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Original poster

Why would someone ask to renew wedding vows so ‘early’ in marriage

135 replies

ernestsjone · 26/11/2014 20:02

My wife asked me if I would want to renew our marriage vows after about 7.5 years of marriage. We had 2 kids. This suggestion came out of the blue and I thought it seemed strange so ‘soon’ after getting married. I always thought this kind of thing was for 25 year+. We had a proper wedding so it’s not like she missed out on her ‘big day’

Recently I heard of a couple I know that have been married for about 6 years who renewed their vows after the wife had an affair; this kind of unsettled me. Obviously I don’t want to go accusing her based on what someone else did, so I’m just looking for female thoughts on renewing vows and why a loving wife would suggest such a thing at what seems to be a random time. Thanks

OP posts:
Micah · 26/11/2014 22:23

I've thought about it.

Dh and I ran off and got married abroad. No guests, no dress, no rings, nothing. Wouldn't change it, but..

I'm Catholic. I would kind of like to stand up in a proper church and make my vows before God.

ginnycreeper5 · 26/11/2014 22:24

Why not have a really nice milestone anniversary. A 10 years anniversary perhaps - where you invite your friends and family?
Why another wedding? Confused

Surely that's what anniversaries are for anyway?

ginnycreeper5 · 26/11/2014 22:27

At the renewal,

People will be taking bets on which of you had the affair.

Still think this is what all the guests would be thinking, even if they're not saying it human nature and all that

Itsfab · 26/11/2014 22:28

I saw a man ask his wife to marry him again after 30 years on tv the other day and thought it was daft.

I don't see the point or need to renew wedding vows after any amount of time.

You need to talk to her.

Itsfab · 26/11/2014 22:33

I would feel like a right idiot if I renewed my vows, like the wedding wasn't good enough or it wasn't something I took seriously. I would be Hmm tbh/

EmilyCHN · 26/11/2014 22:35

I think it's a romantic gesture. My DH and I read out our wedding vows to each other on each wedding anniversary and we've only been married 3 years. It's a reminder for both of us about the promises we made to each other, and how much we love each other.
I hope that unlike some other posts that there is nothing else in it.

simontowers2 · 26/11/2014 22:40

It's a reminder for both of us about the promises we made to each other, and how much we love each other.

Ahhhh, that's lovely.

Bartlebee · 26/11/2014 22:41

I will confess that I think renewing wedding vows is generally rather ridiculous.

We did the whole traditional thing when we got married and made our promises 'till death do us part'.

They don't run out or need topping up.

I like the idea of celebrating anniversaries with friends, especially big ones (anniversaries, not friends) but time has not withered the meaning of our marriage and I would feel a prat going through a faux wedding ceremony.

Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their vows every year and look what happened to them..

Joysmum · 26/11/2014 22:42

What's wrong with Greggs? Grin

You have to ask! Grin

When we do, we'll have no guests and I'll bake the cake myself. His layer will be fruit and mine carrot.

I will be in trousers and won't be in a dress, and he'll be in shorts and slippers Wink

It won't be in a church, and we'll have a great honeymoon again.

Or we could give it a miss and I could buy a horse instead Wink

GiggleJuice · 26/11/2014 23:00

We had a gorgeous ceremony but it all kind of went tits up after that. I was 5 months pregnant and DH ended up a drunken PITA because 'that's what happens at weddings'. I still cringe in mortification at how he behaved in the hotel and we're almost three years married now. He owes me a good party for our 10 year anniversary and I'd like a non pregnancy wedding dress, another gorgeous ceremony and a long haul honeymoon this time round, thank you very much! Grin

Why would someone ask to renew wedding vows so ‘early’ in marriage
2rebecca · 26/11/2014 23:32

I don't see the point of renewing vows unless you've had a major bust up or something. It seems a bit of a drama for the sake of a drama to me. Why not just go for a romantic day out and make each other new promises? All this public fuss in front of people seems a bit narcissistic.

AwkwardCatholic · 26/11/2014 23:39

We've been married seven years and have 2 kids and I have considered renewing our vows. The main reason being we've changed and been through a lot and, in the past few months, been working on better communication and strengthening, repairing and improving our relationship. If we did, though, it would just be a very personal thing between the 2 of us. Was actually considering emailing him vows today for going forward with!

