Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Sounds really positive name, well done for reaching out to the Samaritans. It's hard to get over the 'I'm not feeling that bad REALLY' voice in your head and actually value yourself enough to ask for help, so I think it's a laudable act.

Your DD1 sounds fab (obv DD2 probably is as well)

Just mind that you keep brushing everyone's teeth if it's going to be hot chocolate and marshmallows every night! not jealous at all

Haha yes agreed Partridge! I've been managing the kids teeth and faces no problem, but me? Yep, that's depression for you, I've barely been looking in the mirror.

And yes that voice in your head that keeps telling you that you're fine and your feelings don't really matter. Actually they do.

I've realised the meaning of take each day as it comes and taking small steps otherwise you end up feeling like I did yesterday. So, I've managed to make dinner this morning, a chicken casserole - and I'm going to go to asda - I'm usually a sainsburys customer where I go to do my thousand-yard-staring haha - but Asda has a far better range of Hamster treats

Well of course you're a better parent than he thinks. He thinks it's not just OK, but required to "toughen up^ his children by setting them against each other. That wasn't more than, what? Six weeks ago? When he was meant to be on his best behaviour.

Sorry to read about your really low point. But, you know? I wasn't for a second worried about you! I know you love those wee lasses and would never do such a thing to them. And I know that, as far as you've come, you wouldn't do something that would so completely allow twatchops to "win" in one fell swoop.

I've sent you a PM, too .

I'm channelling Christina Ricci/Wednesday Addams here: Are those treats made from real hamsters?

Haha very funny Pedant!! Yes, real hamsters...tastes just like chicken you know

And thank you

The freedom programme made me realise this week that H has destroyed my sense of how able a parent I am.

I am not surprised at all Name. He would have eroded your self worth in so, so many ways. As you are seeing though, it is possible for you to build that self worth back up again. It is supremely important that you are able to think about his manipulations, recognise them for what they were, and mentally and emotionally refute the fucker's bullshit - because that is what it is and was, complete and utter bullshit. You have so far shown yourself to be supremely capable in managing the dickhead and safely getting yourself, your DD and the hammies () out of that awful situation. However it is not important what I think of you - what is important is what you think of yourself. If you believe deep, deep down that you are capable and worthwhile, eventually your behaviours and actions follow suit.

KOKO Name, you have come so, so far, in such a short time already, and its all been down to you. You should be giving yourself a HUGE pat on the back for that - that is belief in you, that you did this

Hi Name

Wow, so I have just got completely up to date with all of your fantastic and inspirational threads. Thank you! They have made me laugh and cry in all the right places. I had a very similar relationship to yours, at times I thought it was me writing those things.

I got my abusive ex h to move out last year, but not been as determined as you and hoping for an amicable co-parenting relationship with him so have been a bit of a pushover. Last night however we came to a point where I didn't take his shit and he then rained down his absolutely-no-doubt-about-it-i-know-best-oppinion of how I am insaine and a c*#@ etc.. all in front of dcs which broke me, upset dd a lot, and has along with your threads given me total realisation that there is no chance of any polite communication so therefore there will be nothing but basic arrangements. Full stop.

May I also be so bold as to offer a film selection, Lovelace is based on the life and career of an adult film star who was in a terrible relationship. I had a very good cry when I watched this soon after h moved out.

You are doing an amazing job. Well done. X

Hi Golden, thank you for that I am so sorry your ex did that to you in front of your poor DC you haven't been a push over, you got him out for a start, but us nice, reasonable sorts make the mistake of thinking that everyone can be reasonable and unfortunately these fucking loons that attach themselves to us, think in a wholly different way. Well, your ex has royally let himself down, I hope you can minimise contact with him even further now I think I'll check out your film suggestion, thank you

Zazzles thank you that made me feel loads better! Are you a motivational speaker by any chance? If you're not then you should be haha

Going to try some meditation and 'living in the now' all excellent for good mental health apparently

It's only normal, what you're feeling. You've been shoved down into a dark cupboard and made to feel that you deserved it. Now, for the first time in years, you're standing at the door with a huge, bright, unfamiliar world outside. You make your own choices and decisions now, where before you had to consider everything in light of 'what won't make Twatty mad'. It's sort of like losing an internal compass. That compass point you used to steer your ship by is gone. But you'll find your new compass. In fact I'd say you already have! Trust yourself. You have good instincts.

I once watched a video of a dog who had been kept in a cage at a puppy mill. It had never touched soft grass before and was very hesitant and scared. But it wasn't long before it was gamboling and rolling around. I remember thinking 'Yeah, it's like that!'.

