The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

Rioux, Blossom is it only me that is hoping that you hit it off really well on your mate date?

Rioux just curious now but can you share the reason why you can't OL date at the moment (feel free to PM if you prefer) because I'm wondering if it is the same reason as mine?

Having lived vicariously through some of the escapades on here to get some female perspective, I'm checking in to the thread as a way of prompting me into sorting out my own personal life.

I'm male, 35, and have lots of opportunities to meet women through work and volunteering, but haven't been in the right head space for a relationship for a while.

I tend to get a not so subtle hint every few months from a vaguely suitable acquaintance that they've become single and would appreciate an offer. This could mean I'm doing something right and am a reasonable catch, or just that the rest of the single men in this area are an even bigger disaster than me. There's an element of truth in both of these.

Anyway, I've signed-up to POF, but kept my profile private as I have a reasonably high-profile job and have no interest in my private life becoming public. I've seen a few that I'd be interested in having a drink with, but none that I've been bowled over by in terms of compatibility, so am concentrating on real life for now.

In the past month 2 friendly acquaintances have shown an interest (which they've had to make REALLY OBVIOUS as I'm such a disaster with women). I've known both for a few years, fancy both and have enough in common with both for it to be worth seeing what happens.

So the purpose of joining in this thread is for me to commit my thoughts to the page in an effort to reach the correct decision. Good luck everyone.

Hi all! I'm a regular name changer but have been on here in various disguises over the past couple of years. I've changed again for this post but regulars may clock me .

I've not been too active on the OLD front, as Tbh I've found it quite hard going compared to a couple of years ago ie too many time waster and cock shots .

However, I have always kept an eye on this thread to see how how people are getting on. Celebrating the highs and commiserating with the lows as we've all been there.

That said, I'm more than a bit concerned in what is going on at the mo.

This thread was set up as a support system for those going through what can only be said an eye opener into dating and a safe place to share experiences.

The "rules" were set up to protect people both men and women that use this thread.

It may be called the dating thread however seeing people targeting individuals makes me feel very uneasy especially when they then they post here referring to their private conversations.

So, basically, a reminder...

YOU DON'T DATE THE THREAD!

Because if you try to, many others inc
me will cry skeevy individual that has targeted a group of females. That you are not into OLD speak for it self !

Get yourself online and stop targeting this group!

Hi
Date up date.

Went really well I never shut up talking, met up at half two and I didn't get home till ten.

Went to a few nice pubs , and just chatted , did get a bit steamy towards end and lots of lovely kisses and cuddles.
Think I want I want to see him again but unsure of a couple of stupid things .

As for dog man he been on line but no word off him .

Is there a Dadsnet single women could join and get dates from :)

Jesy That sounds like a great date, are you going to see him again? Couple of stupid things?
I'm still dating Major Tom and there's still a couple of things I'm not sure of. But I am glad to get a break from old and I like MT a lot.

Gotta , rioux

He a lot older than I normally go for, plus he not that tall I know it's stupid but he was such a gentleman opened doors ,wouldn't let me pay made sure I got home ok just like he promised.

jesy your date sounds like it went well...but what made you feel unsure? Does he want to meet you again? Do you want to meet him again?

gotta how are things going with MT? Dadsnet seems a bit quiet at the moment

kua while I understand the sentiment of your post that this thread is basically a support thread, my personal experience of MN ( also a name changer) is that support is given in lots of ways. We are all grown ups and know not to give out any more information than we are comfortable with or meet up with random strangers...

I found support here (MN, not particularly this thread) when I needed it most. I have made some very good RL friends originally via PM, then by exchanging numbers and yes we meet up for coffee and a chat, visit each others homes despite the distance and enjoy lunches out. What is the difference except that this is a male asking for support and friendship?

Ok I crossed posted

Really
Think so he said next times we meet a couple of times during it.
I think the kissing ect went a bit far tho n now I feel a bit like I shouldn't have

Jesy hey no regrets!! It obviously felt right at that moment but and please don't take this the wrong way...
if you had visited several pubs was a lot of alcohol consumed? This has the habit of freeing up inhibitions and making things that seem good at the time, regrettable the next day. Enjoy it for the pleasant date it was and don't worry.

Happy Christmas all. Haven't been on here in ages, but I check in from time to time.

Yes, this has concerned me a bit too. The rules are there for two reasons - to help protect posters on here from the perils of online and real-world dating, and also to protect the Thread itself.

The reason for the 'No Dating the Thread' rule is that this place is part confessional, part entertainment, part support network. Everyone on here takes on the role of therapist (albeit in a very unprofessional way) and everyone, men and women, can talk about their situations without fear of being targeted or taken advantage of by other posters.

It's not breaking MN rules of conduct, but it makes other people feel uncomfortable, which may prevent them from posting because they might feel they'll be targeted by other posters on here.

