Why would someone ask to renew wedding vows so ‘early’ in marriage

[ernestsjone]

My wife asked me if I would want to renew our marriage vows after about 7.5 years of marriage. We had 2 kids. This suggestion came out of the blue and I thought it seemed strange so ‘soon’ after getting married. I always thought this kind of thing was for 25 year+. We had a proper wedding so it’s not like she missed out on her ‘big day’

Recently I heard of a couple I know that have been married for about 6 years who renewed their vows after the wife had an affair; this kind of unsettled me. Obviously I don’t want to go accusing her based on what someone else did, so I’m just looking for female thoughts on renewing vows and why a loving wife would suggest such a thing at what seems to be a random time. Thanks

Oh I can handle it alright Ginny. I loathe those who see their way as the only way and belittle the choices of others.

Others have the right to renew their vows if they want to. I wish them luck with their choices.
But, I and others, have the right to wonder why they're doing it -

Everybody's happy [happy]

And guests at these things do wonder if one, or the other has had an affair or if there has been an 'even' of some sort - (even if they're too polite to say so to your faces)

If you don't mind most of the guests thinking that, then go ahead. (you're braver than me)

event

I love the wedding cow majestic... I wondered why you posted it and then saw my typo.

Maybe she just wants a party?

I don't want to scare you OP, far from it. But my parents renewed their marriage vows because they knew that my Dad was terminally ill.

It's not always done for "shallow" or "look at me" reasons.

The thought of a wedding cow made me giggle

Majestic . On topic. I just don't get it. Not at all. But folks should knock themselves out if it appeals to them.

We had a small wedding, with just ten of us and it was perfect.

I would consider renewing our vows in ten years time or so, just so our (future) children can be part of a little something special. I wouldn't have a huge party or fuss though.

If my DH suggested that he wanted to renew our vows, I wouldn't think 'he has had an affair', it would never cross my mind.

*I don't want to scare you OP, far from it. But my parents renewed their marriage vows because they knew that my Dad was terminally ill.

It's not always done for "shallow" or "look at me" reasons.*

That was why my husband and I made our reaffirmation. We wanted those that we care about, around us when we showed our total commitment and love for each other, no matter how rough the path ahead would be. It's not always about 'showing off'. To be honest, I think it was even nicer than the wedding because we were older and had been through so much but still lived each other to bits. [soppy emoticon]

Sorry about your dad.

How on earth can you renew something that doesn't run out? What a ridiculous idea. Someone I know talked about doing this within a group, and the general consensus was that it was a silly thing to do, and wondering which of them had cheated. I wouldn't go to a pretend wedding.

We wanted those that we care about, around us when we showed our total commitment and love for each other, no matter how rough the path ahead would be.

But surely you did that with your original vows in sickness and in health and all that.

IMO "renewing of vows" devalues marriage because it makes out like the original vows were not lifelong (as they should be).

Having said that I can't get married in my church atm (lesbian) but when the CofE allows it in future I would like to make my vows in the eyes of God in church (just me and DW though), does that make me a hypocrite?

The thing is, if someone wants to renew their wedding vows then that is of course their choice. But it doesn’t end there does it? Most people who have a vow renewal have a full-on party which family and friends are expected to attend, presumably buy an outfit for, etc. And if people think it’s a ridiculous idea or they think their is suspicion surrounding the reasons, then they are put in an impossible position of either turning up for the renewal and smiling while inwardly wondering who had the affair/thinking it’s all a bit attention seeking, or not going at all and risk causing upset within the family...

fluffy your situation is different though because you want to be married in the eyes of God and atm you aren't allowed to do that.

I would agree, fluffy, you'd just be doing what you should have been allowed to do originally. Hope it's soon.

Anything before 50 years is nafforama IMO.

...and I'll add, all things being equal.

OP you need to talk to your wife.

I can understand wanting to do a Couple Thing after the hard slog of Producing Very Young Children and saying LOOK, its US again, You and Me together, not just some sort of tag team relentlessly feeding cleaning and comforting children.

Though personally I would prefer a weekend away to ourselves, than renewing vows. I still stick to the ones I said in the first place, no point repeating myself if he should have listened first time round.

Actually, I've been thinking about it for exactly the reason that has been mentioned. My DH broke his vows in fairly spectacular style about 18 months after our wedding. We've been back together a year and all seems well. I would like it to be the just two of us and the vicar. The church is 100 yards from our house. Probably all in jeans. We have been open with friends and family, so no need for their speculation!

I'm not sure if I'll speak to my DH about it, he'll think it's a bit bonkers probably. We have made plenty of affirmations to ourselves about the future but I'd like something a little more formal for ourselves. We'll see.

Our wedding was a day of pandering to family whims, keeping everyone happy and doing what everyone else wanted. All of it. The day wasn't about us at all, it was about details of the party that followed it. No-one cared that we were getting married at all: all that mattered was having cheapest food option, having horrible flowers to keep my parents happy, moaning about the timing in case some cousin couldn't watch the football. A very close relative on the IL's side decided to get married one month before us in the most beautiful venue (we married at a lovely hotel but it really couldn't compete for my IL's materialistic sense of value) and it was all everyone talked about at our wedding.

I hated every minute of the part after the ceremony itself.

The only part of our wedding day I enjoyed was the part where we got married, and even that was overshadowed by knowing I had the reception to get through. DH feels the same.

We've no need to 'renew' our vows as such, but at some point in the not so distant future we would like to go somewhere with our DC, both born after we married, and make our vows absolutely and only for us.

Well...it's just an excuse for a do isn't it?
:)
I don't know anyone who has done this.