The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

I couldn't possibly say on the public interweb. Let's just say I've been lucky enough to enjoy it with previous partners and he just didn't do it for me.

Ok ladies give it to me straight. I have a loosely arranged date with an old acquaintance.

He is always online on dating website.

Is it a simple case of he's just not that into you?

Delph such is modern dating - people may chat to & meet several people concurrently before deciding who they will have a relationship & be exclusive with...it is very weird compared to how we mostly started "going out" with someone but it is thus these days... a numbers game as many have said.

Yes it's totally foreign to me, been in a relationship for 15 years.

Just getting my head around it all.

Just wondered if I should just chill & go with the flow or if I am acting from a place of low self esteem by flogging a dead horse if you know what I mean.

Super
It's delayed but like we said we waited this long bit longer won't hurt x

I'm intrigued by the discussion about sex early on in a relationship. Maybe because I haven't slept with many people, but I always presumed that the first time would be awkward/not great because of nerves and not knowing what each other likes.
Daft question but are you responding to online messages today/tomorrow? A guy from Soulmates sent me a message late last night about meeting up but I wonder if replying today makes me look like I've got nothing better to do.

Morning All,
Oh I think I'm going to give up on this dating lark !
I'm so confused.
I went on a date Monday night ( had met for coffee on the Sunday got on really well).after our coffee date he bombarded me with texts tbh it got a bit much but I was flattered he was keen.
Date on Monday went well, I thought so anyway. We went for drinks, then we went back to his house had a few glasses of wine, a bit to eat chatted and had a bit of a snog. I was working the next day so got a taxi home. I got impression that he really liked me and fancied me, but he's not been in touch since, I'm really confused texted all the time on Sunday. :(

Delphine I wouldn't worry too much abut him being on a dating site. It appears fairly normal these days - I'm on a site too and I check messages even if I've seen someone for a few dates. It takes the pressure off both of you.

Dolly I also hadn't been with many men (still haven't). The first time has always been ok though - I think you know if it's just nerves and will get better if it's not fantastic. This was worse than just being a bit arkward and I couldn't see how it would get better.

Steel you could just drop him a friendly text asking how his christmas plans are going? But do not text him more than once without a reply! I'm now wary of men who text a lot before meeting - it builds it up too much beforehand.

"...but I wonder if replying today makes me look like I've got nothing better to do."

Replying on Christmas Eve suggests you've nothing better to do, Dolly; you might get away with it on a regular work day.

"but he's not been in touch since, I'm really confused texted all the time on Sunday. "

Most people are going to be busy over the next week, Steel. As Daters suggests, you could text him a christmas message and then leave it at that until after the weekend.

Don't be too gushing though like, "Hope to hear from you soon" just send a hope you have nice xmas type of thing.

Thanks Daters and MadeMan,
Daters, He texted loads after we met on Sunday, it did worry me a bit just a bit much.
MadeMan, I just don't know what to do, thing is I know he's not busy, he has finished work for the holidays and he isn't seeing his kids until Christmas morning and then only for an hour or so, then he has no other plans. I just find this blowing hot and cold thing strange. I like him but I wouldn't be upset or anything if he said he didn't want to see me again. Maybe I'm just a bad judge maybe he wasn't as keen as I thought. I might be a bit old fashioned but he could have sent a quick text to see if I'd got home OK

"I like him but I wouldn't be upset or anything if he said he didn't want to see me again."

Steel, obviously you're the best judge on how the two of you got on at the weekend (seems you got on ); we can only determine the situation from what you post. If you're not too fussed about him, but just want a bit of closure one way or the other then send him a light "Hiya, hope you have a great xmas and new year" type of text this evening (assuming you haven't heard from him by then) and see what happens. That way you've done your bit to move things along and it's now up to him; ball in his court.

If you haven't had a reply by the end of this weekend you can take it that he's probably not interested, but at least you should be able to get on with your xmas plans in the meantime.

Mademan, I was going to text but then I logged on to Match and he was online even though he said his subscription had ran out the other day. he must have renewed it. Thinking about it maybe he expected us to DTD when I went back to his, we had a snog and he did sorta joke about how comfy his bed was.
So I've decided I'm not getting in touch, his loss, I'm more of a catch than him ! Without being big headed, I'm better looking, chattier, I have a better job, car and house. so stuff him ! I know these things aren't important, well to me anyway but I'm just trying to look at the positive side of me as OLD really is doing no good for my confidence :(

Hi Steel

I second "stuff him"! I went through something similar recently. We went on a few dates, then nada! Maybe take a break for a while? I'm going to go back on in January sometime.

You're right Raspberry, I think I over react and over think things, but OLD makes me so unsure of myself. I had an experience a few months back I had dated a guy for a good few months he blew hot and cold. I kinda told him I wasn't interested we had a few issues too long to go into. He asked me for a 2nd chance and things got slightly better. Everything was going ok again he was keener than me, then bang no contact for over a week then text asking me to see him again, i didn't respond and I havent heard from him since so I obvs wasn't worth it. I have been very cautious since then. My subscription runs out in a few days I'm going to have a break too x

You're right Rioux, I don't know why I'm bothered I just keep thinking is this all there is
Anyway

Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow x

Glad you're not messaging him Steel. Dating is so hard - the fun side of it is brilliant but the guessing games and the blowing hot and cold is just torture. It gets me feeling like I did as a teenager, and not in a good way, in an insecure rubbish way!

Tortillas, I was just about to lift my phone to text him and say
"I know you're not interested and thats fine, but I hope you have a nice Christmas"
I'm still in two minds, part of me thinks if he doesn't answer thats that and I won't keep checking my phone. I know what you mean with the insecurities of teenger. I just want a drama free and happy relationship.
I think this time of year makes things worse, I think of my Ex H having a lovely time with his new family :(

Not Harsh Rioux thank you I just had a wee wobble and needed talked out of it . I think I should have asked Santa for a thicker skin xx

Merry Christmas to all hope your day is going well!

Mine was going great past few days great texting Mr Sexy Blue Eyes suddenly he brings up the topic of his ex and how he's over her but he's scared he will never feel for another like he did her. I think they were broke up a while 2 years but he only told me this briefly on Sunday so I think I misheard. She apparently was very jealous they even went for therapy but her way was right way she was like a hurt child at times but an angel at others acc to him.

What the heck do I do? Run away from him. I can't face more hurt. By the way I don't think he intended to bring her up it just cropped up. By text.

Rioux it's interesting to say you wanted a thicker skin! All too often men don't mention this and then we think they're cold hearted sods!