Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

broken thanks for asking and it went ok but they're interviewing more next Thurs so I won't know until this time next week Arghhh!! Trying not to replay the interview repeatedly in my head with all the - 'oh sh*t I should have said that' bits added in to make me feel worse Happy to hear you friend is being so supportive and good on you for starting to share. Brave stuff

Hope you get the job Lucy! Broken your friend's response made me feel a bit emotional too.That is what we all are - awesome and really rare in a cool way.Love that idea.

Thanks, am feeling better about the work do. It is just going to be tedious. I really like some of my colleagues obviously, just there is a bit of a troublemaker who likes to shit stir. I will order a non-diet softdrink for my own treat and scarper as soon as I can.

I love Real Housewives...

Well it all went horribly wrong. I did think about not posting any more but I think it will be more helpful both to me, and to others if I share and carry on.

I had it all set in my mind how I was going to play the works do.I made sure I would arrive early so I could get my own soft drink. However, two things happened, first, one of my colleagues had arrived even earlier and bought a bottle of champagne, and as I walked into the restaurant he poured me a glass and handed it to me saying "Thanks for being such a great boss, Merry Christmas". Also, he told me that the team member I hate wasn't coming.

I felt so relieved that the nasty bloke wasn't coming, and I didn't really know how to get out of the champagne without looking really ungracious and rude. I know it's all a pathetic excuse.

So, I drank. I left before everyone else, which is usual because I am the boss and I think it's nice to leave the team some time without me so that can talk more freely. I am only slightly hungover, but I don't feel great.

I think I am going to have to "come out" as not drinking rather than trying to abstain by stealth if you see what I mean?

So I still don't want to drink. I am back on the wagon. I guess I have to see it as a blip on my journey and try to learn from it.

Good luck with the job lucy it's hilarious replaying the interviews in your head isn't it!!

littleleftie I think you did a great job in a difficult situation and I'd have probably done the same tbh. A blip it is and on we go :)
Cornchips Thanks and good plan for your tedious work do. That's how I'd feel about it too.
Urgh - I've got 6 more bloody days of this before I'm put out of my misery. This would have been a bonafide reason to get a session on in the past but not now as we're 'awesome and really rare in a cool way'
Off to check out the Alcohol Support topic :)

Lucy - hope you get some good news from the interview!

Littleleftie. well done you for coming right back here and saying you slipped - but getting right back on it.
I can't remember how early you are in your sobriety but I really didn't go to anything at all for the first 3-4 weeks. I genuinely think that barring one's own wedding there are very few social events we REALLY REALLY have to attend if we get right down to it. Sounds like you are already thinking of what you can do differently the next time.

Brokeneggshells - what a lovely friend! The thing is, in coming out to people (doesn't have to be the whole truth) we solidify our sobriety I think. I'm glad he was so supportive.

I have a really big challenge tonight. My biggest night out of the year with large group of my oldest friends. Normally involves 5am finishes lots of booze and some drugs. Am actually perversely looking forward to doing it all sober. Chatting properly and dancing. But I will be like Cinderella and slip off much earlier than others. And we have a really busy day on Sunday so will be great not being hungover.

Have a good Saturday all.

Haggis Good luck and you'll be grand :) I'd be up for the challenge too!

Thanks so much for the support - I had been four weeks completely alcohol free. I even avoided tiramisu

I am cross with myself and as the day has gone on I feel more and more like shit (physically hungover I mean) which helps in a way as it reminds me why I wanted to quit. I just do not want to feel like this any more.

Have a lovely weekend everyone and best of luck to everyone else who has a Christmas do to get through sober.

I think the fact you are cross with yourself, held up your hands to it and you are trying again straight away says a lot leftie. Shows it is something you really want to do so well done

All fingers crossed for you Lucy, so hard not to do the 'post mortems' as my dm calls them after interviews but its done now. Like when you run an argument through your head later and think of witty or pithy replies hours after the event.