Silverdaisy · 27/11/2014 00:00

My reaction to renewing vows after 7 years would depend on different things, are many people invited, is it quite publicised amongst friends and family.

If a close friend who had a wedding that was ruined due to facilitating others wishes, then I would understand.

Those suggesting it is due to infidelity, well thanks. I would never have thought of that - I will now though.

ginnycreeper5 · 27/11/2014 10:43

All this public fuss in front of people seems a bit narcissistic.

Agree to an extent.
''It's been X amount of years - I need some focus on ME, AGAIN!'' NOW!! stamps foot

Go somewhere nice for your anniversary and talk to each other.
That has to be better than some fake, corny ceremony. Hmm

ginnycreeper5 · 27/11/2014 10:46

Uh oh, I have arranged for my wife and I to renew our vows on holiday, we have been married for 27.5 years, I thought it was romantic but maybe she won't see it like that!

Mr Grumpy, are you still going ahead?
Will she appreciate it?
I think if you've already arranged it, you might as well go ahead with it and hope she doesn't wonder what you've been up to facillitate this action Shock

AltheaVestrit · 27/11/2014 10:55

My current husband and I had a small family wedding. On our 10th wedding anniversary we did it "properly".

In Vegas.

By Elvis.

We laughed our socks off all the way through. I suppose it was a way of saying we'd made the right choice in each other, and would do it again without any hesitation.

AltheaVestrit · 27/11/2014 10:57

As we did!

WannaBe · 27/11/2014 11:00

pure attention seeking IMO.

I knew someone who renewed their wedding vows on their tenth anniversary, the thing was though that they booked the venue (the exact one where they'd had the original wedding) three years before. and people were requested to keep the date open three years in advance! Hmm

Unfortunately they have been through some major life stuff since and so it could be seen as a sort of irony that they'd done this, but the original intent was just attention grabbing and nothing more.

Staywithme · 27/11/2014 11:02

I think you need to ask her why she has chosen this time to renew your vows and take it from there. I wouldn't accuse her of having an affair unless you want a divorce instead of renewal! It might be that she wants to bring a bit more romance into your relationship. How is your marriage generally? Has it become 'stale' and humdrum?

We got married abroad and my fil had died shortly beforehand so we cancelled the 'party' that was planned for our return. I'm not keen on the term renewal as it implies, to me, that the marriage was broken, so we used the term reaffirmation when we did it for our 21st anniversary. We invited very close family and friends (no distant aunts, cousins, etc). We do get on with the wider, massive, family but it would have ended up as expensive as a wedding. We had 65 guests and a wonderful, albeit, very emotional day. We had always tamed about doing it for our 25th but my husband is ill so couldn't wait.

I don't know other people are so disparaging about something that has nothing to do with them. Confused Don't like renewals, then don't have one.

ArthurShappey · 27/11/2014 11:03

I don't get the point in renewing wedding cows at all. It's done, they've been made, they don't expire. Unless someone breaks them. Therefore I too would be wondering which one of you had the affair at any renewal.

MajesticWhine · 27/11/2014 11:10

maybe like this?

Why would someone ask to renew wedding vows so ‘early’ in marriage
ginnycreeper5 · 27/11/2014 11:10

they don't expire. Unless someone breaks them.

Exactly.
If it aint broke, don't fix it.

Joysmum · 27/11/2014 11:20

Here we go again, lots of women who think everybody should think as they do Hmm

If you don't feel the need to reaffirm your vows then that's fine, but please quit with the bitchiness and attitude towards those of us who one day will Angry

ginnycreeper5 · 27/11/2014 11:25

The OP asked for an opinion.
We are giving one.
If you can't handle people saying and there are a lot that they don't agree with renewing vows and think it's all a a bit pointless, then don't read the topic.

Yes, there are probably some that renew their vows for no other reason that they want to do it, but there are also a LOT (and I know of 3 couples) who have renewed their vows because they were having problems affairs and the vows were seen as a sticking plaster.

ginnycreeper5 · 27/11/2014 11:26

Majestic, Where did you find that pic? Shock

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