Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

It is ok to feel sadness and bit wistful about leaving a part of your life behind Teapot, perfectly natural. As for dating - well I was sober at the early part of my last relationship and it's not a bad thing. You are more aware if there's a spark, not likely to rush into things and know truly if they are right or wrong for you. I don't know about you but I've made some really bad decisions with regards to relationships when a lot of alcohol is involved. I've settled with people that I shouldn't have because alcohol has numbed the personality traits and idiosyncrasies that I would have found irritating beyond belief without being drunk. I know when I do go back to dating again I would now prefer to date someone who drinks very little.

Agree gladistopped, I love the serenity that not drinking at all brings. That freedom from the internal chatter in my brain about should I drink, how much should I drink, the hangovers and regrets the next day.

Another one with a good night last night -with water! A entirely new experience for me as I have been avoiding social situations in bars. Great nights sleep and no what did I say last night thoughts this morning.

Thanks both. I'm glad I posted. For some reason I almost didn't want to talk it but I had felt so wobbly on the way home and this morning.

You are of course both right, and it's interesting to read my post juxtaposed against yours Lucy re. experiences of nights out. I've certainly had those nights like yours you mention, and have been internally horrified to think that the wasted woman talking too loudly and annoyingly, whose inane chatter most people are just humouring, used to possibly be me.

There is something peculiarly difficult about this friend. He also started talking about carrying the evening on with a line or ten back at his. I think part of it is that he has never married or had children, he lives a glamorous life (certainly from the outside looking in, I'm sure it's also quite lonely - he's never really had a long-term relationship) that involves shopping for very expensive clothes and artwork, going on long expensive holidays, and working in the media (which is how we met each other). Thinking about it all more this morning, I think that old life is the very reason I drank more than I should when part of it. I didn't feel comfortable, I didn't feel as though I fitted in. I certainly wouldn't have these wobbly feelings around other friends.

I was reminded while reading your post broken of the old trick about 'playing the tape to the end'. Had I had a drink last night, I would have ended up staying over at his, and been comatose this morning. I would have had to travel back across London feeling like shit and regretting it all enormously. Thanks also for your thoughts about dating, you are right on all fronts and I have definitely ended up in bad relationships all started with too much alcohol blurring the reality. I totally agree that I want someone who drinks very little when I finally dip my toe into the murky waters, although worry about fishing from an even smaller pool by making that a requirement!

Glad you both had good sober evenings out, it's so reaffirming to have those experiences :)

PS Lucy you're so right about driving. I had decided that parking would be too expensive, but didn't research it and in the end spent £35 on taxis!

Teapot we parked for free when we went out - on a street right next to The Pillar of Hercules (an old haunt of ours!) No one drives so there is loads of spaces come evening time and no parking tickets or restrictions are in force come that time so you're safe from the traffic wardens and congestion charging! And you can leave whenever you want!

Ah Teapot I think part of the problem is that we (I) load alcohol with so many associations and wistfulness is natural. But as you say feeling better today & having clear insight into a situation makes it worth it I hope?
Well the wedding went well & I surprised myself by managing to talk to lots of people and have some really good conversations. I didn't dance though - didn't feel brave enough!
I did have a tiny glass of fizz to toast the bride & groom, so I guess not totally AFbut surprisingly didn't want any more and unlike last night didn't feel that resentment either. Now tucked up in my bed and grateful I won't feel like crap at work on & don't have that feeling I have embarrassed DH

teapotim with you on the socialising without drinking, everyone seems to be soooo happy to be sober, I'm doing okay, af for 4 weekish (I think...haven't been counting TBH) but feel my life is a bit bleaker and going out...what's the point hopefully we will feel differently in a year or two, just wanted to let you know your not alone!

Well am off to bed having had another day of being sober:) Sunday was always a trigger point, what with the roast and then watching TV. Still had roast and TV but drank loads of fizzy water and did my nails so I was distracted.

Teapot I associate alcohol with good times and celebrations as well - so feel a bit wistful at planning not to drink at them in the future - but I would rather not, than drink and start up again like I was before.

glad - Well done for getting through Sunday without a drink. You're breaking associations at the moment but soon it'll seem normal :) The weirdest 'sober' time I've had so far was actually after I'd had a very triumphant day in court. To come home so full of adrenaline, and having had a good outcome - ie. a mixture of relief and happiness - and NOT have a drink... felt so so weird. I ended up having to pace around the kitchen for a couple of hours talking non-stop rather than what I would have done, which would have been to sink into a "celebratory" bottle of wine (or two). I was two months AF then, but still think that would be difficult now, although of course the reality is that when big things happen, we have big feelings to deal with. Alcohol never makes those things better, tempting though it is to press 'pause' on the whirlwind going on in our heads.