Best of luck for tonight Corn and Haggis. I think you're right haggis, it is strengthening my resolve as by not saying last time I had a kind of get out clause by keeping it a secret.

How was your night out last night Sydney?

Hi All

Last night went ok, I had a nice time, despite the odd 'alcoholic' snide aside from my friend. I am always steeling myself for it but it still stings when it comes. I know in my heart of hearts that she is wrapped up in her own dramas and is possibly anxious about her own consumption but still. I just wish she'd keep her disappointment in me to herself.

Best of luck tonight Corn and Haggis. At least you'll be able to talk like a rational person and remember what you said tomorrow!

Something else I thought of last night - don't go out with an empty stomach. Even if you're going out to dinner I think it's a good idea not to be hungry as it adds to the feeling of 'I need something' and I think it can be a trigger to drink.

Leftie'poor you I bet you feel rotten. I lapsed one week in to my sobriety and felt beyond shamed the next day. That's when I started writing down just how shit I felt. It helped to re-read it in the next few days when I was tempted to just have 'one drink'. And now I hardly ever need to look at it, but I'm still glad that journal's there.

Waves to everyone else.

Hey sydney hey everyone.

I am back too, was a late afternoon do.

Am all over the place in my head. Will write more later. :) Am fine though.

Good on you sydney what do you mean you got 'alcoholic' snide remarks. IMO, the only people who get narky about you not drinking are those who have drinking issues and are indeed worried about their own consumption.

Leftie

I will write more later- have bed and bathtime and a cup of tea in my future.

Well done Corn!

Hope everyone else's Saturday night's going well. I've made myself a lime and ginger drink with fizzy Badoit water and it's lush. I was a cocktail bartender in a previous life, which possibly explains a lot....

Although I've told pretty much everyone I see socially that I'm no longer drinking alcohol, and when they ask why I'm honest in my responses, I've never actually used the word alcoholic to describe myself. I am aware to many people this may sound like denial, and maybe it is, but for me it feels wrong to identify as an alcoholic 100%. I am working through my self-destructive patterns as I go and I prefer to think of myself as someone who doesn't drink, just like I'm someone who doesn't smoke. I quit smoking over a decade ago (using Allen Carr books) and I can see so many parallels with the process of quitting drinking. No one has asked me directly if I'm an alcoholic, and this one friend and her husband stand out amongst my friends because they always mention it.

Last night it was:

Me (to waitress): can I have a ginger ale and lime in a large wine glass please?

Her: oh my god you can't ask for that she'll think you're an alcoholic (shocked tones)!

Me: So? She works in a bar, I'm sure she meets enough of them every day.

So I didn't confirm or deny. But I still felt a bit shit. And she has said many worse things, such as 'I just wish you would have just the odd one, now and again' or 'I'd just think everything was so boring if I didn't drink' etc etc

Deep breaths required all round. But she's otherwise a decent human being, I used to love spending time with her and as most of the time it's daytime stuff with our kids it really shouldn't matter.

Sorry for rambling. Must get on with Christmas cards,

at describing a drink as lush on this thread! How very Freudian. Sorry!

Big pat on the back corn hope you enjoyedyourslf.

I could be reading it wrong Sydney but she sounds a little bit concerned with how your drinking (and what other think) will affect her mainly? I think it is a quite natural when someone is going through a lifetstyle change to wonder how it will affect you and how you relate to that person. Maybe a bit thoughtless saying about it being boring or just having the one but I think people who haven't been through it just dont 'get it' and how comments like that can trigger off that internal dialogue or make you feel worse. Would you be able to spell it out to her how it makes you feel when she says things like that, I mean are you close enough for that?

I haven't actually come out and said the words 'alcoholic' myself to the very few people I've told. I've gone with it was making me miserable and I was drinking for the wrongs reason so decided to nip it in the bud. What you choose to tell people is your decision.

