Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

All good here Teapot :) Was shattered after week-end but had so much fun and laughter. This sober lark rocks

Really good Teapot. Taking treating myself to heart this week so bought new clothes and teeth whitening booked with the dentist Plans to go out with dsis later in the week which I'm looking forward to as although there will be booze there she is practically teetotal bar one a couple of times a year so no pressure.

Did your ds get on ok with his op sunny?

www.doyogawithme.com/yoga_classes

Hi Everyone! Sorry for radio silence. Been frantically busy but those of you with uni aged kids will perhaps be reassured to know it's because I pay a lot of attention to my students (I'm a lecturer in Real Life Outside MN)

Was very un-serenely pissed off to discover I'd been missed off the class list for yoga tonight but delighted to find the completely free and very good website above. Give it a go if you're curious about yoga, very very helpful I find. Now where did I leave my serenity...

Sorry to hear about ongoing family health problems Sunny and Broken.

Wave yogically from mat to everyone else x

Hi all, ds op went all ok and back home now, accepted the offer of a cooked meal this evening and was glad not to have to cook in the end....didn't go to the party in the end, wasn't feeling great and dh knew I wasn't really up for it so gave it a miss..another test this weekend but people I am meeting know I am not drinking so should be fine....each time it will get a little easier I hope...just hope no one gives me a hard time about it, don't want to have to justify why I'm not drinking x

I think that was a good call Sunny - well done for listening to how you felt about it. Really glad to hear the op went okay - more kudos for staying AF during this stressful time. Alcohol never makes life easier - but it doesn't always feel like that's the case!

molly - how are you doing, how's your DD?

Lucy - sooooooo.... Morning Glory on the 25th?

I was 200 days sober yesterday. Got a message from the friend-who-thinks-I'm-now-boring-for-not-drinking yesterday asking me if I wanted to arrange a night out. He apologised for what he'd said before and said that he's just so crazy at work he really needed a 'blow out'. I do remember what that felt like; glad as I am to not be doing it any more!

Sydney yoga is on my to-do list for one day in the future that hasn't arrived yet!
Sunny happy to hear all of that good news :)
Teapot 25th of this month? Gah can we make it March - am up to ears in 5000 word assignment for uni.
Congrats on 200 days and glad you're friend saw sense

Hey everyone. So glad to hear the operation went well sunny and you're doing so well resisting temptation.

Treats are such a good thing - all that money saved and you can get something that is real and not flushed away

I have had yet more trauma this past few days - it's like a bloody radio 4 play in our house! dd is waiting for her womb scan and seems well so that's good.

Latest...my mother came over on Sunday and started twittering about my sister as usual. My sister hasn't spoken to her for three years because, well frankly, she was a rubbish mother who constantly told is she never wanted children, refused to discuss our father (this is important...) who died when we were small, yet she manages to be the 'perfect hard done by brave widow' in public.

So, I finally snapped and in a very calm way let it all out, including how my sister feels, how I felt and tried to explain that possibly, just possibly, I went spectacularly off the rails because I had a traumatic time from age 2 (dead and then ignored existence of) my father and also I had a lot of very unpleasant surgeries as a little girl. Well!!! she did the whole victim act to perfection. We are wicked ungrateful children, we don't know what it was like for her and then....she announced that anyway my father was gay!

I have no idea where to store this information, how to handle it, what to do with it. Discussed it with my sister who said it all made sense but why the hell did my mother keep it quiet till now? it was shocking. If ever I need a drink it was then. Obviously didn't and very proud that I kept calm and to the point all the way through although she was being very unpleasant. It won't be resolved as all I have had since then is 'you have really upset ME. you have hurt ME' etc. I can deal with it now but it is just more than I bloody need!

Arghhhh.

Sorry again for all this. There isn't really anyone apart from dh and sis I can talk this through with. I do have 1 year 3 months and 14 days sober though - which keeps me smiling

molly it sounds like you could do to talk to a professional about this as you need to process all the information that your mother is telling you and how you feel about her generally. Yep back to 'me me me' on her part I notice. God I don't know how you tolerate her - seriously you deserve a medal Chuff some extra fags and well done for not drinking!!

My sister has been through a ton of counselling and now counsels for cruse (cue my mother on receiving this information 'huh and she thinks she can HELP people?'). I have tried before but can't get past the painful bits. Maybe time to try again.

300days300days300days300days300days300days!!!!!!!

Thanks so much to whoever posted the link to the counting app I'm very pleased with myself!

I was looking through my Misery of the Beginning Journal last night and I am so glad I stopped. Thank you all of you for all your support this really feels like a milestone for me.

Molly - sounds like a nightmare,haven't got much to say but it does sound like there is alot of unresolved stuff there. Much respect for not leaning on your old crutch.

Sydney - 300 days. Only a couple of months left and it'll be a whole year - imagine that!

Told my mum and dad I wasn't drinking for a year on sunday. They were shocked to say the least! Nice and supportive though which is good :)

Sorry to hear all of that Molly, that is a lot of sh*t to process! but well done for avoiding the drink! that is one less thing worry about.

Well done to everyone on reaching their milestones whatever they may be, feel like I have a lot of milestones to conquer yet but feeling ok about it...starting to realise (acknowledge) that I have been depressed for quite a long time, my mum has been depressed for as long as I can remember and is on anti depressants, I thought drinking helped but realise now that I was just fuelling my depression, duh!! I know there will be times that I will still feel down etc but know for sure that going back to booze is not the answer, I need to tackle it and do something positive about it, never thought that stopping drink would help me to figure this out and wish I had done something sooner but still feel pleased I am now making this change.

molly Gah your mother really doesn't endear herself does she? Maybe it is time to approach again?
*sydney Bloody congratulations 300 days is AMAZING Hope you have a lovely sober treat lined up?
rb happy to hear your family are supportive
sunny Friend of mine has a great website here that you might find useful :)

Hi all-sorry fell off the thread... back to catch up.