I've met other people from here but in a large group. There are stories posted here and on other MN threads about predators, catfish, stalkers and other unsavoury types, and no, not everyone on here is au fait with protecting themselves - that's part of the reason why this thread exists, to be a safe place for people to learn and talk about their situations without feeling threatened. Some people feel uncomfortable with it, enough to speak up.

I've felt stalked before by women I've met in RL, and through OD. The last thing I wanted was to feel pressurised into meeting someone on here. I was one of the first male posters on here, about 70 or so threads ago, and some people were unsure as to my motives until we worked out those thread rules and people knew I wasn't going to take advantage. In the past, several men have popped up on here, posted a couple of times, then started PMing women in obviously vulnerable situations and asking them out for a drink. Hence the Rules.

So, to reiterate, Don't Date the Thread. Arrange a group meeting if you want to, they're really fun and nice, but not individual first meetings. Please.

Bant thank you for posting and explaining so clearly why other people may be feeling uncomfortable and why the rules were developed.None of us would want anyone to stop posting or feel uncomfortable ... I suppose with my own experiences I have been very lucky and met some great people.

Anyway back to the spirit of the thread...I arranged to meet Mr HT for a walk this afternoon. We have messaged back and to , exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone last night. I found out he literally lives around the corner, I am not sure if this is what has put me off...but I just texted him to cancel. I do have another reason, I have loads of plans for today and would really like that time for something else!

Which probably means I should get off MN

Understood, Rioux - but that's not the point. The rule isn't 'No dating the thread until you've posted X number of times', or 'No dating the thread unless you're actually a really nice person'

It's there to stop other people, current posters or potential posters, from being intimidated, and to protect everyone, including you.

I think it's a far better situation if there are no comments or accusations needing defence, because the rules weren't broken in the first place.

If you go for a date - even a friendly coffee date - with one poster, then another, and then some lurker who seems a bit odd pops up and says she wants to meet you, introduce you to her cats, and have your babies, then you'd probably say no.

Or what if some other guy who hasn't posted on here much before pops up and starts PMing other posters asking them for a drink - 'because Rioux had gone on dates therefore the rule was broken'.

I'm not accusing you of any underhand behaviour - I'm saying don't break the precedent because it opens the door to other people who will have more unsavoury motivations. It protects other people as well as you.

I know most people on here are grown ups and can look after themselves and can choose whether or not to meet someone else. Some people, however, are going through shitty situations and are vulnerable, and won't seek out support on here if they feel they're open to being taken advantage of. That's why the rule is there.

Really

Yeah we did , he did text me not long ago and said had a great night and hope I did to

Every e n if he don't want to see me again least I had a great night out and was treated well

Totally agree with Bant there, I think that rule is a good one to protect everyone on here.

Haven't posted for ages due to dating hiatus, but was a regular!

Havent you ever been out with anyone from here Bant?

I'm going to vary from the Rules and say if it's coffee then why not? Also in exceptional circumstances provided you're both upfront then why not date someone from the thread if you both go into it with eyes wide open?! But I generally would say don't do this.

jesy and gotta well jesy your date sounds good and definitely a starting point for something nice. gotta only you and MT know the score so as long as you feel happy and can take it as it is then that's good.

Me I'm now in the ridiculous position of getting texts from Mr Sexy Blue Eyes but also initiating them too which I didn't do before. I'm conscious I may have rushed things with sexting, DTD etc and I know from his starsign (do I believe that?!) he prefers mystery which I'm prob not good at. I'm almost at the point of liking him too much and wondering maybe I should end it if it means I get hurt again?

Maybe I should just date others again too.

Mr HT has responded with a very curt response, which I now feel terrible about. So really should not be arranging dates until I am more sure.
I am supposed to be meeting someone for a coffee on Sunday and looking forward to it though?? Yet he is very sporty and fit looking and I am short and overweight so I know he will be disappointed...

Dontcallmehon I remember your posts from when I was a long time lurker. How are you and are you dating at the moment?

Jesy it was good that he texted you, so another date could be on the horizon??

Super no advice as I'm such a complete novice but just wanted to respond and say trust your natual instinct.

'Been out with' in terms of a date? No. I've met a dozen or so people who used to be posters, in a big group. I've met a former poster for drinks recently, and we went out on a singles night together so we could be each others wingman. I met someone else last year and went to a party together.

I've never met anyone who was still posting on here. I've had several women from the Thread ask me on dates, some of whom were quite aggressive about it. And my saying 'no, you're not my type - I don't fancy you, you're obviously a raving lunatic' somehow caused offence early on, which is why the No Dating the Thread rule came about.

That said, I'm not really a regular poster on here anymore. What people do in their own personal lives is really none of my business. I just think this thread has been very helpful and supportive to lots of people and the rules have helped keep it like that, so if people object to the rules being broken, then they should stay unbroken.