Strange email on DH's account

[mynameisearl1]

I logged onto DH's email today to check something and I found an email from his female work colleague. It says:
Hi X. Sorry to bother you again but I really need talk to you. Could we chat one evening on FB? Just catch me when you see me logged on. Please do find time and do not ignore me, I know you might feel uncomfortable or so but please, you're a big boy so surely you can talk to me for a while. I really start feeling like an idiot for getting in touch with you. You have to admit that it happens once in a blue moon but even then you seem just not to give a fuck about it. I thought we were friends, but friends should respect each other, shouldn't they?
I am not any threat to you and you know it, I just need to clear up my mind. So please do find some time, I really do not want to lose my respect for you. Hope you and your family are all OK x

He hasn't replied to that message. I looked for other emials from her and found nothing, however her contact is saved into contacts book.

Is it just me being suspicious or is this message weird? I dont know that woman, I only know they worked together at his old workplace. My DH is usually very open about any social media contact, he hasn't password on his phone, I can easily access his FB or email. We have a good and healthy relationship ... or do I only think so?

What is the "you seem to not give a fuck about it" bit about then?

I am as far from a ltb poster as you can get but this seems v obvious to me. I may be wrong.

I agree it is threatening in tone.

I would contact her through his facebook, like suggested downthread.

why would she 'lose all respect' for him if he doesn't reply to her? People can talk to/ignore who they like, so, to me it sounds like she feels he owes it to her to talk to her, so I'm afraid I think something happened between them at least once, and that they were friends before that. Line crossed. He dropped his 'friend' like a hot stone. Now he wants to just re-write history and pretend not only that it never happpened but that they were never friends and she is challenging him on that.

And all the stuff about respect smacks of someone who has been ignored after an encounter. I don't think she would be almost demanding for him to respect her if she had made a pass that had been rejected. I would be licking my wounds and slinking off if that were the case. I hope I am wrong.

Xpost Jeffrey!

4 pages if speculation and the op hasn't come back.

It could be an affair, it could be work related. I think op just needs to talk to her dh.

I had an email that was very similar in tone and content to this from a female friend. Other mutual 'friends' had stirred things and the email included 'I thought you were my friend'. She'd actually behaved very badly towards me and I was biting my lip because we lived in the same village. But she was odd as she was very intense and liked drama. It's possible that the writer of this email could be the same: over thinking things, reading into everything. Honestly it's exhausting trying to be friends with someone like that so I could understand your dh ignoring her.

It could be work-related, I think. Not sure.

It sounds as if they are / were friends - or at least he gives her the time of day. She has done something at work (losing it in the middle of the office, come in drunk, drug taking ... anything that is not deemed acceptable in an office environment) and has been found out for a second or more time. He is trying to distance himself and she is trying to gather support.

I think it could be work-related. Perhaps another colleague puts her down "once in a blue moon" and she is looking to your DH for professional support?

It could easily all be work related. Or not. There have been several emails this week between myself and two other colleagues about a work related issue that would read very oddly out of context. The thing that makes me about this though is the reference to Facebook. I am, as it happens, FB friends with both the colleagues I've been in an increasingly ranty exchange with this week, and we do talk on Facebook, sometimes about work but rarely - we would never suggest taking a conversation to Facebook in an email though. That's just odd. Unless we were going to be constrained to phones - the stupid corporate email client on our iPhones doesn't work well.

It would be blatantly obvious that something was up if he's ignored her for ages and then starts talking to her on Facebook. Shed see straight through that.

OP where are you?

I would guess they were friends, they slept together a few times, he dropped her, she still needs closure and keeps asking to talk, thinking they were friends and not just a random shag, so he owes her that, she's saying she's not a threat because she doesn't want to break up his family, she just wants to talk.

He doesn't want to carry on the relationship and would rather lose the 'friendship', so is ignoring her. Sounds like they've discussed it all before but she never gets the closure. Maybe he made promises he didn't keep or led her on to think it was more than it was?

I don't think it could just be that she made a pass at him, myself, because she does sound quite intense, and what makes people intense? Sex, love, deep feelings.

I'm very sorry, but that's my take.

But, he obviously thinks he made a mistake and is trying to get rid of her at least?

But some people are just very intense. I don't think it necessarily points to anything untoward. Some people have very different boundaries and expectations of friendship/work relationships.

I've read thru all the responses here, I appreciate them. I know that I need to talk to DH but first I just got to collect my thoughts. It's extremely hard for me to even think he could've been involved in anything romantic with anyone, he's just not the type, he is commited to our family and our beautiful children. He doesn't work with that woman anymore, left months ago. I really hope it all has some sensible explanation. I know that in the past he had some one off snogging with a collague at a work do but it was a silly drunk incident, he addmitted to it straight away and we both laughed at it later. Don't think this is the same person though, from what I've learnt the other one is happily married and not the home breaker type. Apparently.

Could he have had another xmas party Snog and this woman took it as a declaration of undying love?

Could you email this woman pretending to be your dh?

cedric, but if they were friends before, she would expect respect, or maybe a forgiveness for the pass she's made (or a drunken mutual kiss or something). Him ignoring her may look to her as if he is like a scared little boy who d rather run away and ignore, and that he should instead settle things in a grown-up conversation.

Given your last post I think he's also had some drunken incident with this woman too.

Reading it again, I think they have definitely had a dalliance. Maybe she is the snog colleague - there is nothing to suggest email sender isn't also happily married.

Do you think he will tell you the truth when asked OP?

but it is still obvious that she has some feelings for him and craves some contact, and that's why he is choosing ignore, I think. It's unwise though as people can get VERY angry when scorned.

x-posted with OP re drunken kiss. It could have been her, why not, she may be married - just wants to hear from him why did he kiss her 'to straighten things in my head'.

How does writing a novel, filling in the gaps from the message with fictional scenarios, help the OP? This is someone's life.

OP I hope you get a sensible and straightforward response when you talk to him. Have you decided how to open the conversation?

You laughed about it afterwards? Which part of his infidelity in particular did you find funny?

Well there you go then. He knows you are ok with infidelity, so that was his go ahead.