my mum has gone nuts tonight :(

[kelell17]

hi ladies me again :(
been on here on another thread re my xboyf but I also have a very strange mum and as the advice was so helpful re men I thought u might have some useful words of wisdom....here goes....
ds lost his coat at school ( 4th one this yr) of no importance to him to find it as he says my mum will buy him a new one to stop me telling him off ( which she will....shes not into me or my 2 girls at all but dotes on him ) so anyway I told him this was not acceptable/ he needs to learn some personal responsibility etc ( hes 11 ) and that if he didnt find it today at school id confiscate his ipod for the night....
tonight no coat so no ipod simple as that until he said he needed it for his homework....I caved and said he could have it for an hour to do homework then needed to hand it back as didnt want him on games etc...he started being cheeky so told him to go to his room and come back when he could talk civily and I would give him it for his homework...this was all v.calm I wasnt shouting at all
what he actually did was go to his room text my mum ( on a phone she bought him which I objected to ) and say I was being mean/stopped him from doing his homework etc
she then drove over barrelled in my house all guns blazing in front of all 3 kids...screaming at me what type of mum was I stopping him doing his homework...I couldn't get a word in edgeways she was shouting so much both my little girls were crying as she was frightening them so I told my son to go to his room and her to get out sternly...touching the arm of her coat ( not even hard enough to touch her arm thru it as I said it ) she went nuts saying id attacked her n then swung her arm round and hit me round the chest...all the time my daughters r crying then she told my son to get in her car even tho I was telling him to go to his room....he did ( as she was on his side ) but she was screaming and shouting so much on my drive I had to lock her out as she was frightening my girls so much so couldnt go n reason with ds to come bk in and not go with his nan....she was being that loud I told her if she didnt leave id call the police but he was to stay here
they both left....ive text her saying pls drop him off before school...she hasnt replied, shes terrified my daughters and I'm sleeping with the key in the lock so she has to ring in the morning as I keep waking up to her in my house...
this isnt right is it????
any advice appreciated
sorry its so long!!! x

[AdoraBell]

The last few posts are spot on. Do as advized and portect yourself from her future attacks.

Do you have a brother? Part of me is wondering why she wants your son. Not that it matters why, what she is doing is evil regardless of what motivates her.

[kelell17]

No I dont have a brother from my mum im her only child....I have a step brother and step sister who I class as my brother and sister as we have been together since we were about 5 but obv they are nothing to do with my mum.....my dad has said maybe she wanted a boy as she doesnt bother with my girls either.....
he has just rang to check I'm ok as I text my stepmum earlier and she forwarded it to him he says there is something very wrong with my mum even more than he has always thought :( x

[PedantMarina]

And that's another thing - I didn't even want to go there, but it's appalling that if she's going to be crazy-grabby-granma, she's not doing it with ALL your children, just the male-child. Clearly the proto-wimmin aren't worth her effort.

I'm not sure what to do with that information, but it rankles.

I'll shut up now.

[oldgrandmama]

Gosh - just think what a meal the Press would make of this, if they knew ... high ranking person in the Police using her position to terrorise her own daughter.

Just saying. [oldgrandmama used to be a journo]

[kelell17]

oldgrandma....that made me giggle, yeah it would certainly blow her holier than thou image anyway! x

[twizzleship]

op, it might be a good ides to start planning how you're going to deal with her around christmas time...i.e are you going to ban her totally from seeing/visiting/giving presents to the kids? (i would), or is you are going to allow contact are you going to make sure you are supervising it the whole time including recording it all on phone or camera?

i know you've already told her to stay away but you need to assume that she will contact your son somehow and use the bribe of christmas presents to get him to meet her etc (if she does then that is your perfect moment to ring the police on her and get a restraining order against her).

[kelell17]

hi twizzleship....we will be going down to my dads for xmas ( always do as my mum has no sense of family whatsoever ) so she wont see them at all from before xmas eve till a couple of days after boxing day and she knows this as this is always the case....
my son was in a strop with me tonight as he couldnt sleep and was asking for a bowl of cereal at 10:15pm coz he was "starving" apparently! I told him no it was too late and sent him back to bed .... made me glad ive confiscated his damn phone tho else my mum would prob be on her way here to shout at me right now! x

[kelell17]

cant sleep...my heads racing and my eyes hurt from crying....if anyone was to ask me id say I don't give a toss about my mum but obv deep down I must do as her actions upset me so much....that just makes me more annoyed at myself tho as she clearly has no feelings for me x

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I hope you're asleep now

What that woman has done to you is cruel and just so hideously selfish and abusive. She is truly vile.

And that woman is your mum :(

Of course it must hurt so deeply. Feel like the ultimate betrayal. The rejection, the pain, the shock and horror. It's awful. And I'm so sorry :(

I really think you need lots of support through this. Do you have a friend who you could share this with? And how would you feel about doing some councelling? It may help alot - it helped me come to terms with and for the first time get my head around the way my parents are/ were.

It hurt so much. And still does, but the gut wrenching agonizing can't breathe pain, that's gone now,... so please hold out some hope, you won't feel this awful pain forever.

[HexBramble]

Keep your strength up OP. Force the food down, and keep your fluid intake up.

[angelohsodelight]

Can I just check you have written to the school about no one else collecting your children? Communicating this just verbally is not enough.

[IDismyname]

Oh, Kel. You poor love. Just trying to think round the situation re your Mum and make some other suggestions apart from the excellent ones up thread.

Can you apply for a transfer either within the office you're in, or relocate to another station? Then at least you can minimise the day to day contact you have with her while staying in the same area.

