my mum has gone nuts tonight :(

[kelell17]

hi ladies me again :(
been on here on another thread re my xboyf but I also have a very strange mum and as the advice was so helpful re men I thought u might have some useful words of wisdom....here goes....
ds lost his coat at school ( 4th one this yr) of no importance to him to find it as he says my mum will buy him a new one to stop me telling him off ( which she will....shes not into me or my 2 girls at all but dotes on him ) so anyway I told him this was not acceptable/ he needs to learn some personal responsibility etc ( hes 11 ) and that if he didnt find it today at school id confiscate his ipod for the night....
tonight no coat so no ipod simple as that until he said he needed it for his homework....I caved and said he could have it for an hour to do homework then needed to hand it back as didnt want him on games etc...he started being cheeky so told him to go to his room and come back when he could talk civily and I would give him it for his homework...this was all v.calm I wasnt shouting at all
what he actually did was go to his room text my mum ( on a phone she bought him which I objected to ) and say I was being mean/stopped him from doing his homework etc
she then drove over barrelled in my house all guns blazing in front of all 3 kids...screaming at me what type of mum was I stopping him doing his homework...I couldn't get a word in edgeways she was shouting so much both my little girls were crying as she was frightening them so I told my son to go to his room and her to get out sternly...touching the arm of her coat ( not even hard enough to touch her arm thru it as I said it ) she went nuts saying id attacked her n then swung her arm round and hit me round the chest...all the time my daughters r crying then she told my son to get in her car even tho I was telling him to go to his room....he did ( as she was on his side ) but she was screaming and shouting so much on my drive I had to lock her out as she was frightening my girls so much so couldnt go n reason with ds to come bk in and not go with his nan....she was being that loud I told her if she didnt leave id call the police but he was to stay here
they both left....ive text her saying pls drop him off before school...she hasnt replied, shes terrified my daughters and I'm sleeping with the key in the lock so she has to ring in the morning as I keep waking up to her in my house...
this isnt right is it????
any advice appreciated
sorry its so long!!! x

Excellent news OP.

Now comes the buttering-up/minimising phase. She's now going to wait and see what you do next.

One thing that frightens loons like this is a Letter Before Action. Put "NOTICE OF INTENDED LEGAL ACTION" in the header, and then something like this:

"Mrs (her name), on 12/11/2014 you entered my house and verbally abused/assaulted me in front of (childrens name's and ages). You then left with (DS name and age) without my consent. Be advised that is harassment under S.1 (1a) Protection from Harassment 1997. I will consider any further attempt to speak to me, OTHER THAN IN THE COURSE OF OUR JOINT EMPLOYMENT with Blankshire Constabulary, or to enter my dwelling, or to communicate (including greeting cards, gifts or invitations) with my children without my express permission (of which a record shall be made on each occasion) harassment under S.2 of the Act considered as a course of conduct. I reserve the right to report your actions of the above date to the police, and any further attempts at communication within the six month limit prescribed by Act.
I require you to sign and return the enclosed undertaking (all the above).

Yours, kelell17

Bear in mind that it will need tightening up by a proper lawyer. However, I used one like this to flush out a maniac, who proceeded to impersonate a soliciror, a police officer and my ISP. Got him into court and got him to admit it. I will draw a veil over what happened next.

Kel, massive hugs from me. She sounds vicious and manipulative. It needs to stop before your son and daughters get hurt worse.

-You need to bolt your door and change your locks.

• Record/write/report everything.

-Inform the school by person that she is not allowed to have any contact with your DC or allowed to pick them up. -If she is your emergency contact for school etc. take her off it ASAP -Stop the Thursday activities, do something with your DC on your days off. Or rearrange your work hours so you can take him Thursdays.

Also, could you talk with your DS? Have a "movie night" with him, get him relaxed, make him feel safe and secure and get him to open up. Reinforce that you love him and want him and that you're not trying to take him away from his Grandma but that you're trying to understand why he's willingly to go with her or prefer her. She could have manipulated him i.e you love the girls more than him or somthing.

Sending you positive strong vibes! Xx

Disgracetotheychromosone.....thats great :) she would NEVER think if do something like that ( prob coz I would have never thought of it myself ) I could write that out to her....altho she may take letter straight to a solicitor!

MultipleMama ..... thank you :) my son has been lovely tonight hes a totally different person when shes not around so that reinforces the damage shes doing I guess and she needs to be cut out! feel more positive tonight :) I'm not going to move away but I wont let her frighten/bully/manipulate any of us x

there must be a record though of her making allegations which were not true - you say your dad made counter statements to support your claim, so its not as if there isnt a paper trail of her trying to undermine you before.

I agree that you need to pre-empt any move.
Make sure you speak to EVERYONE and get it all logged - the police know damn well that there are bad apples within the ranks, its not as if they are beyond it.
Speak to the school, speak to your GP, speak to anyone else who is involved with the kids, maybe even call 101 to get it logged.

I've pm'd you x

Keep the momentum up op, keep focused and do not let her de-rail your intentions. Sadly for you she can not be trusted so never let your guard down or you will be back to square one.

You and your dc deserve to live without manipulation and abuse.

Head up, shoulders back and step forward with purpose.

You can do it

Sorry, OP, it really wasn't my intention to offend you, especially when you are having it so hard at the moment.

