The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

SuperRioux It was evident on dtd first time that MT had issues with nerves and loosing his wood. He said he feels very comfortable with me and not nervous. It's not been like last man I dated who dtd then up and dressed. He's been very cuddly after and attentive, no rushing off.
Maybe I'm just paranoid because I don't just concentrate on looks, he's always on about mine.
Meeting Sunday, I will meet him at pub and not my house so no sparks start flying.

Wow, forgot that this thread moves on so fast...

Have now cancelled the date for Sunday with MrA. Seems I am just not ready for this yet. He is still messaging and we have spoken on the phone though and he was very nice about it. Also in touch with another but will just see how that goes for now...

Off to catch up with everyone's news...

We did go Xmas shopping, he was always stealing kisses and I felt a bit weird with showing affection in public. Not a teenager anymore, holding hands was nice and not shopping alone for a change.

Really Sometimes I don't feel ready, especially once I get in deeper with dating someone. Its all so very new and I think I had a better outlook at 18 than I do now.
Suppose the older I get the more panic I feel but I am glad I had dc young, if I wanted kids now I would feel a lot more pressure.
Did you like MrA ?

Yeah we going g for a birthday drink tomorrow, it won't be long as I need to get back for dogs

Rioux you said that so I didn't have to :) but really the vast majority of men in their 50s are not motivated by wanting to have children & most already have them & don't want more so maybe that's something for younger women wanting children to bear in mind...
I just can't imagine being with someone like a generation younger & close to my son's age - yuk! And there is no reason women shouldn't if men do...but to me age does matter in terms of shared cultural references etc

Hi everyone... I posted here a few times a year ago, met someone at a wedding in jan and we just broke up pre Xmas. He was lovely but just not sparky enough for me. I agonised over the decision but now it's done, I know it was right.
So I have joined guardian soulmates today - seems quite promising. Chatting to 4 men and just been liked by someone else who looks nice. I guess January is a fertile time. Also was messaged by someone who, when I told him my real name, said oh I know you, you know my ex wife... And I do! I said best to leave that one.
Any tips? I think the challenge will be turning nice email chats into something more. As a single mother with DS full time, how on earth do you find time to meet people and establish a connection? My babysitting exenditure will go through the roof, and I'll be rushing off at 1030! With my ex, we dtd the night we met (we were at a wedding so had been hanging out all day), so it was easier as had already done it so could progress quite quickly to him coming to mine for dinner. But think I'd be nervous about a guy off a dating website coming over until I really knew him...

Gotta I thought I did quite like him but a couple of things he said put me off him. Gah,this dating lark is a minefield!!

Jesy good luck it sounds promising.

I thought I did quite like him but a couple of things he said put me off him and I didn't mean this to sound as awful as it sounds. I am sure I said lots of things that put him off. I just can't shrug off this feeling that it isn't right at the moment.

Going to dip my toe back in, as I have a dare tomorrow and another one Monday.

Tomorrow's is with a middle manager with a stock car racing hobby. Mondays is with a mad inventor Who has been on grand designs and seems more than a little ex centric

Did he build a house on grand designs vintagecrap? That's very cool if so!

So I'm back into the world of old after a brief intense relationship which ended (twice) over the holidays. He was the only person I met in real life and he's a lot to live up to.
My question is, should I go on every date I'm asked on or be choosy right from the start? I'm talking to a guy who wants to meet but I don't find him attractive from his photos. He is also messaging a lot already and wants to swap numbers.

Be choosy.

But don't discount just on looks. Unless there is no way you would.
Some people don't photo well. Or are the type where they become attractive as their personality shines through. .

Mondays is a designer and restorer, so was working on a project. He seems frankly a bit nuts. Am sure it will be a fun date.

Well he's also said something about his ex which set alarm bells off - something about playing at her games or similar. Maybe I'll give this one a miss.
I'm comparing them all to Mr Perfect so maybe I'm not ready to date again yet.

