The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

They are :)

But everyone is entitled to date the way they want. I'm not interested in dating or dating for the sake of it. Pretty happy with my set up so only want to get off my bum and meet someone if there is a real chance there, rather than the chance of just a night out.

Charlotte, maybe that would have been a case that I'd you had had a phone call first you would have known amd not have wasted your time. .

I now have a phone call for Mondays date later. Going to be a bit sink or swim. .

Charlotterosea, absolutely sounds like a bit of a plum.
Anyone who gets passive aggressive that early is not worth any time.

I am sure phone calls are the way to do it to weed people out... But I think I'd be well nervous!

Reallyme71, what site were you on?

100% agree with vintage on only wanting to be arsed if you think there is something there. My time is precious too - literally. £5 an hour for my next for neighbour to babysit!

I could, and have, done 3 or 4 dates in a weekend. How ridiculous is that?
quite what i thought i would achieve i dont know.

But i have hobbies and other things i want to do, rather than spending endless, mostly shit hours, with some duffer from the internet.

I still want a relationship, Im still online, im just not doing the ' date' part in the same way as i was, or in the same way its advised that you do.

I think a phone call isnt that scary. It is awkward for a few minutes, but less awkward than meeting a wanker and not being able to leave.

I think i would have saved myself from some god awful dates had i insisted on phone call before we met.

Basically, thats my rule, no phone call. no date.
And no date if they are online ALOT.

Mind you, i dont get hardly many messages now, certainly not on POF. Tinder is more successful and oddly i get less sex talk, shit messages etc.

PollyIndia I was on POF and Oasis . Only had my profile up for a few days without a photo because I am not supposed to post images on line (because of my job). Sssh, but a couple of times I did make my profile picture public but very briefly. I got quite a lot of responses which surprised me and painstakingly replied to most messages once as a way of weeding out-obviously excluding the explicit or down right rude ones instantly etc... (obviously too much time on my hands over the holidays!!!) I didn't send any messages first though.

I 'talked' via messaging to three for a brief period of time days) and spoke to two on the phone briefly...one I thought was a bit strange even taking into account nerves and the other one I was instantly put off (bit too smooth for me) although I am sure someone else would find him lovely. It's just not for me at the moment (not sure it ever will be tbh)

Oh and I was nervous on the phone PollyIndia which is strange because sometimes I can just talk for hours if the conversation is right...

Met my first hurtful bstard of year chatted away then he showed true colours his words I want to have a relationship with someone I actually fancy
Well he wasn't good enough for me bloody w banker lol

But why bother chatting
He's actually called me ugly

Well hello prob find some bimbo

Hi - long time lurker here who hasnt posted as only just started dating again. Been seeing this guy for a few months and we were meant to meet up tonight and he has not contacted me. He has now texted and asked if I want to go over. I would but I think it will be a booty call. Looking at the bigger picture, am I right not to go??

hes only just text? i wouldnt.....

just had my phone call with mondays date... which i now will not be going on. Not for me at all.

I want to though! But, it will mean getting all done up...and really, it is just for the shag isnt it?

Pretty much, but it's up to you. If that's what you want then that's fine.
If you want more, then don't.

Hi everyone, I have lurked on this thread for a while now (back on thread no. 69 onwards!) but have finally decided to post.

I have had a bit of a hard time recently and worried that as I am currently feeling more vulnerable, I probably need others perspective on this situation.

I met a man, we will call him Mr Snowball, on POF. I was his first date since he separated from his wife 2 years ago. Their divorce is almost finalised. He is 12 years older than me.

We have met up about 7 times so far, mostly at my house for various reasons which I will go into in a moment. He seems very keen when I am with him, he took his profile off POF after our 2nd date as he said he had found what he was looking for. He was aware that I was only looking for casual dates, however I do really like him and he has changed my mind about this!

Now, the issue I have is that he appears very flaky. He does seem to have good valid excuses so I feel bad doubting him. Over 50% of our arranged meet ups have been either cancelled, or reduced to a couple of hours due to the following reasons:
Had to work late (he does shifts and is quite senior so I do believe him on this), met me at 10pm instead of arranged whole evening together, then his work called and he had to go back in- he hadn't finished some work so he could leave early- he left me by midnight.

He was meant to come over on Boxing Day, but his exes mum was ill so he had to keep his son all day (son is 15)- he managed to see me for an hour and a half as he took his son to the hospital which is by my house to see his nan and came to see me whilst his DS was there.

He has been away at friends for new year and was due back today. He said he was struggling with signal on his phone but had been messaging although not as frequently as usual. Which is fine.

We were meant to go out tonight- he text me yesterday evening saying he was very ill, suspected food poisoning and his son was writing the texts for him. Last message was at 7pm last night. I have text him today, and called several times but his phone is off. Now I was fully expecting tonight to be cancelled as he obviously wouldn't be feeling well still even if it was a 24 hour thing, let alone whether he would have made it back from his friends.