Stay strong for all your DCs. We're all right behind you. Don't forget that you can use this thread to jog your memory if as or when you start to log everything.

[ohtheholidays]

Get anything that you can to record any time she speaks to you.A small recording device in your house/in your bag/on your person you can pick them up for under £20.

Like a previous poster mentioned inform your DR's/Dentists/ect and ask for a password to be put down for any appointments that need to be made for yourself/your children.Don't tell anyone else the password!

As with your son I'd speak to the school and explain to them what's been going on and ask for help.They should be able to arrange a visit for your son with the child psychologist,he really does need someone outside of the family to talk through with him about what's been going on.He needs to understand that his Grandmothers behavior is not normal and that he can't pit the two of you against each other.

[Meerka]

Being the target of a malicious campaign is deeply, deeply disturbing. Being the target of a malicious campaign when the enemy is so close to you is ... well, it's mindfucking.

Your brother sounds on your side. Can you talk to him about what's happening? get support.

But mainly you've GOT to start thinking smart now. Planning what might happen, recording everything.

It's amazing what happens when you really record things. I once went to court and won the case because I'd meticulously noted down everything that happened over the months. Without that, I'd have lost.

[Dallasty]

Hi Kelell

Being a man, I rarely comment on posts, but I have been following your other post and now reading this, I have to say that I feel for you. Anyway, just a thought...is it possible that you can show a copy of this thread to the relevant authorities....? I wish you luck.

[Dallasty]

...sorry bit unclear...what I meant was..would it help you in any way to do so?

[longtallsally2]

Hi Kelell

Have been following your thread but not posted before.

Just a thought, whilst your mum is out of the picture do take the opportunity to plant the idea with your ds that when you say no to him, you do it because you care: it's what good parents do, and that people who get whatever they want turn out to be horrible spoilt people, and that you would never never want it to be said that you had done that to him.

She will no doubt have planted other ideas, but you have an opportunity now to balance out what he may have been told with some sanity.

Wishing you well.

[kelell17]

hi ladies...(and men ) thanks for the replies :) not feeling too good atm but trying to stay smiling for the kids sake as that woman makes me want to be an even better mum than I think I am...just feel a bit eaten up inside by it all I cant get my head around it and feel constantly nervous still struggling to eat or sleep.
meant to be going out for a meal with friends tomorrow ( in the day kids at thier dads ) but not sure I can face hearing how wonderful thier lives are and being pressed into telling the latest installment of the drama that seems to be my life atm....I know they will ask and wont give up its like a soap opera to them and everyone wants to hear what craziness has happened next...I used to have a "normal" life ... I think? ages ago I cant really remember but I was happy once but for years its just been drama after drama with violent ex husband, emotionally abusive ex and crazy mum...racking my brains where it all went wrong! x

[kelell17]

Don't know what id do without this site! its only this that stops me driving myself mad every night sat here alone trying to make sense of stuff that's happened re my mum and the ex!
Just wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply to me.... I've just been scanning thru others threads again to find something I feel "qualified" to comment on just to give a bit back so to speak n so I can stop feeling less of a burden! x

[OldLadyKnows]

You're not a burden, kel, you're a woman with a horrendous background who's just starting to realise that it doesn't have to be like this. That's your strength showing through. It won't be easy, it won't be over quickly, but you've been brave enough to realise that this shit ain't right, and you've reached out for help. All praise to you for that, my dear.

Hope you're sleeping now. {{{Kelell}}}

[Coyoacan]

being pressed into telling the latest installment of the drama that seems to be my life atm

Oh kelell, I have a friend whose in other ways her life has become like a soap opera and sometimes I don't like to ask her and then I find out that she doesn't like to tell because she is fed up with recounting all these horrors. But that is what friends are for, for better or for worse. Just be glad that at least your friends lives are tranquil at the moment and you don't have that added worry.

At least you have the other side of the family in your camp, kelell. Keep up the good fight.

[Kakaka]

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I wondered if it is worth having a chat to your neighbours? One of them may have witnessed your mum shouting at you the other day and be too embarrassed to mention it to you. An independent witness would be handy!

[NeitherHereOrThere]

Both your Mum and your upbringing would explain your past relationships with abusive men. Your Mum has trained you well

I would look at going on a Freedom programme or do some reading (I am sure other MNetters will be able to recommend good books but Lundy is a name that comes up here a lot) to help you establish strong boundaries to stop you from getting into another abusive relationship.

[ChasedByBees]

OP, this sounds so awful.

No matter how awkward it will be to make allegations to your mum's friends, they have a professional obligation to take them seriously. If you don't counter attack, she may successfully build a case against you.

Make no mistake, she wants your DS. There have been some heartbreaking cases I've read on here of grandmothers giving a grandchild everything and persuading them to move in and go no contact with their mothers. Don't jet this happen to you. She clearly wants to hurt you.

You should also change your locks. You don't have to give an excuse to your landlord, tell them someone had a key cut and is accessing your house without permission.

[kelell17]

hi ladies thanks for the replies.... I'm going to speak to hr at work tomorrow and tell them the situation....I know its not really work related but I feel like its making me ill and am wondering if theres anything they can do to help
we used to get free relate sessions through work but not sure if this is the case anymore or even if thats worth trying I'm just clutching at straws a bit to try n make myself feel a little better
ive realised ive put up with so much from her ( and men ) and never fought back because I guess ive been made to feel that I'm not worth fighting for....I have 2 daughters and I'm trying to look at it as if someone was making them feel how certain people make me feel how badly id fight to stop it as feel this is the only way I have the energy to fight....I don't know if that even makes sense? but hopefully someone gets what I mean x