Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

Thanks for sharing Deirdre - I'm yet another who is armed with very many terrible tales. If any of us ever meet up (I'm always up for a meet up) I'll happily share some of them, but I'm too mortified to put them up on t'internet because I'm so paranoid someone will recognise me through them.

We were sick that's how I think about it. It's like when you're a diabetic and have a hypo you say and do things that are completely out of character because your insulin levels are off. It's no different with booze. Don't be too hard on yourself as it's that shame that kept us stuck drinking for so long. Shame, drink, regret, shame, drink. Rinse lather repeat. We're not doing it now and are making living amends so heads high ladies
nina you're welcome

rb I had the hard to wake up in the morning thing too and yep I think it is the deeper sleep - sometimes i would almost feel hungover initially I would be so groggy.

Deidre - I never thought of the sleep thing as the body catching up, that's exactly what mine has been doing I love the sleep most of all the benefits of sobriety, being able to get up in the mornings without feeling like death has been huge for me.

I also question why I never have up before! Why I spent years doing this to my body and why now 4 months in even tho I feel so much better am I getting little voices I my head saying wouldn't a drink be nice :(

Cornchips. I love the feeling of being sober too it is great :)

Sad isn't it that the guilt and shame made us drink more. Drink to forget what I'd forgotten about during blackouts and since learned. Would be funny if the situation wasn't so dire.

Still the past is gone. Living with regrets and looking backwards is a lot of what has got me here in this situation. Pointless.

to you all

yes, guilt and shame get me too.

I try and tell myself 'I will never be that person again'. That helps. I do worry that over time I will forget what it was like, or forget how I felt, or minimise it or tell myself that I wasn't really that bad. That is a big fear for me.

CornChips, Deidre, Broken - I know exactly where you're coming from. The shame is more than just embarressment. I've not been so bad over the past few years, and so I've kind of come to terms with what I've done when drunk. But it never really goes away, I don't think I'll ever forget it and it's one of the reasons I'm starting to think of this as something more permenant.

Oh and the sleep thing - an 18 month old that wakes up at about 1am and needs to get into bed with us (then wriggle around for hours) really isn't helping! Really does feel like a hangove for about ten mins doesn't in Nina!

Hello, can I join again, I need some support. 2014 was the worse year of my life, think end of 22 year relationship, terrible money problems facing bankrupcy, Car stolen and house broken into, DS1 not talking to me, diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes just to name a few but you get the picture. Anyway last night I chose not to drink and shamefully have to admit this was my first dry night in a year. Don't get me wrong not been getting completely bladdered every night, tend to just sip in front of the TV to "help me sleep and cope" but there have been a few very pissed up nights that have probably led me to do things that certainly would not sober. So I know this is bad for me and need to find different coping mechanisms last night got into Mocha's. Anyway sorry for epic post, just need to chat this over. Am I a hopeless cause me thinks.

Of course you're not a hopeless cause! Blimey I've certainly done some horrendous things in my drinking years and never ever thought I would stop - let alone for this long. We can all relate to you, I promise.

Sorry to hear that you had such a bad year. It must have been difficult. You know you are taking the right steps now. What are you planning to help you??

Deirdren I think my year would have been enough to turn most people to drink, lol. But then I have always been a drinker, I drink when I am happy, drink when I am sad but I have never spent so much time drinking alone. I have no plan atm, just decided yesterday I did not fancy or need a drink, it had finally become really boring. I have a date tomorrow not sure I can be drink free but just having a couple would be a big improvement.

Welcome Blossom. :) You are not a hopeless cause at all! We are here, good to have you with us.

Thanks corn. I need to find some hidden strength. I actually really don't care these days about most things, the only thing that keeps me going is my DS, he still needs me though not for much longer.

Welcome from me too Blossom - if you were a hopeless cause then so was I Nice to have you here.

Thanks lucy. Am using MN and endless episodes of Friends as a distraction.

Blossom. Welcome. I was a hopeless cause, I never ever thought I could give up drinking but here I am 4 months in! It can be done, there is hope lol

Welcome Blossom. Sounds like an incredibly tough and stressful year. A relationship breakup was the impetus for my own drinking getting out of hand so I understand that. No hopeless causes here, only incredibly strong men and women who have decided to change their lives for the better and you're now one of them .

Forgot I'd changed my name to my usual posting name, its broken so as not to confuse yous

Yuk! I dreamt I had two glasses of wine! so bizarre after so long! On a positive note, in the dream I was ashamed and trying to hide it

Okay, full disclosure.

I drank last night. A friend came around with two bottles of champagne for her birthday and DH said to me in the kitchen it would be rude not to have a glass. TBH, I was very easily persuaded and did not put up an argument, and all those thoughts happened...... I will have just one. I have been so good and will give myself a 'night off'. I can handle it. I can easily go to not drinking again tomorrow. I'm not doing anything illegal. I will make the decision and own it and not regret it. Maybe I can be a normie.

We had three bottles between the three of us, but DH had maybe 2 glasses total. DS was put to bed late and grumpy. (He kicked and hit me and so I just dumped him in bed without cleaning his teeth or reading him a story). I slept through my alarm. I had 20 minutes to get out of the house for the school run. DH had to drive because I certainly would not trust myself. DS was dragging his heels and I yelled at him. When I left him at school he started to cry and I am worried he will tell them mummy was cross. And short tempered. And a cow.