Oh lovely Pond thank you - so astute!! Shoved down into a dark cupboard - that is exactly what it was - thank you I really am feeling a lot better today - I know why I really felt like death warmed up yesterday....it's because I wasn't on MN!

Ha! Of course!! That's enough to ruin anyone's day! LOL

Thinking of you and checking in on the thread every day Name the fish oil supplements are good.

Hi Name we are getting there! Staples out. Just want another couple of scans before we know it's all gone. Thanks for asking.
You are bound to have real upswings and downswings in mood. Remember you have not been allowed to use your full mental capacity for ages. You have been restricted by Twatchops and he has tried to do a lot of your thinking for you.
It must be quite daunting too that all the responsibility for the girls falls to you. I know it has been like that for ages in reality but theoretically TC has been co-parenting. His being off the scene properly except for access means it all falls on your head. Don't underestimate what a lot you have gone through and continue to go through. Be nice to yourself. The shape of your horizon has changed forever. That's got to take some while to adjust to after 12 years of marriage to a total knobber

Are you a motivational speaker by any chance?

No, not a motivational speaker Name . But I have been through the narc wringer that you are going through, so I know exactly the crap you have been experiencing, and what you might go through in the future. I came to my own epiphanies through a very large health scare, which made me completely re-evaluate my life, much in the same way you're doing now. Its a hard road Name, but believe me, its oh-so-worth-it when you get to the end of the tunnel with light .

KOKO Name, keep heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Its all good, believe me

Asda also do olive oil, steak and Gu stuff at great prices, if you need a treat like...

I hope Elf is top of your list, we watch it every year. And Christmas on 34th Street.

Channel 5 have a crap Christmas film on everyday (I think) they start just after 3.

I'm a long time lurker, this is the first time I've been able to contribute anything remotely helpful!!! You should never doubt your parenting, what you've done for you and your girls is amazing despite his best efforts to knock you down

Getting there my lovely, and yes, well done on reaching out when you needed to, it takes a special kind of strength to so that xx

You know theres an old gypsy recipe, hodge lodge I think was called, wrap a hedgehog up in me and bake, and when baked the spines come off as you unwrap the mud so it's safe to eat! I often wonder if it works on cats but now you've got me pondering the hamster possibilities!?! disclaimer - I am actually veggie and no animals hurt in the writing of this dodgy post!

Lol Adara

Thanks Twink and Damnautocorrect thanks everyone - feeling quite good today, dropped kids with H last night, he tried to make eye contact which I ignored - came home, found a spurt of energy and so cleaned and sorted the house - woke up feeling good, am out tonight with my good friend for lots of and then the girls will be back at 4 tomorrow.

I don't know whether it's these supplements I'm on or just the natural ebb and flow of PTSD haha but I've been feeling quite stable and positive these last couple of days, so all is good!

Hope you all have lovely weekends

I'm glad you are feeling better! Today DS2 and I are doing the grocery shop for Thanksgiving. He's been with me every year since he was 'in utero'. He's 25 and still comes with me to 'pick out the turkey'. That's always been his job. Bless him. He lost his job yesterday and still wants to come. I guess the normalcy is good for him.

If it's OK name, amongst other things I'll be thankful on Thursday for you getting rid of Twatty. I probably won't say it out loud at the table though. "Dear Lord, this year I am thankful for my family, my home, and that Name booted Twatchops to the kerb" might raise some eyebrows.

Haha thanks for that Pond! Yes I think your family would think you had gone loopy if you said that out loud!

And forgot to say thanks Dinnae and that's great news about your lovely DH. I've been thinking about you and fingers crossed all will be well

going to start getting ready to go out soon, I'm really looking forward to it, went and bought myself a top earlier as a little present. Life without Twatchops is bloody great!!

Ooh forgot to say, I watched Lovelace Goldenmama thank you for that suggestion, I had a really good cry during it and after too, it was very cathartic and although obviously me and her are poles apart life experience wise - watching the coercion and her desperation to get out was chilling. Made me also think back on all the sex I've had with H and from one of my threads, maybe the first when someone said he sounded like a man who has sex on a woman, not with her - it was another eye opener and then a massive floodgate of tears opener when realising I have never been made love to.

Got a bit of catching up to do there I think

Hi Name Im sorry to hear it has been such a struggle recently. Im not surprised to hear you have PTSD after coping with living with the High Priest of Twats for so long.
Im sorry i havent been around on your threads much recently but i have been thinking of you and think you are an inspiration

Yay you with the classy ignoring, the social life and the new top!

Hope you have a great twat-free evening.

Yay to cathartic crying!!! Well done, you, name.