But I have been really anxious all day. I was expecting at least one text to confirm cancellation of plans, or to let me know how he is. Do you think I am overthinking this? Should I be worried in case he is really ill? What if he has been taken to hospital? The only contact I have for him is his mobile!

Quick update from me... met Ms Accent and I like her a lot. It's clear she just needs/wants time being single for now as she has not been single for any length of time as an adult and is finding her feet. I totally get this and think time being happy with oneself as a single person is a positive thing. I've been brave and said how I feel, that there are no expectations and that I'd like to keep on getting to know her. So we shall see what the future holds.

I'm enjoying the posts from Vintage. I was always a little uncomfortable with the sweet shop thing, though on the other hand I found that I didn't know if I really got on with someone until I met them in person. So I never came offline prior to a first date. But after the first date, if I liked someone I would be online to see if they were online.. angsty and not a good way to go about it! I'm glad to be having a break from it for now, I had been feeling so disillusioned. If things don't happen with Ms Accent I may go back to it but I'd so love not to!

Fluffy, sounds flakey to me. But again, it's up to you. I would probably step back and see what he does, that's usually very telling.

Mondays date? Well he phoned an hour after he said he would , and i think 930 is quite a late time to phone someone. Then it seems he has only been out of his marriage a few months. He is back living with his mother too. Other than that he didn't have much to say and I had to make a lot of the conversation. He obviously thought it was good though as he was asking about plans for Monday which I wouldn't commit too and then I got a text saying how nice it was to chat and he can't wait to meet me. So, I need to let him down gently.

Nothing else on the horizon. Not really fussed.

Had a text off my date from other night , I'm a great girl blah blah blah but he not up to dating at the moment.
I'm fine with that if it wasn't bull as he has a date with a girl he only just befriended on fb lol

Now till I saw that I had thought about not meeting a friend of his , we been chatting ages but as I'd gone on a date with his friend I thought best not to but sod it .
Not 100% sure I'm going to this open day yet but I've said ill text him if I do and we can try n meet.

Good god, correct decision made. I told him he said no worries but maybe I could call him sometime. All fine. .. never would, but fine.

Until he has just sent a series of photos of him and his daughter pulling faces and poses in a shop.

Why?

Is he trying the lure me back in by showing how ' zany ' he is.
Not working, I just think he is weird..

Reallyme, I can see I would be same - short sharp burst of activity then lose interest.
Vintage, living with his mother would put me off I think, though I guess a stopgap, but still, means he hasn't really moved on.
Docmartens, I think that sounds good enough - who knows when you first meet someone what will develop.
Fluffy I agree with vintage - step back, let him do a bit of the running. Then you will know.
I am chatting to a few interesting people - an actor and writer who has been in a few things on tv (I don't really watch it so never seen them), a northern Irish guy who works in pr, a guy who grew up in same town in Wales as me and knows a guy I went to school with and another guy who is a bit older and reckons he wants to buy a chateau in France so needs someone into interior decorating. Okayyyy then. I have already said I am rubbish at interior design.
I have also taken it to what's app with mr pr - he does seem reall funny. Quite flirty though... How flirty is bad news when you haven't met? We have said we will go for a drink this week but I think we need to chat on the phone first. EEK!
Jesy, if you like this guy, why not meet him?

Cross posted vintage. YES WEIRD!

Polly

I will if I can get to the open day .
I tend to go for younger guys and he same age as me.

Really weird.

Polly, sounds like some interesting people, definitely chat on television phone first. It can save so much time and effort.

Television phone? Is this some new fangled device I don't have?! Or do you mean Skype?
Jesy, maybe a guy of your age will be worth a go... What would stop you going to the open day?
I like the sound if the northern Irish guy. He is flirty but in a carry on way. He's been making me laugh this morning. I'll defo suggest a call. Though have gone a bit deaf at the moment! Not sure why..l hope ears pop soon!!

Polly

It's if I can borrow the money to get there

Bloody phone.

Auto correct.

Telephone call .

Though Skype can be a good idea I think, it's just maybe high risk of a cock being flashed.

Jesy, I tended to go for younger guys. I look a bit younger than I am. But, though I look younger I definitely am the age I am and the younger guys can't offer me what I want, other than being hot. I'd rather take a proper connection and balanced relationship over looks.

I'm quite young emotionally I guess ,and I've missed out on lots basically at 17 instead of going out I was looking after a house i.e. cooking , shopping ect life seemed to pass me buy.
Friends would be going out but I stayed home as money was tight .
When I went to college , never did fun stuff was to busy studying
Think most exciting thing I'd do was go cinema.

So dating younger men seems to have given me a bit of a glimpse of that life I missed out on.
I like going to a pub in town that has live bands, would love to go dancing ,
It sounds sulphur one of best nights I had last year was going for drinks, cheesy chips on bench, dancing in what I'd call an oap pub and playing on swings lol
I don't want t to be stuck in all the time.
And that why tend to go for younger