Good night then.

Morning all :)

Corn - you poor love. First things first, I would say force yourself to let go of the fact that you drank, make a commitment to forgive yourself and move on from it. It is great that you have come straight on here to talk about it.

However. - it sounds as though there are some tactics missing from your 'sober toolbox' and you need to make sure this doesn't happen again. Does your friend know that you are not drinking? If she does, I would question why on earth she brought round two bottles, which is a lot to bring round on the off-chance midweek. She clearly wanted the three of you to drink them both. Secondly, what on earth is your husband doing using that kind of logic on you? He needs to know NOT to do that in future. It sounds as though he is using his own relationship towards alcohol (able to moderate, only drank two glasses all evening) to rationalise your ability to drink. It is NOT the same for you, you drank more than that, you had a bad morning, and the worst of all is that you are suffering now and feeling bad about yourself. I think this is the worst thing for problem drinkers, is that we beat ourselves up about it far more than other people. Lots of people wouldn't be feeling guilt and shame about what happened last night, but I would be like you and would be feeling bad about it.

I am really proud of you for coming on here and talking about it. It's just a blip, and one of my favourite blippy quotes is that the fact you are straight back to being AF shows that you may have slipped over on your journey, but you're still facing in the right direction moving forwards. Which is the most important thing. You're doing an amazing thing by choosing not to drink, time for your husband and your friends to get on board too. Like you, I'm not sure I would have been able to resist the 'double pronged attack' that you experienced last night! Big hugs to you today. X

Thanks Teapot.

I DO need to look at my sober toolbox. Mostly it comprises of 'don't drink' and that is mainly it. I need to pay more attention.

I have not told anyone I am not drinking- not even DH. he is away most weeks so he had not really twigged the extent of my not-drinking. (He never twigged the extent of my drinking either... he is hardly home). I have said I am doing Dry janaury to people- it's easy, and we were at a party at the weekend and that was an easy thing to say and no-one questions it. I need to work out what to say and how to say it. I am not emotionally close enough to the friends in our life to be really open about it, if that makes sense.

I had to tell you guys. I felt that I would be hiding and lying if I did not tell you, I need to be accountable to you, and myself, because i so very much value the support and the connection we have.

I am beating myself up. My son was crying when I put him into bed (I had told him off for kicking me). This morning he said 'why did you not come when I cried?'

Right. Back to AF. Stronger. I like the idea of still moving forwards. Yes. :) I will look at my toolbox. I might write down how I feel at this point in time too, so that I do not forget what this is like. There is simply nothing positive that alcohol adds, as rb said up thread. It is ONLY a negative in my life.

Oh,,.... and I've ordered another bunch of sobriety books from Amazon. including a misery lit about what it is like to grow up with an alcoholic parent. I cannot do that to my little boy.

Morning all!
Corn dust yourself off and on we go :) Can't add anything to what Teapot has already said. Go easy with that book - it's a tough read

I really think you should make your husband aware of your troubles Corn. From what you've posted it seems like it's time to actually admit you have a drink problem to him so he can help. And your friends tbh (though I admit I have only ever told my closest friends I have problems with drink). It's hard enough even with the support of those closest to you, but trying to do it wothout them even knowing that the situations they may put you in, like your husband last night, will be 100 times harder.

Put it this way, if your husband had known you couldn't drink, rather than just didn't want to, would he have said what he did last night? I'm sure he wouldn't have and hopefully would've told you not to drink at all making it so much easier for you to just say no.

Anyhow, hopefully your resolve will have been doubled now (just keep thinking of your boy asking 'why did you not come when I cried?').

Oh and yes, well done for coming on here and admitting it.....really does show you want to keep at it!

I agree with rb, Corn. They say nobody can beat alcohol alone, and I know you have this thread but it's going to require superhuman strength for you to be able to continually come up with reasons for why, in each precise moment, you do not want to drink.

In telling people, you do not need to say very much. In fact you hit the nail on the head by saying that alcohol does not add anything positive to your life. That is almost exactly the line I used when telling people to start with: "I've realised that the bad outweighs the good and I have decided I don't want to drink any more". Reactions have been varying - surprise, shock, intrigue... but I find myself feeling very empowered by these conversations I have had with people. The fact is, alcohol DOESN'T add anything positive to people's lives, it's all an illusion that it does. Sobriety delivers everything that alcohol promised... it's just that we're the trailblazing few who have realised first

Stopping drinking is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn't mean you were or are a loser, or that you had a horrific problem that is worse than everyone else's. It means that you've decided you want to stop drinking. That's it. Take care X

Thank you everyone, so much. :) I am afraid to admit it to DH, I do not know why. he loves me and supports me. He has me on a bit of a pedestal sometimes and I am afraid to fall off it. If he knew how I felt about drinking, he would never have said what he said, you are right rb.

Teapot, just saying 'It does nothing for me anymore' Is a good response. A friend of mine who I have not seen for years and years gave up for a while. He just said 'I stopped enjoying it'.

I am considering going to one of those Alan Carr seminars... I think haggis went to one, do I recall that correctly?

You are all right.

Lots to think about today. My mind is whirring. How exhausting!