Why would someone ask to renew wedding vows so ‘early’ in marriage

[ernestsjone]

My wife asked me if I would want to renew our marriage vows after about 7.5 years of marriage. We had 2 kids. This suggestion came out of the blue and I thought it seemed strange so ‘soon’ after getting married. I always thought this kind of thing was for 25 year+. We had a proper wedding so it’s not like she missed out on her ‘big day’

Recently I heard of a couple I know that have been married for about 6 years who renewed their vows after the wife had an affair; this kind of unsettled me. Obviously I don’t want to go accusing her based on what someone else did, so I’m just looking for female thoughts on renewing vows and why a loving wife would suggest such a thing at what seems to be a random time. Thanks

I'd think perhaps boredom rather than affair. 7 years ish is long enough that it's become a bit mundane (sorry. 16 years servitude here. ) and I suppose a bit of a party to try to shove some sort of romance back in there might be on her mind. Bit of attention too, if she's the type. How's your relationship doing generally?

ask her what's made her think of this.

I used to like the idea of this when dc were older so they could see dh and I reaffirming our love. However, the only couples we know who have done this have done so after an affair which put me off. We've been married 10 years and had an anniversary party (not expensive). We've decided to save and have a big holiday instead. Maybe your wife just wants the dress and big day again?

Doing it in private is quite sweet I guess, if you feel the need. Doing it in public and having another party is just grim.

I think renewing vows is (whilst unnecessary) quite naice

Unless there's another reason for you to be suspicious, it could simply be that she's content (does she seem content?!) and fancies doing it.

Also FWIW I don't think it's odd/weird/whatever for a couple to renew vows in private. I'd probably do it in private actually

Is she generally quite attention seeking?

Never seen the point myself.

Is it possible she thinks your vows need renewing

^
Yeah that!

There could be any number of reasons, only she knows. Ask her!

Ask her why she wants to! I think it's a waste of time and what attention seeking people will do as an excuse for a party.

Incidentally Seal and Heidi Klum were known for renewing their vows annually... much good it did them!

What does 'renewing' actually mean anyway? The whole concept is an absolute nonsense. Did this ridiculous idea start in the US? It must have

Not sure where it originates from simontowers2 I think the term "renewing" isn't fitting really perhaps "reaffirming" would be better? Renewing makes it sound like you have a choice whether to stick with your current service provider (arf) or switch to A.N. other

Eitherway, there's no harm as such. A chance for another piss up at least...

DH and I have discussed sneaking away and renewing ours for a significant anniversary. Yes, as others have said, what we would have loved to do for our proper wedding was to sneak off and have a small intimate do, so we would like to get the chance to do that for real, wear clothes we feel comfy in, etc, and have another run at a wedding day in a style we would have preferred to what we actually did all those years ago to please our families.

I know others who have done so for religious reasons - did you maybe have a civil ceremony and she regrets that? Or a ceremony in one religion and not another?

My mum & dad renewed there's for their 25th anniversary so that's about 23 years ago. It was lovely it was just mum dad my brother & I

No fancy outfits no party. Just our 'best' clothes and out for dinner the 4 of us.

I've never seen the whole point of another wedding with big dresses bridesmaids and a reception after a renewal. If someone's so keen on a party have an anniversary one

Renew your wedding vows if you must,

But, then you must be prepared for at least half of your guests to be sat there quietly wondering to themselves ''I wonder why they are renewing them?'' ''What cracks care they trying to paper over?'' what's really happened to bring this event about?

Why would you want to have an occasion where most of your guests are going to be thinking and wondering those things about you? Why?

Even if you don't have any guests?

and my hubby is still gutted we didn't get any cake as the wrong layer was cut.

Am I reading this right?
You and your hubby would go to all that expensive of another wedding, just so your 'hubby' can have a piece of cake, that he missed out on the first time? only on Mumsnet

What's wrong with Greggs?

I don't see the point in renewing vows personally. I mean, if they're not broken, they don't need revising/revamping/reaffirming.

Some people like the 'glitz' of more attention to their married state after several years? Seven year 'itch' - whether acted on or not - saying vows again can feel like a 'talisman' of sorts.

I think renewals are a bit self-indulgent and I wouldn't do it but each to their own. You can have as many honeymoons as you like though, I'm all in favour of that!

The only couples I know of, that have renewed their vows, ended up having some huge upheaval in their marriages. Affairs in two and the other was some sort of weird mid-life crisis.

Sad but true.

They renewed their vows to try and cement their marriages back together and to prove to everybody that they had come out the other side and were stronger than ever

But it doesn't fool anybody.

It is surely a classic 'lady protest too much' scenario lol

simontowers, sounds as if in your case your OH just wants a party and attention again.
Is she the type that loves all attention on her? Some women are like that.

The examples I gave above are mainly applying to people that have been married 15+ year, have had problems and are trying to prove a point to the world.

Sounds like your wife's reasons could be innocent. Like I said - she's craving attention.

Lol @ all the posters saying they didn't like their wedding day or how they looked, did they not get to choose their dress, hair, guests, venues, cake etc? Anyway you renew things when they are broken, faded, damaged etc. If you want attention throw a party but please if you want to renew your vows do it in private, your friends won't want the expense of attending another matrimonial ceremony when you are still with the same spouse. People will be taking bets on which of you had the affair.

Anyway you renew things when they are broken, faded, damaged etc

Exactly!.

People will be taking bets on which of you had the affair.

Harsh but true.

Having personally two under five and ten yrs marriage Id say it's about thinking soppy thoughts and how much has changed. Maybe you don't realise how hard aspects of life were/are for her?

I never thought I'd be keen on renewal but kids have been tough and it would be nice to reaffirm us two in the family. And maybe involve them.

We are at a similar stage of life to you op. 7 years married and 3 children.
I completely disagree with pp who say that there must be a sinister reason underlying this.
I am not a centre-of-attention kind of a person, so wouldn't have a renewal for that reason. However i think its easy to lose the husband wife connection at this stage of life and i often daydream about ways to spend time focusing on being a couple not a mum and dad (just for a while!).