Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

I don't think you came across as offensive Dierde! I understand what you meant. I get a bit about some of my friends fb posts too, and know what you mean about people who think not drinking is a character defect. TBH, I used to get really frustrated with non-drinkers- they were spoiling my fun.

I have found the dry jan thread really educational, as the attitudes are what MY attitude has been for years.... fear and anxiety around drinking, shame, hiding the amount, denial, worry and anxiety about stopping. I want to take them all and say really, alcohol is NOTHING. It is poison. I guess this is what people mean about evangelical ex-smokers or ex-drinkers. You feel so much better that you want everyone to feel that.

Think it's one of the main reasons I am actively avoiding Facebook atm. I remember last year all the 'he he look at me, couldn't make it past the first weekend' accompanied with the photo of the wine glass. My newsfeed was laden with drink related posts all over Christmas and it made me struggle massively as it sets off that thinking 'I can't be that bad, everyone else is doing it'. So think I'm better off it at present until I feel stronger.

Agree with you completely Corn, I recognise myself on there too. And it is so hard, because yes I feel as though those people tossing and turning and not knowing how to deal with alcohol were me just a few months ago. I couldn't even countenance the thought of stopping, so tied myself up in knots trying to work out how else I could drink but still feel good about myself. I really admire the honesty on there too... it's the first step towards being able to deal with the problem properly. I'm also curious about the people who say they have done a Dry January before and then never gone back to drinking in the way they used to. I know that would never be me, because my problem was just an intrinsic need to drink more quickly than what I would call a normal drinker. Now that I've stopped, I see friends/family out for dinner making a glass of wine last for an hour or more, not through an act of extreme willpower (as would be the case for me), but because they naturally have no inclination to drink it. Unless I could magically become that person, a person who truly can take or leave a glass of wine, can take or leave finishing their glass, then I know I need to not drink. My modus operandi out at dinner would be to have three glasses of wine as a minimum - way more if I was with another 'proper' drinker.

Deirdre - you didn't sound mean. Most non-drinkers find drinkers annoying after a few drinks a while, they ARE annoying. They're even annoying to drinkers who just weren't drinking that night!

Hi again everyone. Hope you have all had good days.
We went to a late afternoon cocktail party today. I have learned that waiters often don't bother to come and refill your glass if you are only having soft drinks. (Only having two hands, one for red and one for white does not help!). So I learned a new cocktail party shimmy..... squeezing through the crowds to get to the bar to order my cola light.

But being able to drive the baby sitter home rather than having to call her a taxi.... this was just a joy that made me feel very content. I am so rock and roll.

And yes, as teapot says.... some of the drinkers were deeply deeply annoying towards the end of the evening! A year ago, that was me.

Hello all
Back from day in the smoke - was fab! We all loved the British Museum (apart from the nose bleed prices in their cafe!) and had a great late lunch in Henry's at Covent Garden. Haven't been in one of those for year and thought they didn't exist anymore but I have to say they have the most fabulous selection of NA drinks - all of the Fentimans and Bottlegreen selection and more. And not bad food either so highly recommended! :)
Deirdre not offensive at all - I was offensive when drunk and must have been a catatonic bore
Plus someone wanted The Bubble Hour so here you go! www.thebubblehour.com/ Awesome podcast and Jean from the blog Unpickled, who is one of the co-hosts, is well worth a read too

Teapot. I just dipped into the dry jan thread too, seems like another world now which I guess is a great thing. Me too it feels like me talking in there - what hit me reading other people's experiences is the mental anguish about whether to drink or not, I hadn't realised what a hurdle that was that I have made it over and how much easier it is not to have to constantly battle that decision. Woohoo

cornchips. How nice is it to be able to drive the babysitter home? a benefit of not drinking for me has been not worrying about taxis and driving at night - before I'd be well stuck into the drink at 7pm

Deidre. Not offensive. I feel the same - so many of my friends over Xmas asking me what is wrong with me - errrr actually I just told you lol!!

