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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 84.

999 replies

MadeMan · 15/12/2014 17:36

Well, fancy seeing you here. Smile

OP posts:
PollyIndia · 04/01/2015 15:10

Rioux, I know how much I am comfortably with... I was idly wondering really. And I think vintagecrap is right when she says one (wo)man's innocent carry on flirting is another man's green light to jumping into bed!

Avocado green, a guy sending pictures of himself in bed would get a big NEXT from me too!

Original poster
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 15:12

"a guy sending pictures of himself in bed would get a big NEXT from me too!"

What, even if it was a cutsie photo of him curled up in a polar bear onesie eating an ice lolly?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 15:13

Cutesie, not cutsie.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadeMan · 04/01/2015 15:14

Actually it's cutesy. What's up with my spelling today?

OP posts:
avocadogreen · 04/01/2015 15:43

Mademan this bloke was anything but cutesie/cutesy/cutsie Grin But he was pretty hot and I was bored so we carried on texting for a while.. but definitely with no bed-related photos from me!!

PollyIndia · 04/01/2015 15:51

Jesus Christ, an even bigger NEXT with that!

jesy · 04/01/2015 16:24

Rioux

No date with dog guy , other potential has a daughter who he see every weekend can't see how I'd fit it in.

I just wanted a life

vintagecrap · 04/01/2015 17:09

I think sexting is a big no before a date, unless of course you are happy for it to a) just be sexting, or, a free wank service for the both of you b) just a one night stand.

I used to think it was fine and was just creating a bit of chemisty. I was wrong, benefits of experience i guess. My guage now is ' would they say this to my face the first time we met' if the answer to that is no, then i might say something if i liked them, or, just cut them off. I got quite fed up as being seen as a free porn service. Just because im single and on a dating website does not mean i am selling myself. it is not ebay.

i got caught out many times with the thinking it was flirty banter, so the ' would they say this to my face' thing is quite good.

As a personal thing, im not interested in someone straight out of a marriage. Yes, i understand there could be reasons why they are ready to date, but they are still likely to be sorting out the divorce and the stresses and upset over that and i just dont want to be part of that. I would also someone had re discovered themselves first, rather than was on the rebound.

HelenaDove · 04/01/2015 17:32

Someone i know was told by the man she had started to see that her texts had "grown cold" The bloke told her by text "i dont know why because ive done nothing wrong"

All she had done was stop sexting and started to talk about other stuff!

HanselandGretle · 04/01/2015 17:42

That's the problem with texts though, nothing to go on really and are so open to misinterpretation, especially if you don't know the person very well.

Have been chatting a little to a guy who has never been married, no kids, his longest relationship was only a few months, he's late thirties - he seems ok to chat to, seems the quiet retiring type (OD site) but what do people think? I just wonder why no proper relationships by that age?

vintagecrap · 04/01/2015 17:52

hansel, ive been caught out by that before too. ' Baggage' in your 30's and over is a good thing. Its normal and sign of a lived life. Im always wary of those with none, turns out as you get to know them there are usually a whole host of reasons why.

Just joined match on a free 3 day thing, part of a new years promotion... might be worth a look for others?

SuperFlyHigh · 04/01/2015 17:54

Hansel yes texts can be open to misinterpretation etc, I did say to the guy I'm seeing that I wanted to cool the sexting. He agreed.

The guy I'm seeing is 43, never been married, no kids either but his main reason is he was an alcoholic for most of his adult life (he's been dry 12 years now) so that's why he hasn't settled down. That's probably not the reason in your case but you never know.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/01/2015 17:57

vintage that's a bit unfair some people for whatever reason haven't met the right person!

In this man's case he's probably very shy which isn't a crime.

vintagecrap · 04/01/2015 18:03

or maybe avoid, first message from a 52 year old... which is older than my stepdad....

Docmartensanddungarees · 04/01/2015 18:05

Avocado that sounds great, I think sometimes if we haven't had a spark with someone for ages, it's easy to agree to second dates when we otherwise wouldn't. Sounds like you did the right thing!

Re sexting, I must admit if a lass starts trying that before meeting/talking on the phone, I do get a little suspicious and stop communication. It's not really my thing, I like to build up the tension slowly :)

vintagecrap · 04/01/2015 18:06

that might be true, probably is for some, usually isnt though.
But, its horses for courses, if you are a shy person too, then it will probably be fine. Im not shy, so we wouldnt get on.

Docmartensanddungarees · 04/01/2015 18:07

And as for Ms Accent, she's been a little flirty today so I haven't scared her off. Rioux I am not usually so brave and wait for the other person to make the first move. But I feel better for putting my cards on the table.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/01/2015 18:08

Actually I just remembered I did sexting with this man after we met up....eg after our 1st date. But hadn't kissed him yet.... So that's not so bad then?

Docmartensanddungarees · 04/01/2015 18:10

Vintage I'm 34, no real baggage. Too fussy, not scared of being single for a long time. I used to think no baggage was a good thing but recently have become aware that some people would take your view and assume I have issues or something.

HanselandGretle · 04/01/2015 18:14

I was a bit cheeky and asked him why no long relationships and he said after the one that lasted a few months he just wasn't that bothered about finding someone. He said he was happy doing other things and didn't really want a relationship and it just went on like this, until now.

Wrapdress · 04/01/2015 18:16

So, finally stepping my big toe in after joining Match in October. So, far I have just been collecting names, lots and lots of names - LOL - but not responding to anyone. Been emailing with a guy this weekend though, a writer, who likes British comedies and yoga. Divorced. Grown children. Will probably agree to go out with him. He has asked. Makes me nervous though.

NatalieHarding21 · 04/01/2015 18:22

Each relationship needs so much work and those that are long term need to be worked even harder, i am seeing too many marriages and partners falling by the wayside, it is shocking. Difficult to put a finger on the real cause but i do feel couples and their patience is being tested to breaking point and in the search for release we feel the solution might be in finding new partners, very cautious we must be,

Rioux · 04/01/2015 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Docmartensanddungarees · 04/01/2015 18:26

Rioux maybe you should take the advice of Lily Allen.. forget your balls and grow a pair of tits Wink

Rioux · 04/01/2015 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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