Hi again OP.

Thanks for the appreciative comment. She will probably seek legal advice if she gets an LBA, as she would face professional damage if you took action. You need to consider the "rat in a trap" effect; she may do all sorts of things, up to "misconduct in a public office".

This is why you should have a lawyer, your work on board and the union involved: you are going to be making allegations about a senior manager. An injunction or restraining order under the Act is dealt with as a civil matter, but carries a criminal penalty for breach. This is serious stuff and you will have serious opposition unless she rolls over.

I'm so very pleased your son is calmer and happier. Let that be your guide to the justice of your actions.

hi ladies I have heard nothing since before I picked children up from school yesterday shes gone quiet! I'm that cynical tho I imagine shes plotting her next move lol
I woke up to my key had been posted thru the door tho which is progress ( altho she may have had it cut prior) and have been into work today with my youngest ds and avoided her like the plague! my boss says she wouldnt say hello back this morning when she came in this is prob as shes worried u will have had to say something about what happened to my boss due to taking yesterday afternoon off...I really dont care who she thinks ive told ( which in reality is only my boss ) she should be ashamed of herself and hope shes worrying what my next move will be like I always do with her! sounds bitchy I know...I feel like ive got a bit of fight back in me today tho x

glad to hear it op you keep that fire in you xxx

Would your landlord let you fix a chain to your door?
Preferably one that needs a key, you can lock it when you go out and let yourself in with the key.
So if your mum did have another copy of your front door key she couldnt get past the chain, even if you are out.
www.amazon.co.uk/CHROME-LOCKING-CHAIN-GUARD-SECURITY/dp/B0038HRPLY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1415988732&sr=8-2&keywords=locking+door+chain

Can you record her next time she goes batty. Audio or film

I'm going to fit a chain yeah...I don't think she's daft enough to come in now tho as I have threatened her id report her and she will know her job will be at risk x

It's so much easier dealing with a coward, or at least someone with something to lose.

kelell think long term too. Because essentially she's after your son more than anything else. You need to be alert for contact with him. Now, and in the medium to long term. Phone, email, whatever.

It would be a wise idea to educate him as to how people can be very manipulative. Give him "what is going on here" scenarios now and then to get him to look beneath the surface.

hey ladies just an update.... Thought things had gone quiet... my mum posted key back and has stopped contacting me but got into work today to be called in by my boss and told my mum has been to her boss about me and has been advised ( by her boss ) to report me to professional standards as I attacked her apparently!!!
This is so stupid and she literally has no limits :(

er - what did you say?

kelell your mother is an active enemy. She might have brought you up but you're going to have to think of her as someone actively out to hurt you now.

You said you loved your life but I'm afraid you might have to think about moving anyway. You said she was senior to you and so you're in a very uncomfortable place.

Did you ever report the initial incident? Have you got any external proof?

I said this is totally ridiculous and I didnt attack her at all ( actually was other way round! ) my boss knows this anyway as I was going to report it thurs but she was trying to get me some advice about whether If I did my mum could get kids dragged into it which obv I dont want! shes nuts :( had a txt msg last night saying my girls have a dentist appt tonight....which I knew nothing about and she had booked! x

Do you have a union rep you can speak to, also speak your HR department.

Ignore text about dentist, but speak to the dentist and re arrange and also let them know that only you can make an appointment for your children and not your mother and maybe also your dc doctors surgery as well.

Kelell I know you don't want to, but you have to go at this like she isn't part of the family and that she is trying to get all of your kids taken away from you.

Make it official. Make an official complaint at another constabulary if necessary. There must be some kind of ombudsman for the police. What actions have you actually taken so far? Apart from getting the key back? Overkill is going to be necessary on your part and for gods sake get some legal advice from the police lawyers. You need a restraining order on her now.

You really HAVE to get in their first and today, not tomorrow not sometime. Put everything else to one side and do this as your first priority.

Warn the doctor, dentist, school etc that she is not allowed to make appointments for your kids.

She is building a case against you that much is certain. Get the locks changed. No keys for your kids, because your son will give her one.

She is a stalker and an unusually well connected, dangerous one. She believes that you are unfit mother so she is going to be very convincing. She believes what she is saying to others. Your posts worry me, because you don't seem to be able to believe yourself what she is like.

thanks for the replies....I am taking this seriously I'm just so confused and hurt by what shes doing and baffled how far she will go! its getting daft now I'm embarrassed telling people coz no one apart from on here and my friends who know what shes like believes me/thinks I'm exaggerating....I have asked to speak to a senior officer who happens to be the head of prof standards and have a friend coming round this evening for a chat who is a family law lawyer...hopefully I can get some advice from them too....x

Please Kelell don't let another day go passed without getting officialdom involved.

and yes she's ridiculously well connected ( work wise ) ... most of the normal point of calls in this kind of situation or grievance and all the higher ups I could speak to are socially her friends out of work which makes it very difficult for anything I say to be believed over her..... I'm sure she knows this too :(

I believe you. I worked with a woman who had a very similar experience. Take it seriously, make a diary and believe in your own judgement. It will get uglier before it calms down but just remember the fright that she gave your DD and the fact that you know your DS is being badly influenced by her. She will never stop. Im so sorry she is doing this.