Well done anyway, enjoy your drink. Used to work in bars myself. Did a stint abroad and the owner said to me on the first night 'you want a drink, you help yourself' Poor man I probably drank any profits he would have made!

I like your 'So?' response though! tbh, if she thinks things would be boring if she did not drink is exactly how I used to think, and while I was so so wrong it does hint at an unhealthy relationship in my opinion. She may well be afraid to lose her drinking buddy too, as broken says. She may even think you might be judging her for drinking now you don't - even though you are not.

I am going to try ginger ale and lime. That sounds really good. I like Belvoir ginger cordial with ginger ale, a squeeze of lime and some fresh mint. Also have a thing for Fentimans rose lemonade.... but it's expensive.

My 'do' Well i arrived early and ordered myself pineapple juice and lemonade. Everyone was late, and got stuck in, so I had a sadnwich and chattered and left early. I felt fine, absolutely fine. The shit stirrer was not stirring, and we actually had a good and interesting chat about her various hobbies. I left after an hour and a half, and went home feeling proud.

Problem was that I then spent the evening climbing the walls in a way i have not since the early days. I had all my energy focused on the party that I had nothing left for afterwards. I was pacing the house, shitty with everything, impatient, frustrated 'why can't I be normal???' DH was drinking mulled wine and I had several sips of it. Then I as a result HATED myself.

I am fine now. Ready to re-face the day. Feeling good and strong. But annoyed with myself too.

Must dash... DS is wailing...... good happy sober days everyone. :)

Agree with others, people that feel the need to comment on your drinking usually have issues with their own drinking. l did find that the longer into my sobriety the more my confidence grew to say f**k em, whats it got to do with you?
Still enjoying working at the bar won a bottle of wine in the raffle last night..yay
First thought syndrome, take it, drink it, no one will know..where did that come from???? 2nd thought, take it, give as a Christmas pressy, then fear, don't want it in my home.Gave it away to other barmaid, relief. The madness of alcoholic thinking...
Haven't been invited on the works Christmas do, been rota d on to work.Relieved to be honest, haven't seen one of them not pissed after 10pm on a Saturday night yet, definitely wouldn't wsnt to go out with them socially maybe I'm just gettjng to be a boribg old fart

Thanks everyone. And I agree it is more about how she feels about herself and the impact of my choices on her social life. Especially agree about the judging thing, I'm very clear I'm only passing judgement on my own behaviour and taking the steps I need to have a happier and healthier life, but even so I think many people do feel that equals a judgement of their habits and behaviour. I guess that's what happens when you deviate from perceived norms.

Love the idea we are Rare and Unusual in a Cool Way may have to get mugs printed! Stayingdry I forgot you work in a bar you are amazing. I think the alcoholic thinking is a bitch isn't it? I also think it pops up because of the constant exposure to alcohol in the media and culture, which is extra strong at this time of year, especially for you.

Same for you in a way Corn. Try not to beat yourself up, you just spent an afternoon in a booze soaked environment which is specifically designed by drinks and ad companies to get us to drink and spend. So even though you resisted at the party, all that conditioning was waiting to pounce once your guard was down. Today is a new day. One day at a time.

How's everyone else? I've been re-reading Tortoise's blog posts they are great, yours too Lucy

Sydney I completely agree in your self-description. I am a smoker who now chooses not to smoke and the same with drinking. As for your friend? Hmm - that is her issue not yours, but I know how crap it feels as I've experienced the same thing from friends and it made me very sad at the time. Thanks for the kind words about my blog too :)
Corn well done! What you described afterwards I recognise and call an emotional hangover, that slump in mood after a testing event. I usually have a treat lined up for myself afterwards now to try and save myself the grief. Be kind and treat yourself today! :)
stayingdry great 3rd thought on that bottle of wine - I did the same thing yesterday too Crazy making thinking!!