Eggshells. The bubble hour was great for me - you can dip back to episodes a year or so ago and some of them are so inspirational

Lucy - I'm looking into the Fentimans and Bottlegreen alcohol free you mentioned - I'm still drinking alcohol free beer every night (hope to knock that on the head eventually) and have exhausted the local bottle shops variety of AF drinks so I'm going to hit the internet and see what can be delivered here (I'm in Australia and lots I've read about I can't get here)

Thanks for the bubble hour link Lucy. I'll maybe get a listen when ds is back to school tomorrow.

I know I blipped and am only back to a week in but reading the dry Jan thread I want to say it's so much easier this way, just not drinking at all. Ever. Rather than tying yourself up in knots and wondering once the month is over, can you go back to reasonable drinking? I have breezed through this weekend without a second thought about booze, even yesterday when Sunday dinner would be a huge trigger for me. I think finally with all that has happened over Christmas I have the fear and got a sharp shock of reality of what alcohol can really do. All the reading about it frightened the life out of me too. I've been having some issues with my bp and have to do 24monitoring this week so its great to know I won't have that anxiety drinking brings and wondering if the readings are different because of being hungover, they'll be my readings good or not.

Happy Monday everyone

You're welcome eggshells and the best thing you can do for your ticker is stay off the booze, fags and fatty diet (oh and sugar - that's the one I still struggle with!). With no boozing and hangover you will be so serene when your 24h tape is on
nina here's some amazon links for those products: Fentiman's www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_9?url=search-alias%3Dgrocery&field-keywords=fentimans&sprefix=fentimans%2Caps%2C1093
Bottlegreen:
www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_11?url=search-alias%3Dgrocery&field-keywords=bottlegreen&sprefix=bottlegreen%2Cgrocery%2C236&rh=n%3A340834031%2Ck%3Abottlegreen
Oh and then there's Belvoir (pronounced Beaver): www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_7?url=search-alias%3Dgrocery&field-keywords=belvoir&sprefix=belvoir%2Cgrocery%2C256&rh=n%3A340834031%2Ck%3Abelvoir
Happy last day of the school holidays folks

Thanks all for the welcome, bit late in replying to them!

Deidre - I know exactly what you mean. I'm not on facebook but my wife is, she got all the 'haha I give you until the end of the week' and 'well that's one resoultuion I didn't keep' posts. She didn't even blink at them though which is good. I've figured out we're doing it for completely different reasons. She's doing it because she's overweight and doesn't want the extra calories, whereas I'm worried about the alcaholic side of it. Not that it really matters, it's really nice to be doing it together tbh.

One thing I've noticed is wakeing up in the morning is so much harder! Perhaps it's because I'm sleeping better and deeper? Or perhaps because I've started training for an event in May pretty hard now as an extra health kick.

Only had a few fleeting cravings, and am really enjoying it so far, even with stacks of booze in the fridge. Managed to get through a night alone in the house....

rb32 Me and the Mr stopped together too and it really helped keep us on track - so much so that 15 months later we're still not drinking and have no plans to go back to it :)

I broached the topic of quitting indefinatly with my wife yesterday. We both agreed it's doing NOTHING to actually improve our lives. Neither of us said yes lets do it though, I guess that decision is for further down the line. I'm leaning towards it, though I doubt she is (but then she doesn't have the past relationship with the dreaded drink that I do).

Forever is a scary concept! We don't talk about indefinitely although I know that for me it needs to be. One month at a time and go from there :)

rb I am also immensely pleased my DH is doing Dry January. He drinks completely differently to me..... he can take or leave it. Likes afew pints or a glass of wine, but essentially does not care. I drink. I am really enjoying having the company also. It's nice.

Glad you are enjoying not-drinking..... the enjoyment aspect was the biggest surprise to me!!!! In an earlier thread I recall writing 'Isn't being sober great???!!'

I dunno Lucy, forever is sounding quite good to me. I'm a nicer, funnier more talkative and coherant person before I start drinking so really, what's the point? I do love a drink but I don't like being drunk (which I guess is why I like drinking totally alone so much). Lots of thinking to do over the next month but right now I can't see a reason to start again. The month thing is a good rule though just to re-enforce this through the first few things like a night out with friends, or a meal for to at a restraunt.