Sometimes - well done on surviving the wedding - a sober 'first' to tick off your list! I have my first wedding coming up in May, I'm actually really looking forward to doing it sober because I've had far too many wedding experiences which have ended with me drinking too much It'll be me and my two (very excited - it's their first wedding) 5yr old DDs. I've already bought them adorable outfits, just me to think about now.

chocolate - I'm alright in most situations but for some reason that particular friend/association is a real trigger for me. I think I need to avoid him/it for now, or limit it to daytime meets or something. I remember clearly having those thoughts though - "What's the point in going out?" - so you're not alone there. I'm nearly 7 months sober now and it's not as though life is 100% amazing, it's still the same life I had before and I'm still the same person. But there's a distinct lack of shame and remorse and self-flagellation, and for the first time ever I feel as though I'm going to be able to make proper long-lasting change to my life. Overall I'm VERY glad I've made this decision to stop. :)

Lucy - yes I think I'll definitely look more into it for next time. We were meeting quite early (5.30pm) so I was worried there would still be restrictions. Btw, shall we look into going to the March Morning Glory then? :)

Teapot Ah yes restrictions would still have been in force - Bugger. Ah well if you are planning on avoiding him and there for a bit then not a problem!
March Morning Glory sounds fab! Will need to dance off adrenaline from completing uni assignment!!
Welcome too to chocolatefingersandtoes! :)

Hi everyone and welcome Sunny and Glad.

Ha just realised those names together look great! Like how we almost always feel now we're sober!

Right, loads been going on I see but I want to post for Teapot first. I feel your pain. Not sure if you remember but I first revved up the courage to post on here after a similar uncomfortable time with a friend who openly objected to my new alcohol free state. I'm now nearly a year sober and went out with her last week - she made the exact same stupid remarks about my drinks choice she did all those months ago. The same phrases and everything.

It's not us Teapot. It's them. Our choice is throwing some light on their own, and they clearly don't feel comfortable enough with their own lifestyles to truly own them, so act defensive, loudly and inappropriately, towards us.

I also wonder, did this guy perhaps already put you a little on edge or bring out an uncomfortable/less secure side of your personality even before, when you were drinking and joining in w the other stuff? If so maybe it says something about how you actually feel about being with him, and this time the addict's voice is giving alcohol the blame/credit, when actually it's about something else entirely. When you said you felt you didn't fit in, I think that is such a common trigger.

Please forgive me and tell me to pull my head in if that's not the case at all, it's just I wonder sometimes. The same way I used to credit alcohol with making me feel relaxed/excited/calm/focused etc when it was just the situation I was drinking in, I now think maybe the absence of alcohol can get blamed for a whole lot of negative situations that would still have been crappy before but we would have used booze to mask them.

Waves to everyone else and pops off to catch up with rest of thread...

Just realised that should be Slummy and Glad which somehow appeals to me even more! Hello to Chocolate too

Another Dry day here - pleased about that. Hope everyone is doing how they want. I DO find it much easier to just stay Dry - in the last two weeks I have discovered I really do not have an off switch! If I did not drink at all that was fine; but if I had one - then I wanted to drink more and more (if I could). Am ashamed of that. Do not like what I become like and, as I liked what I was in DJ, am going to go back to that. Well, that is the plan anyway!

Glad Don't be too hard on yourself as I said on the Damp February thread - alcohol is an addictive drug, so it is designed to make us want to drink more!! It is not a lack in us it is a symptom of the substance + some quirk of our brain that enjoys the emotional numbing that booze creates for us. We just have to find other ways to relax and reward ourselves as booze just isn't healthy or helpful for us :)

Hi all. What is it with people who think not drinking is some weird mad state of oddness??? It's been said before but everyone is totally supportive when you give up smoking (hence me hiding my filthy 2 or 3 a day habit )

It is clear to me that it's those people who are the most uncomfortable abut their drinking that have the problem with other peoples sobriety. Makes me mad!

I'm 'lucky' really, as everyone who knew me drunk is more than happy to see me sober, having been at the end of my awfulness! People saw I had no off switch and understand my move. Although it is a bit of a joke how I have suddenly become this bonkers running, sober, pleasant person! 'what happened to the old molly?' one of my fb friends cried the other day!

She is dead thank you very much

I know I've been sober for nearly 15 months but I need some help still. I cannot stop thinking about the awful things I did to dd1 during her early childhood. I really was a terrible mother :( I almost wish she had been taken from me for a few years and had a much happier time. How can I get these thoughts out of my head? I guess it's because I now have dd2 who is 9 and who I am so much better with , she is getting a great childhood and I hate that I didn't give that to lovely dd1 :( It';s when I'm falling asleep, some other dreadful memory comes into my head and I hate it.

