Help I don't know what to do��

[loganberry12]

Me & my husband are trying to get back together after 2 1/2 years separation. We have a 5 year old daughter & 19 year old son together. Problem I have is my older children from my first marriage don't like him & don't want us to get back together neither does my 19 year old his son. I feel like piggy in the middle they are basically asking me to choose. They were supposed to be spending Christmas with me but won't if he's there. I don't know if to just give up & not get back with him.

But OP the whole point is why the hell would you be with him? Can't you see how wrong that is. Is the only reason you are not with him because you are being a martyr to your children? Do you honestly think you and him is some great love - starcrossed who can't be together, etc.. I mean bloody hell - you seem to think this is Hollywood.

This abusive c word of a man threatened your son - and you still want him. Why is that. Do you really think this is all you deserve? Do you really think the pinnacle of your love life is going to be an abuser. Is this really what you aspire to. In the nicest possible way you need help because you clearly are not listening, you will go back to him and it feels like you are just paying lip service with your replies. You have to put a stop to it and you have to mean it. But above all you need to start being honest with yourself.

No, Logan, you wouldn't... because he's finally DUMPED YOU. It wasn't your doing at all and I don't believe for a minute that you'd make the choice for your children yourself. Deep down you will always know that. It can't be a comfortable place for you.

What is it going to take for you? Your older children actively made the decision for you when you were still ostensibly 'together'.

I'm very sorry to be so blunt with you because I can see that you are hurting BUT you're hurting for yourself, not your children and you're completely self-absorbed in your own pain. That's pathetic. You are paying 'lip service' here as Twinklebells said and you need to stop lying to yourself.

Be the best mother you can... you said that. Walk the walk. Your children need to know that THEY come first with you.

As i kind of asked before OP, why would you want to be with somebody who theatened your son? Where is your loyalty? I feel so so sorry for the poor kid.

Logan, I've "known" you for a long time on MN, I was on your original threads. I suggested that you reread them and you did.

You need to keep reading them, and also remind yourself that you have come a long way since then. We both have, although sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Sometimes I still feel like what happened to me happened yesterday but it was almost 3 years ago now.

I still get upset on the odd occasion but nothing can ever be as bad as it was those first few months. You know that, you know that it can never be that bad again.

People here may be coming across as harsh to you but they genuinely have you and your children's best interests at heart and don't want to see any of you get hurt again, physically or emotionally.

If you take control then you will feel better. It's a difficult time of year, but you have got your family and your little one and you will get through it. Make it the best that you can for her.

Thank you sky x

What are your plans for Christmas Day now Logan?

I'm spending Christmas Eve with all of my children & grandchildren & christmas day with my son & daughter who live with me at home. I might go to my sisters with the children in the evening

That sounds like a lovely day logan. I really hope you enjoy it because I think it will reinforce to you that you are doing the right thing by cutting him off.

Has he made any attempt to see his daughter yet?

No no attempt to see her

Then you can see how utterley vile this man is? It is more important to punish you then it is to make his child feel loved.

Now you can see how you and your children are better off without him?

Sadly yes doesn't stop me feeling like shit though

See, it's the wrong person feeling shit though isn't it? He should be the one feeling like that, not you. You still have your family.

Today I'm going to phone ML & arrange to take their Xmas cards & presents problem is xh lives with them & is not working ATM so will most likely be there, he will probably shut himself in his bedroom but as my DD will be with me she'll want to go up & see him not sure how to tackle this as he'll most likely lock the door & pretend he's asleep which is going to upset her

Second thoughts they are bound to come to me during Xmas to bring the children's presents I think I'll wait till then

Yes, stay away

Don't put your daughter through the experience of her father locking himself in his bedroom against her

Just let the contact with him fizzle out in the least dramatic fashion

Yes Anyfucker think that's the best thing to do under the circumstances

Tbh I've got more things to worry about ATM the fact that I've got £150 to do all my food shopping regular & christmas & also gas electric & petrol!!

Really looking forward to Christmas now turns out all my children & grandchildren will be visiting all 3 days over Christmas

Good going OP stay strong.

Great, that will help to distract you and your DD. :)

Such good news! You deserve a break from misery, eh? Wishing you the best for Christmas!

Thanks tipsy you to & to all of you merry Christmas & a very happy new year x

well done, I hope that you all have a lovely time :)

Thanks, Logan. I hope things pick up for you financially very soon.