Can't believe it

[etatdechoc]

NC although I don't often post on MN (customary lurker). I have been married to my DH for a long time ... Things have been somewhat difficult between us since the arrival of our last DC (we have 3). No DTD for several years now due to prolonged night breastfeeding, DH's frequent business trips away, my work from home involving some late nights ... Anyway, I just went online to check our email account and saw a message coming in which immediately went to the Spam folder. Clicked on it and saw an XFlirt account with his photo, his work situation ... He has selected about 15 women as his favourite contacts, and asked for the private photo album of one of them. From the date, it was when he was away on his last business trip recently. I am completely numb and don't know what to do or say to him. I guess it is partly my fault as no intimacy for a long time now, I am just too tired and seem to have lost my desire in that area. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

OP, I'm a senior IT Manager with over 15 years experience in Internet and email security and what he told you did not happen

Please listen to this person.

Once again as much as low libidoed women try to make personal attacks, RIGHTLY OR WRONGLY, husbands who are no longer getting from wives who no longer want intimacy have a high possibility of searching for it elsewhere. Now deal with that instead of trying to mug people who've made legitimate posts off. We are all ENTITLED to our views. I'm in full support of OP, but you have to be realistic in life. Incompatibility is a bitch but it happens and it's all down to communication.

Well done Branleuse and Pinklady

Well done Branleuse and Pinklady! Realists!

Well I'm ENTITLED to be so entitled as as to have an opinion too :stamps feet: and in MY OPINION anything other than a variation on the quote below implies that a person is a bit hard of thinking

It might be a joint responsibility that your relationship has broken down.
But him cheating with other women (that's what this is, and quite possibly physically is too) as a response is ALL HIS FAULT.

Painful discovery to have made. He is a cheater and there is NO excuse for it as he is hurting you and being secretive. Potential STD etc You must feel hurt and confused.

Do you feel you can forgive him?

You're hard of thinking, if you think you can impose celibacy on a man who wants sex and just takes it as a given that he will have to just put up and shut up with the imposed celibacy. Course they shouldn't cheat. I've said that this should have been communicated. He should have said that they were incompatible and went to find a woman with more compatibility or found a compromise. We can all stamp our feet but unfortunately this is the reality of what can happen. If you can can only answer with personal digs and name calling, it shows that you cannot argue with the reality of what some men will do. It is what it is!

Say, you have shown yourself in these posts to be the complete opposite of a woman's woman.

OP, the smokescreen about 'hackers' is just that. surely on a work laptop he would connect via VPN and would therefore have a secure connection wherever he is?

my exH, an IT Manager of some fifteen years standing, panicked when his new (still secret) girlfriend tried to add me on Facebook not once, but twice. apparently, there was a Facebook 'virus' that randomly sent me a friend request from his new girlfriend. twice. we appeared to be the only two people on Facebook who were affected. this was because it was all a big fat fucking lie.

OP. i'm sorry. he has set up this account himself - the profile picture and password alone speak to this. he is now panicking and hoping to baffle you with bullshit.

withdraw and regroup. with your objective head on. so sorry this is happening to you.

Say, are you a jealous dinner lady ? Sorry couldn't resist.

OP... I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

As a woman who also works away from home a lot, spending a significant amount of time in hotels, I can tell you that your husbands statement of 'WIFI access meant the firewall wasn't operational' is complete rubbish. I'm on my work network whenever there is WIFI access, that's what it does. Whatever I do, wherever I go, the firewall is on my laptop, not just on the network.

Your husband's equipment would be similarly protected from hacking.

Can the infighters please do the OP the courtesy of taking their debate and oneupmanship to PMs please instead of making this thread about them. You've made your points well but the OP doesn't deserve her thread tone ruined by squabbling

Why's that Drumdrum because I don't pander and am a realist? So easy to be angry at me, rather than deal with the reality that lots of men will seek out sex with others if they're wives no longer want intimacy. OP he has done this, don't let him bullshit you. Communicate and see whether you can get things back on track or let it go because he will keep doing this if he quashes his sexual needs, when he doesn't really want to.

Haha so you think you're a monstermunter! Says it all!

Joys mum sorry you are right xxx

Say, you're repeating yourself again and again. Joysmum has suggested that this goes to PMs rather than jibing on the OP's thread. It's a good suggestion.

OP. hope you find some support and clarity about how to move forward.

Off to PMs ladies

It's an emotive subject I know but this isn't helping to OP

OP I hope you don't buy your DHs bullshit please. I wish you all the support you need but please don't let him fool you.