Help I don't know what to do��

[loganberry12]

Me & my husband are trying to get back together after 2 1/2 years separation. We have a 5 year old daughter & 19 year old son together. Problem I have is my older children from my first marriage don't like him & don't want us to get back together neither does my 19 year old his son. I feel like piggy in the middle they are basically asking me to choose. They were supposed to be spending Christmas with me but won't if he's there. I don't know if to just give up & not get back with him.

My ex hasn't bothered with his children for 3 years. I have older teens. But do you know what, they don't give a stuff about him. Harsh maybe, but they see him for what he is. He was abusive while he was here, and after he went he continued that abuse by ignoring their calls, seeing them only on his terms and continuing to lie and bully them from afar. And a flaky man who won't put his kids first is not a good father. My children have shown me that they know what they deserve, and they have decided no relationship at all is preferable to a rubbish one.

Contact with a parent is not always in the best interests of the child, and using your daughter as a hook to get him to talk to you is just wrong on every level.

You cannot force him to be a good father, that responsibility lies with him. Playing cat and mouse like he is doing, he has got you right where he wants you. I guarantee he will be back in your bed before Christmas, threatening your son and ignoring your daughter.

Why haven't you reported his threats to the police and why haven't you contacted Women's Aid? You seem to think you are managing this and none of us understand. In your heart you know you will take him back again. Why are you ignoring all the advice you have been given here?

Logan, I take the risk of pushing you away with my harshness so kudos to you for taking it on the chin

You sound like a lovely person stuck in a very terrible rut. the thing is, it's not just about you. Your family are suffering because of this man. You are the grown up here and you need to act accordingly sweet heart.

Thank you for the virtual smack in the face wake up women" I'm listening honest

Some brilliant advice and 'wake up' messages here from Twinkle and AF, logan, please do realise that you're craving this man still and it's making you act in a way that will make you cringe later on. Ask yourself, at each neeful contact, whether it's really necessary or whether you are fulfilling a 'want' of your own.

He text me yesterday saying don't ever contact me again you've destroyed ME" then went on to text several other texts about him also said why did you post a birthday card through my door its unopened ( from our little girl) also said tell our daughter he died as he was going to kill himself!! What a self centred prick!

have you reported his suicide threat to the police? If not do so now. And do not under any circumstances reply to him.

No I haven't reported it twinkle because he's said it a few times before when he can't have things his way. He went on the text loads more wow is me texts after I didnt reply

you do need to report it - this is harassment. You have to stop him or he will continue and it will escalate. Call 101 and keep the texts to show the police.

I garentee he went & got stoned last night & is alive still today

He said he won't be seeing our daughter because it means seeing me

so why won't you report him? He has threatened your son, threatened suicide and is now harassing you. What does it have to take. Or are you getting yourself ready to take him back?

You need Women's Aid, the police and a lawyer. Why do you refuse to take action?

I'm just going to ignore him

Because all the time I'm contacting police lawyer etc he's still owning me

I can't afford a lawyer can't get legal aid

no I don't think so - he is in control and you are letting him bully you. Why should he get away with this? Surely you want to stop him?

Do u think this is bullying? I didn't see it like that just trying to get his own way

Yes of course I do. I am astounded you don't. He is a manipulative, abusive man. I am so sad you can't see it. Makes me wonder what makes you think you deserve this.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

www.onespace.org.uk/learning/

'Threatened suicide'? Such a drama - and all about him. You have 'destroyed' him - by stopping his violence, by sending a card...Me me me me me

What a man! What a fpathetic, whining, drug-taking () violent figure of a 'man'. Tell us again why you 'love' him?

Thank you for the freedom link I've just joined

You can do the programme in person via Women's Aid but the online course is also v useful. I found it invaluable. Quite an eye opener. Hope you do too.

Hi sweetie, it's ok for you to feel sad and lonely sometimes, that's what life is all about. We all need to feel a variety of emotions, both positive and negative. You sound lovely. Kind, nurturing, generous and loving. All fantastic traits to have UNLESS they cause you to be used by manipulative, self-centered fucktards! Be strong honey, live your life, enjoy your kids, be happy and STOP pandering to Mr Wankface! xxx

He has given you your "out"

Snatch his fucking hand off

he never wants to see you again ? Fabulous. Best christmas present he could ever give you, that is.

Not for our daughter though she is constantly asking why he hasn't been to see her

Have a good christmas with your kids. Your DH can wait till after christmas for you and him to talk about what is the long term plan for the two of you.

But Logan -that's up to him. Don't make excuses for him, you 'don't know'why he hasn't seem her. Repeat.
I know it's heartbreaking for you to see your child wanting to see him, and him not bothering, but it's better in the long run if you just don't try to fill that gap. Eventually she'll stop asking, and eventually will see him for what he is. That is not your doing -that's all him.