Polly; It took you 11 months to decide it was not sparky enough for you? Why so long? For me it is very quick, no spark, move on. Had a few dates on Planet Romance, nothing came of it tho.

Really Its good that you know when to quit and listened to your instincts.
Guy I'm dating is either just a very nice man who's really into me, or a huge red flag.
Its funny how in movies romance is a man sweeping a woman off her feet and being charming, in real life this kind of man turns out to be the kind to promise you the world then disappear. I'm going on what I have read on MN, MT is coming on fast and strong with love and talk of getting the snip.
If he ends up being genuine I think it will be a surprise, so after advice and reading stories on MN. I am being very cautious, its not how I want to be but old is full of people still looking around and keeping a few hooked.

"Its funny how in movies romance is a man sweeping a woman off her feet and being charming"

Yeah, it's the movies that are to blame for all this romantic stuff. Even my mum used to say to me when I was young and liked a girl, that I should buy her something to show I liked her. So at a young age I was being conditioned by my mum into thinking that's what men do; basically to buy affection from a woman. Depressing really.

I think im going to join here, have joined POF. Chatting to a couple of guys, but ive not really been single for about 10 years so i feel a bit clueless. Any top tips for a newbie?

Albal14 well he was such a nice guy, we were into the same stuff (gigs, festivals etc) and the sex was good. However he didn't make me laugh enough and we didn't actually have an intellectual connection. But I kept hoping it would all click as he was so good in other ways. He loved me, wanted to move in and have a baby - it's hard to walk away from that. But my gut said it wasn't right so I had to end it.

I've just cancelled today's date.
The reason is just going to fly in the face of all 'dating advice'

We moved onto what's app a few days ago. Had a look when I woke up and he was on the dating site.

Experience has taught me that if they are online and not chatting to you so close to your date, then they are chatting or at least looking for other women. While the advice is thAt people can do what they want.... I have found if yoi are meeting people that are doing this they don't have really any interest in meeting you. Just in having a date. You just become one in the procession to tick off.
Date's that I have had that have turned into something it has been the case that they weren't talking to anyone else and we're a bit invested on me and meeting me..

I can't be bothered to waste my time being part of the sweet shop.

So I've just cancelled.

I'd rather clean my bathroom:)

Controversial.

I think that is fair enough vintagecrap. The sweetshop mentality is one of the reasons I am quite skeptical about online dating.

It's really going against the grain of all the touted dating advice though. .

I'm not staking a claim on someone after a few messages. .. its not about that.

It's more about recognising that someone isn't really that interested in 'me' and is instead just interested in ' dates'

After quite a bit of dating I have learnt that there is a massive difference between the two and is probably one of the reasons online dating is not that successful. .

I refuse to go on 50 or so more dates, wasting my time where I can't even be afforded the decency of being treated like a person rather than an option.

I'll end up going on far less dates, but that's fine with me.

Happy New Year everyone! I've been on a dating break over the holidays, but looking to get back out there soon.

I was interested to see that one of the reasons PollyIndia's last relationship didn't work out was due to a lack of intellectual connection. How would you define a good connection in this way?

Someone I find really interesting. I don't think it has to be both that and making me laugh but you have to have one or the other. And if I am honest, I had neither with my ex. But I'd been single for 3 years (and had a baby in the interim ), he was really nice and kind, we had friends in common and were sat next to each other at their wedding, and plus he made me feel really comfortable from the very beginning. But it never progressed beyond that. That feeling of being comfortable and unthreatened by someone never turned into a deep connection, and , if I am honest, I found him a bit boring. I thought it might be me which is why I persevered - thought maybe I was too independent to let him in. But I realised it wasn't. Well, it might be, but either way, he wasn't right for me. I didn't want to ignore my gut, press on, have a baby, and end up in an unhappy relationship.
Does that make any sense?

Vintagecrap, that makes total sense!