Hi again- molly I really want to smack your mum hard across the face and I don't even know her. I am so so sorry you are putting up with all of her complete utter shit.

Pompom waving here too!!!!!! Great milestones.

sunny .... I think my drinking was related to depression too. I started ADs in September. Bloody love them.

Yay rb. :)

Hi everyone. :) Any good weekend plans? None here really. Park, playdate, usual sort of thing.

Thank you every one i have phoned her once this week to see how she got on at the doctors and got the predictable 'I don't think you know how much you upset ME on Sunday'. luckily I was expecting it

Moving on. I suddenly felt so proud this morning. I was in the garden (having a fag - gahh!) and I thought, actually, I'm happy. I have an amazing husband, three cracking children - I have confronted what I did and what I was with eldest dd and we can move forward and understand each other - the guilt may never go away but she forgives me, and I am content. It's really sad that my mother can't do that. At least to reflect and think, yes I made some mistakes and that has caused my daughters a lot of pain, how can I make this better? She never will though -it's never her fault. Isn't that sad? I can't go NC though - there's no point now. What I have to do is not take the burden on myself and just be who I am with her.

Just keep it up everyone. In those weak minutes just think how great this new life is. x

You are a good daughter, molly. I know she will probably never understand that, or realise it, but you really are.

xx

molly I agree with cornchips she's bloody lucky to have you - if I was her daughter she'd have no-one phoning her to check how she was!! Not suggesting for one second that you go NC but yes please do put down the self-flagellation whip!
Corn that website I linked for sunny might be helpful for you too :)
Kids have school valentine's disco tonight and niece is off on her travels so have a boozy leaving party for her tomorrow night. Have my 0% to take with me so not worried. Hope everyone has a lovely week-end - lots of self-care because we are worth it

Hello everyone, can I join the thread?
I've been a binge drinker since my teens - parents and brother have both struggled with normal alcohol consumption and GM was an alcoholic.I cut right down after the birth of my DD - partly as I wasn't going out- and have got to the point where I drink sensibly at home, whereas I used to sit up till 2 drinking till I passed out I will now have 1 or 2 at the weekend with hubby and e happy. However I really struggle when I go out, sometimes I am ok but sometimes I drink so much it is shameful. Last weekend I went out with a friend & ended up flirting with ransoms in a bar, don't remember getting home, fell over when I do at 3:30 and woke a v worried DH up and bust up my wrist. I am horrified at what could have happened and embarrassed that I am35 and still acting this way i felt sh*t for two days too and was an awful parent to poor DD.i've set a goal of not drinking for a month, including a wedding and a funeral and have offered to drive a friend to the wedding but already feel grumpy about going and not drinking .is it possible to get to a point where I will be in control at all times, or do I have to totally quit? Would love advice. Amazed & impressed by some of the milestones here!

Welcome Sometimes. :)

We have all been there, and indeed have all felt the shame, the horror and the utter misery, so you are in great company. (And we are great company. :) )

Honestly... I would not start thinking now about moderating, just focus on the goal you have to not drink for a month. if you look too far ahead you will get scared. Just think of today. Then think of tomorrow, tomorrow.

That's just what works for me. However, everyone on this thread can offer lots of terrific advice too. :)

Thank you Cornchips it's hard as my DH is a really sensible drinker (normal?) and he just doesn't get that I don't have an off switch. He hates me bingeing but also doesn't get that it's not as simple as cutting down- he can't understand that I can't have just a glass of fizz at the wedding for example . Plus all our mates think I am preggers as that is the only time I have successfully given up before

Hi there and welcome. Yep, I think we've all done this kind of thing. It took me till I was 49 to realise that it really wasn't the best behaviour

Only you know if you can control and moderate, but I know I tried for years and it really didn't work, so it had to total abstinence. The first few weeks or months are bloody hard and you will feel miserable and 'deprived' but then your mind set changes and you start to question what am I actually 'depriving' myself of? Shame, blackouts, being a rubbish parent (not saying you are of course, but that's something that I had to face up to), feeling ill, wasting a ton of money? Also, you're feeling grumpy because your body is getting rid of the alcohol and is pissed off with you . There are ladies here who know a lot more than me but I just wanted to say I did it and ait's bloody great - 15 months ago I was just the same, sad, crying, shaky, disgusted with myself. Just do a month for now then see how you feel! x

It really IS great.My DH does not get it either..... he likes a drink, but is not bothered. I remember once he got home really late at night after a punishing day at work and when I offered him a glass of something he said he was 'too tired to have a drink'.

I REALLY did not get that thinking!

Being sober is so restful, I find. Not the endless whirring in your head about alcohol; shame; 'did I do or say this?'; 'did I seem drunk?'; thinking about stopping; thinking about drinking.

Thank you - molly, have been reading back and hope your DD is ok. Cornchips I can totally relate to the idea of restful - one of the reasons I want to change is because I resent the time,mental energy and money I spend on booze & the thought of what I could have done with those things if I didn't drink is pretty upsetting. At the time it always feels like an escape or a break but it's a totally false alarm :(

Alarm? I meant friend. Need more tea!