most other days since meeting) and I'm unsure whether to text tomorrow and say I hope family sitch OK, how is he etc or leave it and see if he contacts me. Argh, hate the early stages!

Rioux · 04/01/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reallyme71 · 04/01/2015 22:53

Rioux Late night(s)? Something like that Wink

MadeMan Grin

RaspberryBeret34 · 04/01/2015 23:09

Ah, thanks Rioux - that's helpful to know I'm not being OTT. We only met on 9th Dec. I struggle sometimes to work out what is reasonable and what isn't. Especially because my previous bf texted endlessly and stayed over 3 nights a week from a month in (including every weekend) and I ended up feeling very overwhelmed by it and like I had no time to myself. I now feel like I should've been careful what I wished for!

I'd just rather get over him and move on now if he isn't fully interested rather than faff around. But if he is just dealing with family stuff and is interested, I'm happy to give it a chance... (obviously he doesn't have to be 100% about me in the longterm at this stage as I'm not about him but he needs to be appropriately sure for the time he has known me). I guess time will tell but I don't want to give him too much or get too much more emotionally involved.

MadeMan · 04/01/2015 23:17

Isn't that a Prince record; RaspberryBeret?

OP posts:
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 23:18

Oh, yes it is, just looked it up. Smile

OP posts:
Rioux · 04/01/2015 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinAndSonic · 05/01/2015 08:05

Yesterday I started chatting to a guy on POF who owns a business related to one of my interests. He has given me his number if i want to text him. He lives close (as in i may actually bump into him in the supermarket!).
Its been so long since I was single, and ive never done OLD before so Im not sure how the hell I go about this!

vintagecrap · 05/01/2015 08:25

Do you want to text him?

Texting can lead to many wasted hours, swapping messages where you dont really find out much about each other, and it can build a sense of 'knowing them' when you dont. Why not suggest to him a phone call?

Who was it who said about 9 weeks is the point where you sort of work out if you want to take things futher? I think its about then too, maybe 3 months, at that point people start to relax and be themselves rather than the best version of themselves.

Match is dire. I wont even be logging back on. Swapped a few messages with a guy last night and he says he wants to ask me some questions, so, i say fine. First question is what sort of dog i have. I reply. He comes back with ' Im glad you said that, i would have been really worried if you had said a staffy or lurcher'
I replied: ' why? surely you arent going to make an opinion on me based on a stereotype of a dog breed which mostly isnt true anyway'

He came back with that he was, but that it was nice to see a women with opinions.

I did not reply.

He came back a few hours later saying he had never been challenged like that before and cant believe he was challenged by a woman.

Jesus wept.

Honestly, i get far more shit on ' proper paid sites' where people think people would be serious about a relationship, than i do on the likes of tinder, where you both have to ' like' each other before you can chat.

dippinmytoe · 05/01/2015 08:53

vintage it's 9 weeks for me , maybe it's just the juggling young kids etc... my kid free weekend I see him but thats my 2 days used up then ! trying to meet midweek is a juggle with getting a baby sitter... I really like him..... but

RaspberryBeret34 · 05/01/2015 08:58

Yes it's a prince record, mademan :).

That's how I see it too, Rioux. I think I'm going to leave it till lunch and then text him just to say I hope all ok, how is back to work going etc.

Shame about match, vintage. I was on it never paid. I have paid for guardian soulmates for 3 months (paid on the day I met current guy on Pof so poss a total waste!!).

I'd text him, gin. Then text for a bit and maybe have a phone conv before you meet?

AndCatMakesThree · 05/01/2015 09:03

Reallyme, that's just horrible! I can't believe people act like that. Can you report him to the site? I don't like the thought of any woman meeting up with him - he sounds extrememly unpleasant and misogynistic.

I agree it's often about 9 weeks in that problems begin to come up, and I've had several relationships which have finished at about the 4 month stage, where the incompatibilities/issues/whatever become very obvious.

dippin it's so hard trying to date when you both have jobs and childcare issues, especially if you don't live close. It's one of the main reasons my last relationship broke up.

vintagecrap · 05/01/2015 09:05

If there is buts so soon in it doesn't bode hugely well, does it.

I do think you are right with the time scale. I've had a few 3/4 month things and the shine has probably come off about then and it's limped along for a while longer.

dippinmytoe · 05/01/2015 09:12

We live about 20 mins apart , I have 2 small children , he has none (not a problem for him ) he likes making plans for us in year ahead , I look at it in the day to day to see if we work.... I'm looking at summer hols , but not even contemplating him coming with me ! he works shifts , I work Mon to Fri , no finishing early or lunch breaks for me... so I can't just get away or meet him on way home from work. I have lots of friends who I like to socialise with ... It concerns me that he doesn't seem to go out with any mates in the time I've known him, he went out on Christmas works do , but that's it !
Do I end it , stay single as my life is pretty good right now even without a guy or do I see if it's just a blip and it's me getting used to a new relationship. I really can't face ol dating again

Blossomflowers · 05/01/2015 09:19

Morning all, back to normality then. Xmas holiday was spent with X so little time for dating. Still texting MR Lotus but not met up again, due to lack of transport and X I suppose. I really hope this time next year I will be with someone and have a proper relationship. I feel very deflated and sad [sad}. Am pretty back to square one again. I going to work on going NC with X this is doing me no good seem to living in Limbo.

GinAndSonic · 05/01/2015 09:52

I dont know what to say! I think chatting online / texting is much harder than chatting face to face when you dont know each other.
Will text him later on i think.

jesy · 05/01/2015 09:52

Vintage

I had same issue , convo was a bit like this

Is that a staffy on profile pic,

Yes it's dad's I said ,

Vicious things ain't they , glad it's your dad's

Me , I have a bigger staffs than that ,

Him bet you got a tattoo and drink alcohol pops

My reply , yes I do but I drink pints and bye you judgemental idiot

jesy · 05/01/2015 10:12

You ever wonder what do ppl want

Ok in last few weeks I've had I'm to lively
A date thought I'd be quiet
Judgemental comments , about dog, tattoo, work
He didn't want a relationship , just to shag in van and if can't accept that then good bye
He said I'd lied , erm no lol
Nearly for got being asked if I had bipolar

Why is it so difficult to get a decent person

Oh not to mention the sudden pervy dreams about my ex best mate lmao

Blossomflowers · 05/01/2015 10:29

jesy poor you you seem to attract weirdos.

jesy · 05/01/2015 10:35

Blossom

I'm not sure what's the oddest thing , the ppl I attract or my sudden attractions to my ex best mAte lol

Blossomflowers · 05/01/2015 10:57

ooh, is the best mate interested?

jesy · 05/01/2015 11:09

Blossom

I'm not sure , we get on great , when I was with my ex his mate was the nicest one out of the mates i.e. in behaviour to me .
In the summer when I was with Mr it , this guy was great was chatty , stopped some creepy guy communing on to me in the pub., we were all on a day out together.

I've chatted to my ex a lot this last week and jokingly said you'll have to set me up with one of your mates , he said he'd see what he can do lol

Luck in a e he prob taken lol