How can I stop?

molly I think you would benefit from talking to a professional. It sounds like you really need a space to talk about these things to enable you to forgive yourself and let it go. None of us are perfect - we do the best we can at the time :)

Hi all, just checking in and catching up with everyone's news, I don't comment as much as others it seems, everyone seems so much more eloquent than me! I can relate to so much of myself on here tho and sometimes just having a quick read seems to help! Am coming up to 50 days af on Thursday, can't quite believe it! Have had a few wistful pangs this week tho and have so far been called a recluse and been accused of going into retirement... :( not very helpful and worried I am now seen as one of those boring, weird non drinkers, the sort of people I didn't like when I was drinking tbh...ho hum.... I am starting to wonder why I did this but have read this can happen around this time so just gonna keep my head down and carry on.

Molly, just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself, we can't change what has already happened, I have two DS'S that have suffered from my inconsistent parenting, being grumpy etc but I try each day to be a better parent than I was and that's all I can do :)

I would agree with counselling molly, you can't keep beating yourself up over the past.

I often think the same Sunny. In the middle of clearing out and found some coursework from only a few years ago and thought to myself 'did I write that??' It seemed so articulate and together. Now I'm lucky to be able to string a sentence together in my head. Well done on your near 50 days!! You're around the same as me then (50 today). I get that, I've been hiding away a fair bit lately.

Funny the crowd I went out with at the weekend rarely drink or they have one and that's it. I still found it weird, even being a non drinker with them. I'm so used to running around with people that drink like a fish, it was refreshing but distinctly odd.

Insomnia here the past couple of weeks, taking absolute hours to get to sleep every night. My brain won't stop whirling away, even my meditation music which helped in the past isn't working its magic. Stopping smoking maybe?

broken and sunny congrats on 50 days!! :)
Insomnia could be from stopping smoking but you'd think it would have settled down by now. Are you cold turkey or wearing patches? - they can disrupt stuff I believe.

Thanks :) Using lozenges but have used patches in the past and they never bothered my sleep, if anything they gave me really vivid dreams that I loved.

Would be prone to insomnia, have been from a teenager although usually when anxiety or depression has reared it's head. My brain presently seems to have a million and one things to think about, strange because the six months af last year I had no problems sleeping. Off to write it down and see if that helps.

I agree that maybe professional help might, well, help molly You can only do the best you can now iykwim. Hope you can find some way to forgive yourself and move on

Congrats on 50 days broken and sunny I look forward to when I get there

We went out today, long drives, long walks to look at neolithic stuff, then excellent pub meal on way home. I offered to drive home so OH had a couple of beers in the pub and I had fizzy water - which I really enjoyed. Felt no desire to drink anything alcoholic. So pleased with that. Really lovely day out

Thanks everyone. I know you're all right. Trying to deal with so bloody much at the moment. I will bow out for a bit as I think I'm just bringing the group down.

Keep it up y'all

molly don't you dare go anywhere missus! You are not bringing me down one bit You said yourself that you only have your DH & sis to talk to about all this stuff and we know that isolation isn't the answer for us ex-boozers. Anyway we've got the next Club Soda social to plan and I'd be lost without you

haha! I was just thinking about the next social - we must sort it out. I'm sorry, I just realised that all I have done lately is witter on about MY problems which is just not how I want to be. I know I should try to get some help but I'm scared - and it's so inaccessible nowadays. I will give it a go though I managed to get off to sleep last night without dredging up horrible memories. I am going to speak to dd1 again and really get through that I didn't mean what I did. I know she has already forgiven me but I think I need to do it again :(

She has her womb scan today - hoping all will ok, she seems very upbeat so I am staying the same for her.

DH is miles better - his anti d's are clearly really making a difference, I had forgotten how amazing he is, the gloom was obviously more than I'd noticed.

50 days sunny that is a great milestone. You'll really begin to find it's more normal now.

Insomnia - more than likely related to not smoking. Bloody addictive substances!

Must get back to running more regularly too. I've kind of been sliding a bit - only going three times a week or so when it used to be every other day.

Onwards and upwards.

Thank you.

Yes my comment wasn't meant to be taken that you should leave us to seek professional help molly. Please stay and talk to us if it helps, but perhaps seek some outside help as well and an un MN (((hug)))

Don't go molly, you aren't bringing me down either. Ups and downs are part of life and stopping drinking means facing up to the bad stuff we've been trying to hide from. I'm not very good at advice so don't give it a lot of the time but you need a sounding board and we're all here for you, if only to listen