I totàlly get that restless, impatient feeling after corn. I was excatly the same after my night out, probably not helped by the umpteen cups of coffee I drank whilst out. Ill try what Lucy said next week and think of a treat for myself after.

Not much help stayingdry but I find it kind of reassuring that you have those initial drink it and no one will know thoughts. That's exactly what runs through my head sometimes. Its a bugger. Fantastic that relief when its no longer in your possession, well done.

Off to take the dc out for a long walk in the cold and try and burn off some of their energy so they stop fighting. Happy sober Sunday everyone.

Morning everyone.

sydney - your friend sounds Highly Annoying. I bet it was the fact you asked for it in a wine glass that made her say that, as though she couldn't bear the fact you were so brazenly asking for exactly what you wanted, rather than shuffling about in an embarrassed way, mumbling that you'd like a LOSER'S alcohol free beverage. You sound very aware of what's going on, which is good. But I wish these things didn't happen, because I think it makes us less forthcoming about attending social occasions.

Corn - sorry to hear you were pacing around. I'm feeling similarly at the moment, not quite sure what to do with myself. When I think about going out, I just don't really want to do it. Not because I can't face the prospect of being around drinkers... but, I don't know, I think I'm turning into a bit of a hermit . I must sort it out. I have had a child-free weekend and have done very little apart from sort out the DCs birthday and Christmas presents.

Just a word of warning re. mulled wine. I was chatting to an old-timer on Soberistas recently and she said that a few people last year were discussing mulled wine and whether it was 'safe' to drink because it's not something you drink to get drunk. I have to say, my instinct would be to not touch it with a barge pole - I HAVE drunk it to get drunk in the past (for my sins). Apparently a couple of people went ahead and decided to drink it, and it completely derailed them. I think you should congratulate yourself on only having a bit, but spend today focusing on how pointless 'a few sips' are - all it does is bring back the booze chatter "shall I have another sip? should I have had that sip? where will this all lead? what am I doing?" why can't I be normal? it's all so unfair..." etc etc. It's the constant white noise in my head that I hated, along with everything else of course. Being AF is freedom from that hideous chatter.

Happy Sober Sunday everyone :)

Eggshells It really works for me in terms of getting through an event too. I know I have something to look forward to so I feel less denied :)
Teapot mulled wine is still wine so why would it be safe to drink?? The 'you don't drink it to get drunk' sounds like a bonkers argument. Hell like you in the past I would try bloody hard to get pissed on it! Sorry to hear you're pacing - this is a difficult time of year not to be a drinker and being a hermit in December sounds to me like it is no bad thing!!

Agreed with the thinking of the mulled wine being ok as madness but I know personally Ive tried to get pissed on it and far worse before.

Just back from Tesco with df and he wanted to pick up some beer from the alcohol aisle. They are doing mulitpack offers of 45 beers for 24 quid!! Am actually a bit raging as where are those massive savings on things that are, I dunno, good for us? Cant help but see it in a new light that it is massively irresponsible. I know for problem drinkers price isnt going to put us off but is any wonder alcohol's becoming normalised and an insidious problem in our culture.

Hi everyone,
Hope everyone had a great day. :)
Great idea about lining up a treat after a testing event Lucy. I will do that next time for sure. I have been feeling good today.... but a slip really sets me back emotionally and I spent a fair amount of time this morning pondering a post-church sherry. (I don't even like sherry. Nor did I attend church.)
So a few wibbles today but generally okay and I am so pleased to be alcohol-free today. I like myself so much more without alcohol.

I agree about avoiding mulled wine.... lordy, that would be a slippery slope for me to start thinking that it's 'okay'.

How is everybody doing?

Well done CornChips. Good to hear you sounding Chipper today. (Do you see what I did there?)

I'm starting to get ridiculously excited about my DTs birthday next weekend. Now THAT'S a social highlight for me these days!

Morning all! [waves]

Hope everyone has a wonderful day and week!

xx