CornChips, it is nice isn't it just having the company doing it together.

Sounds like you & your wife are doing very well RB. I started by doing a 100 day challenge and telling people that. But I know in my heart of hearts I didn't plan going back - and that remains the plan . I think - for people who don't "need" to give up but who drink above the recommended amount that you won't actually feel the benefits in just 4 weeks. In saying that I appreciate that for the people on the Dry Jan thread who are daunted by a months - talking about over 3 ain't going to help. I liked that no one was hounding me at the end of the month to start on the booze again. Gave me longer to strengthen my resolve.

I think everyone notices the sleeping issue first! You definitely start sleeping longer for a while - I guess it's the body finally catching up after being deprived for so long. I still feel so grateful for a good nights sleep, when I get one - which is most times, have the normal bad nights every now and then. I love being able to just wake up and get up. which is, however, a double edged sword at times - on Sunday I was up at 7, pottered about, drank coffee and then got a bit bored! it was far to icy to run and I couldn't be bothered to de ice the car to go anywhere, so just went back to bed in the end!

I hope everyone had a good day today. Back to work for me and actually rather enjoyed it

First day back at work and I had to sit there and be regaled with peoples hilarious stories about how utterly plastered they were all over Christmas and how their livers will never recover blah blah blah.

People freely admitting they weren't sober for about 5 days. People admitting they had to spend Boxing Day in bed because they were so hungover. Listing the huge volumes they had drunk.

I just sat there quietly, thinking, How could you think you actually enjoyed any of that? You made yourself really ill and you think it is funny?

I guess that used to be me though

It definitely used to be me leftie. Although I don't think I ever crowed about it, because I felt so full of self-loathing every time I had a humdinger. I was recounting a weekend I had about a year ago to a friend recently, where I'd drunk so much that the next day, after having stayed over with my children, I felt so ill I spent the whole day in bed. Leaving them to look after my kids all day , because I feared that if I moved I'd be sick. They were extremely kind about it, but.... what a lame-o. I don't want to be that person any more.

Im not sure they all do think its funny though leftie. I used to do the same, brazen it out and laugh about it but inside feeling something very different. Almost putting on a front, if I admit it and laugh about it it can't be a problem right?

Was telling dm I'd fallen the other day and her first words were you pissed? Bad thats the first assumption people jump to.

Good to see you again rb. Helps tremendously when you have that extra support. Although dp and I don't live together he is off the booze for medication reasons and it makes it so much easier.

Wish I could get some of this lovely sleep I keep hearing people talk about. Cosleeping toddler booting me all night is not conducive to a deep sleep. Wish I could get her in her own bed again.

Yes I used to pretend to find it hilarious that I couldn't remember the night before the worst one was waking up in my flat (pre dh) and having absolutely no idea where dd2 aged 7 was. She wasn't with me, at home - turns out I had left her in the pub. I worked at the pub and she was friends with the landlady's little girl so they had sensibly invited her to stay. What a highly amusing story that was

Awful

Oh Deirdre.

Thank you for sharing that story with us.

I cannot even yet admit to myself some of my actions when pissed.

Awful isn't it! I fell over and broke my nose after about three bottles of wine - totally smashed it up and was so lucky to have it fixed brilliantly so it looks like it was never broken.

I cannot tell you how many nights I have been up all night with the chronic trots nice eh?

One night I broke out in a dreadful sweat where it wasn't just dripping off me, it was literally running off me - I guess my poor body was trying to get rid of the alcohol any way it could. Anyway, the sweat made me fall off the toilet seat straight onto the floor!

I have embarrassed myself getting over friendly with male friends and colleagues - nothing too bad but stroking their arm, linking arms with them - cringe cringe--

I would always minimise everything though and never told anyone anything I didn't have to.

I just cannot go back to all of that.

The worst one was about 10 years ago. I still haven't told anyone. Not even dh. I don't know if I ever can. God that sounds a bit dramatic !! It was awful though. I want to be able to forgive myself, hopefully one day I will.

What I keep questioning is why the hell didn't I stop before? So much pain and humiliation and still it went on.

thanks for the links Lucy. Much appreciated